FanFic - Other
"Liz's Season Two Journal"
Part 2
by Faile
Disclaimer: Roswell and the characters, and situations are owned by the WB and Melinda Metz. No infringement intended.
Summary: Well I've decide to chronicle the season from Liz's POV. So here it is.
Category: Other
Rating: PG
LaterÖSept. 8th
Nasedoís dead. I canít believe it, Nasedoís dead. I never trusted him, he was cold and inhuman, but he was here to protect Max and now heís gone. Theyíre going to try to revive him, but by the way Max was actingÖI somehow doubt it will work. To make matters worse, Maxís enemies are here in Roswell. The enemies his Mother warned him about. Itís so unreal. Itís too much. I mean a year ago I was just a normal sophomore at West Roswell dating a normal guy I kind of liked and nowÖI am madly in love with an alien who I can never be with. How exactly did this happen? And why is it happening to me? When I was in Florida, I was really able to detach myself from Max and the reality of his life, but now that Iím back in Roswell, I canít. I canít detach myself from Max and the others because I care about them and all I want to do is help Max. But the thing is, I canít help him. Max is here on earth to fight and somehow free his home planet. How can I help with that?

Tonight when Max came running into the Crashdown and all I could say was ďyouíre hurtĒ. Tess was able to heal the scratch on his cheek. She is the one that left with him, Michael, and Isabel and went to the pod chamber to try to revive Nasedo. She can do that, she can help him, but what could I do? Stand by and watch, just like I did the last time they revived Nasedo. She can give him things I canít. She can help him in his struggle. I canít. Whatever hope I had of being with Max is now gone. Those flashes I had earlier tonight mean nothing now. It doesnít matter what we shared in the past. Max has a destiny and I have to be strong enough not to stand in the way of that. I have to stay away no matter how much it hurts.

Journal entry fourÖSept. 11th
What am I going to do? Maria is driving me absolutely insane, I mean I love her and everything, but she wonít accept my decision to stay away from Max. Iím trying not to be mad at her. I know sheís having a hard time right now. Michael is being so distant. She loves him so much and he wonít let her in. But the fact thatís she hurting doesnít give her the right to interfere with my life and my choices. I just wish she would stay out of it. I guess it doesnít help that her and Max formed a friendship over the summer and she wants to help him too. I feel like I canít even talk to her about my decision, because sheís pulling for him and she doesnít see why I need to stay away.

When Maria was driving me home tonight, we saw Max walking with Tess. Seeing them togetherÖI know Maria will find out why he was with her and explain everything to me tomorrow, but I donít want to know. I donít want to find out. I canít keep doing this. I need to separate myself from him and create a life of my own, but I canít do that if Maria insists on pushing me toward him.

When I saw them together tonight, I felt my heart break, it took me back to that night I saw Max kissing her in the rain. It hurt so much. Iíve decided that Iím going to stay away, and I have to be strong and stick to that decision. Tess and Max were literally made for each other. She can help him in his struggle, I canít. Maria insists that he cares nothing for her, but that doesnít matter. My decision to stay away is whatís best for both Max and me, but seeing them together, it just hurts.

Journal entry fiveÖSept. 12th
I hate Tess. I do, I hate her. If she and Nasedo had never come to Roswell, Max and I would be together and Max would be safe. Okay, maybe thatís not the case, without Tess and Nasedo, we never would have escaped the FBI. I just wish Max and the others had never used those orbs. I wish they had never found out the truth. If they had never used them, they would be safe and I would be with Max. Itís selfish of me, but I donít care. I want to be with Max. I want things to go back to the way they used to be.

Itís useless to wish though. They did use the orbs. They know why they are here and nothing can change that. I hate the situation that Tess and Nasedo have brought about, and I hate Tess. She tore my life apart. I know she didnít do it with malice, but it doesnít change the end result. I know sheís just trying to live the life she was created for, but by doing so, sheís ruined my life.

Tess and Max have a history. A history I donít understand and they donít even remember, but itís still there. Itís not something I change or overcome and that is why I walked away.

Maria of course informed me that Max was walking Tess home last night to keep her safe, and that he has no feelings for her. I wish she would leave it alone. I know she cares about both me and Max, but sheís been my friend a lot longer than Maxís, she should support my decision and quit being an advocate for Max. It doesnít matter why Max was walking Tess home. It hurts to see them together, but Iíve made my decision. I have to stay away from Max.

My journal lately consists of nothing but my thoughts on Max. I got a new journal for a fresh start, but somehow it doesnít seem to be working. Maybe Iíll consider this my transitional journal. Iíll use it to help me get over Max and when I finally can move on, Iíll buy a new journal. But you know what, I somehow doubt there are enough pages in this journal to help me get over Max. At least I have my new job with the Congresswoman and she shredded all the alien files today, so maybe sheís given up on her search for Max and the others. I feel so bad for her. She really seemed to care about Pierce. I made up a story that Pierce left a voicemail so she wouldnít look for him and maybe she could start dealing with the fact that heís never coming back. She was really angry with me for erasing the non- existent voice mail. I didnít know what else to do though. I thought that if she never heard from him again, it would be worse somehow. She was really upset today. I found her drinking in her office and by the looks of her, she seemed to have a lot to drink. Nasedo really did a number on her as Pierce. I can relate to her pain even though mine came about in a different way. It did feel good to tell her about Tess. She of course has no idea of the real situation, but she supported my decision to walk away. She seems to understand my need to be in control of my life. Thatís more than Maria has done.

Journal entry sixÖSept. 13th
Here I go again, another entry about Max. I guess the best way to explain what Iím feeling right now is to go through what just happened step by step. When I walked into the Crashdown a few minutes ago, I saw Max sitting at a table with Tess. Even though Iíve decided to separate myself from Max, seeing her with him still hurts and that pain will probably never stop. I do wish they wouldnít hang out at the Crashdown, but thereís not much I can do about that. At least I donít work there anymore. I wasnít going to stop and talk, but I guess Max saw I was upset and came after me. I tried to tell him that Maria told me nothing is happening between him and Tess, but that doesnít even matter. What we had together is in the past and Tess isnít the only reason I walked away. I wanted to tell him that I canít be a part of his life or his struggle and he has to accept that. But he didnít let me explain. He said he was coming for me. That he didnít care about his destiny or his home planet or anything. He wasnít going to forget about me or get over me, ever. When he said that, my heart soared, just for a second I thought it could be. But you know what, it doesnít matter what he wants or what I want. His destiny has chosen him and there is nothing he can do about it. He canít run from it. Itís all around him now. By running from his destiny, heíd be running away from Michael and Isabel and that would never happen. Heís not going to make it easy for me to stay away, but somehow I must. I guess Iíll have to be strong enough for the both of us.

It would be a lot easier to be strong if Maria were behind me. If only I could talk to her about it. I really need her support right now, but sheís too busy being an advocate for Max to see that I need her.

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