FanFic - Other
"You Can Still Be Free"
"Make the First Stand"
Part 9
by Mellissa
Disclaimer: Roswell, the characters, and situations are owned by the WB. No infringement intended.
Summary: Evan POV
Category: Other
Rating: PG-13
I laid back on my bed, and put my hands behind my head. I stared up at the constellations on my ceiling. They've been there since I was born. Or before. I don't know. I never asked.

It's after midnight, and I can't sleep. I'm taking Noelle to my uncle's tomorrow. I've been running through everything that happened today. I told Noelle the truth.

And she freaked.

It's not like I can't blame her. But she blamed me for this. She told me it was all my fault. I already thought it to begin with, but now, I'm positive that it's true. Because of me, because of my heritage, the baby Noelle is carrying is going to die.

How can a person live with that kind of guilt? God, I've just ruined her life. And I'm sitting here thinking of myself. I should be more worried that she'll tell someone.

But I don't think she will. When I made the connection this afternoon, I could feel everything. I don't know, but it seems like the connection didn't break when she yanked her hand away. Like we're still connected.

Besides that, there's Luke. After everything we've been through, this could be the end of our friendship. I knew at that party that he had a crush on Noelle. And then I slept with her.

At first, I figured there'd be no way he'd ever have to know. Then her pregnancy announcement. One of the first thoughts was that Luke was going to kill me.

Now, I'm not so sure. After all, this time tomorrow, she won't be pregnant. It's so hard to think that. She had this life inside I had help create, and it's not gonna be there anymore.

But, there's something else I gotta keep from Luke. Ever since the connection, and that kiss, I can't stop thinking about her. After tomorrow, I won't have a reason to hang around anymore, but will I be able to stop?

* * *

"Evan, man, something's been bothering you all week. What's up?" Luke asked. In between words, he took bites of his hamburger. It was lunchtime, and our appointment was three hours away.

"Nothing," I answered.

"C'mon, you know you can tell me," Luke urged. Any other time, he wouldn't care less. It would figure that this one time he'd have to know something wrong. Stupid ironic fate crap.

"Nothing than I can tell you," I replied, finally. I heard footsteps behind me.

"Evan, I need to talk to you," Noelle said. I dropped my head onto the table with a loud thud. Why now of all times? I lifted my head to meet Luke's accusing stare.

"All right," I sighed. I pushed away from the table, and followed Noelle as she led the way into the Eraser Room. This is just so unfair.

"Evan, about yesterday," Noelle began, hesitatingly. "I um, wanted to let you know that I wasn't going to tell anyone. I kind of got the idea that no one should know, so, um, don't worry about it."

"Thanks." I waited. There had to be more.

"And, Evan, after this is over, I don't want anything to do with you again."

"Excuse me?" Did I hear her right?

"You heard me. I don't want to be your friend. I just want to distance myself from this entire situation. And everyone having anything to do without. After leaving your uncle's office today, just leave me alone."

"Noelle, I can't do that."

"Why?" she asked. "Why can't you do this for me? You may have ruined my life, why can't you just give me this one thing?"

"I can't just completely leave you alone. You know our secret."

"So? I'm not going to tell anyone."


"Just listen to me. I don't want anything to do with you, do you get that?" Noelle cried. All of a sudden, I was hit with these emotions. Desperation. Hurt. Anger. Resentment. Fear.

Fear. These were her emotions.

Noelle was afraid of me.

She looked like she had just taken a double take. Whatever connection I had formed between the two of us, it apparently went both ways.

"What the Hell is going on?" Noelle whispered. She pushed past me, out of the room.

* * *

"What in the Hell do you think you were doing in that room with Noelle Bradley?" Luke asked, angrily as I sat back down. I was still shaken from what happened. How could Noelle be afraid of me? I'm still the same guy, after all.

"Luke, man, I gotta tell you something," I began.

"What? You got the hots for her too?" he fumed. Oh, boy, he has no idea.

"Remember that party when I got drunk?"

"Yeah, and that has what to do with anything?"

"She got drunk too ... and ... well ..."

"You slept with her."

"Luke, it was a mistake. It's never gonna happen again," I tried to tell him. Luke was my best friend, and really my only friend. The last thing I needed was to be friendless.

Luke grabbed his books and stalked off angrily without another word. He did shoot an icy glare at Noelle's lunch table.

Things just became more complicated.

* * *

I met Noelle outside of Uncle Max's office. I could feel how nervous she was. She said nothing to me. We were just sitting in the waiting room in tense silence.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Uncle Max called us both in.

"Okay, listen, Noelle, just lay on the examining table, okay?" he asked in a pleasant voice. Noelle obeyed. I could still feel the resentment and fear coming off her in strong waves. I wonder what kinds of emotions I was projecting.

Uncle Max sat next to her, and suddenly Noelle's resentment changed to despair. It was so overwhelming I could barely sit up straight. As he placed large hand on her abdomen, her fear shot up. I nearly fell over.

"Noelle, hold my hand and look at me, okay?" I asked. She looked me with tears in her eyes. I grasped her hand. "Concentrate on me, not my uncle, all right?"

"Okay," she whispered. I saw Uncle Max's hand begin to glow, and I knew he was making a connection. Any moment now, and this would be over. Her tears spilled over, and the deep sadness she was projecting spilled over to me until I wasn't too sure who was feeling more sad--me or her. She squeezed her eyes shut, and clenched my hand.

Suddenly, Uncle Max took his hand away, and sighed. "I'm done."

Noelle opened her eyes, and started to cry. I wish I could hold her, but I didn't dare.

"Noelle, listen, can you come back next month so we can make sure there's been no damage?" Uncle Max asked softly. She nodded wordlessly. He helped her off the table. Her fear had ebbed a bit, but the sadness, despair, resentment, and anger were still present. The resentment more strongly than anything else.

She resented me. She resented me for being who I am and for taking her baby away.

As we left the office, she turned to me.

"Goodbye, Evan. I'd say it's been great, but it hasn't. I'll settle for it's been weird." Her voice was hard and angry.

"Noelle, we're not done yet."

"That's where you're wrong. Whatever connection you formed, BREAK IT."


"I said *break* it," Noelle replied, seething. She spun on her heel and stalked in one direction. Throughout the exchange anger and regret were the dominant emotions I felt coming off of her. I knew where the anger was coming from.

But the regret? Where did that come in?

But Noelle was wrong. We were far from finished yet. I could feel it.

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