Max: That isn't true!

Tess walks in.

Tess: just another one of my visions. I hope you enjoyed it.

Maria: Bitter, are we?

Alex: Tess, do I have to get lambchops out....plus Big is on right now and that can serve as proper torture.

Tess: No, no, not big! There's singing and its happy! I can't take it.

Liz walks over to the CD player.

Liz: Oh, I know the perfect thing!

Max: Not the Marvin Gaye, that's our sex music.

Liz: I know. (pulls out childrens cd) Alex, you mind if I borrow this, I know how possessive you are when it comes to your cds.

Alex: Sure.

Liz turns it on. You hear:

It's a small world after all...Its a small world after all...Its a small world after all...Its a small small world.

Tess: Ah! I’m changing.

Michael: OMG! She's shapeshifting into her real form.

You see Tess transform into a huge Tabasco bottle.

Isabel: No wonder! the Tabasco fixation.

Tess: take me...take me...

Max: For the last time, I will not have you!

Tess: (in robotic voice) take me...to...your...lead...lead...leader...malfun..ction...mal...fun...ction.... smoke starts to give off of the giant bottle.

Isabel: Oh no, get the cappuccino machine! Oh no! get my carrot shrine! before she blows.

Liz: Tess won't be blowing anyone around here, especially not Max. I bet the bitch swallows.

Alex begins to slap Tess with his puppet and she goes outside. She begins to overheat.

Tess: I'm mel...ting....I'm mel...ting.

Max: do they all use the same damn cliché?

Maria: Guess so.

Cut to confessional...Maria...

Maria: Ok...so ever since this Tess thing, Michael and I have been having some problems. I think he likes his hair more than me. I mean we were fine, and then all of a sudden he started acting like a complete jerk, accusing me of having a dependency problem. Ok...so who in their right mind would depend on Michael?

Cut to confessional...Alex...

Alex holding puppet.

Alex: You know no one can satisfy you like I can. (he starts making out with the puppet).

Cut to confessional...Liz...

Liz is holding her lacy red bra.

Liz: Ok, for all the guys out there I would like to demonstrate how to unhook a bra because Max here seems to not know. Ok, here we go (she starts demonstrating sort of like a flight attendant with a seatbelt.)It's not that hard...although part of Max was last night!

Cut to confessional...Max...

Max: Ok...so I think I solved my impotency problem. (he pulls out candy bar, which says "Viagra Milky Way: have otherworldly pleasure") I don't know, its this new candy or something...

Cut to scene, Liz and Max..

Max: Liz, I think I’m ready now.

Liz: It only took you 14 hours.

Max: You ready to be abducted?

Liz: You know I’m always ready! (they begin to kiss)

Kyle and Valenti are in front of the monitor "bonding." Maria walks in...

Maria: OMG! what the hell are you two doing!

Kyle: uh...uh...think Kyle, think...ow (holds head) I gave myself a pain again!

Valenti: You’re under arrest!

Maria: (screaming) Why, for seeing you disgusting perverts jacking off to Max and Liz!

Max and Liz walk out.

Kyle: So, Max, is that an orb in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

Max: it's not what you think.

Kyle: right...

Liz: I can pleasure him in ways you never can. such as the angel position, page 56 in Cosmo.

Kyle: Cosmo, that's a good magazine. I love their advice columns...and that swimsuit edition!