FanFic - Other
"The Real World …. Roswell Style"
Part 1
by RBS722
Disclaimer: This is a purely fun parody of the show the Real world. I do not refer to any real world cast members in anyway, and I do not mean to offend any real world fans. Also, I love all the Roswell characters. The dialogue I made is for entertainment and for laughs only. I am not in anyway bashing any character. There are also many sexual innuendos and undertones, so if you do not want to read any of that nature, I suggest you leave the thread. Teddybehr ****** Due to the popularity of the story I felt everyone should have a chance to read it. I in no way wrote this story I just compiled this all together straight from the Roswell 1 FanForem board and ran a quick spell check, I gave credit to everyone who participated and I'm submitting this with permission from the original author teddybehr. Hope you like. Faith Evans
Category: Other
Rating: R
Voiceover: This is the story of seven strangers, picked to live in a house, to fight off evil aliens, and to see when people and aliens stop being polite, and start getting real…the real world…Roswell.

Liz, Maria, Alex, Tess, Max, Michael, and Isabel are sitting in the living room.

Max: Ok, we have to figure out how to fight off this Howie person.

Michael: @#$%!

Max: What is your problem?

Michael: My problem? How come you always call the house meetings? You're so damn controlling!

Liz: What are you talking about?

Michael: Oh, shut up…little miss…I couldn't find my toothbrush this morning and woke up everyone else trying to find it.

Liz: My toothbrush? What does that have to do with anything? I think we should listen to Max. Obviously he has some idea of what to do. Do you? Or do you just like eating those damn fruity pebbles all the time. All you do is sit on your ass and watch the damn cartoon network. And you are the one who leaves the hairspray all around the house and it reeks. I can't take it, spray your hair outside.

Max: Ok, let's stop this. We have a bigger problem on our hands. We weren't put together to fight.

Tess: No, we were put together to fulfill our deeeeesssssstinies.

Maria: Oh you and that stupid crap. I'd like to show you what your destiny looks like on the pavement.

Isabel: Can we please just stop? I can't take this….

Maria: Of course you can't take it because you haven't been getting any, because Michael will stay with me, and we all know about Alex's little secret.

Alex: My secret? What secret?

Liz: We found some stuff in your room and we were a little concerned.

Alex: What stuff? What are you talking about?

Max: We found the panties and bras. We found the women's clothing. We know you're a cross dresser, and we don't mind. You should just admit it. Don't lie to us.

Alex: What? No! I am not a cross dresser. They aren't even mine.

Isabel: Then who's are they?

Alex: Topolsky's.

Liz: Topolsky's dead.

Alex: Well no, she isn't. And there's something I should tell you, we have been seeing each other for a while now….

Isabel: What? You've been cheating on me?

Alex: I couldn't wait around for you forever you know. I need a woman, not an alien!

Isabel: Oh, you did not just go there.

Maria: Let me get the popcorn, this should be good.

Tess: Alex, how could you do that to Isabel, I mean we all know I have deep down romantic feelings for her….uh…did I just say that out loud?

Liz: Yes, Max is all mine!

Isabel: Wait, what?!

Max: I can't believe this is happening.

Tess: How could you hurt her like that? (attacks Alex with a spatula, and starts beating him with it).

Then the producers, Jason Katims and Jonathon Frakes decide to have a chat with Tess.

JK: You realize that violence is greatly discouraged here at Real World. We realize you have to kill off the bad aliens, but fighting with each other solves nothing.

Tess: I know, its just that I love Isabel…she's so…sexy!

JF: We realize that, but hitting someone with a spatula is not the answer.

Tess: I know, my destiny is with Max. I mean since I'm bisexual, a threesome would be ideal….oh…did I just say that out loud…I've been rambling a lot lately.

JK: It's up for the rest of the housemates to decide if you should stay.

Cut to confessional…Liz…

Liz: Hi I'm Liz Parker and a year ago I died. And now I'm in love with Max. And I hate Tess with a passion. Oh and I'm still studying biology, my passion. You know, I'm getting a little antsy because Max doesn't want to get it on? Is it just me or is the man inexperienced? I don't know, maybe my vibrator will work with the new batteries…

In the living room, they are meeting again.

Max: Ok, we have to decide whether to keep Tess in the house.

Liz: I say kick that skeevy whore back to the curb with nasedo where she belongs.

Max: Wow, I never heard you say something so forceful…you know…it sorta turns me on. (they start going at it)

Alex: OK! We need to kick that little bitch out, I have some kind of rash, and man oh man that stupid Tom Hanks marathon on TV is pissing me off!

Isabel: I vote her out. Everyone here knows I'm homophobic.

Liz: I vote her out

Max: She's out

Maria: (still chewing on the popcorn) Oh….as if you had to ask? Of course she's out.

Michael: Come on, we should give her a chance.

Max: She is nothing but a hussy. I don't want her here.

Michael: Why because you're afraid of what might happen? Afraid that your destiny might work out?

Isabel: I'm sick of this destiny. And I'm sick of all of you. (runs out and slams door)

Max: Well 5 to 1, she's out. Kyle will move in tomorrow.

Michael walks into the bathroom. Its overflooded.

Michael: Oh no, the toilet overflooded again!

Maria: Hey, I keep on telling you to occasionally flush repeatedly and not to do only one flush. But no, you have to be macho….

Michael: This is not my fault.

Maria: Well, I am not cleaning it up, clean it up yourself.

Michael: Oh yeah….

Cut the scene to the confessional…. Alex sitting in the seat…

Alex: You know, I don't know what's happening. It seems that putting us all together brought so many problems. I just miss….I miss….Lambchops. You know as a kid, I grew up with a lot of hard situations, like choosing which book cover to pick, and Lambchops, the TV show, was always there for me, and now its just…its just I feel so alone without it….Oh god! Lambchops….(Bursts out crying…runs away from the camera).

Cut back to Michael and Maria….

Michael: Hey, you are the one that refills your aqua bra in there.

Maria: So, aqua…it means water. You see that, that's brown liquid. That's sewage. That isn't water.

They sorta stare at each other, and they go at it with this long very passionate kiss, and they slip and fall into the ugly liquid. Kyle enters.

Kyle: Hey, guys…what's going on?

Max: Oh, bad timing.

Kyle: I know, there's something I have to tell you Max.

Max: Oh, go ahead.

Kyle: Um…how do I say this. Ever since that day we got drunk, I bonded with you…and after you saved me, I saw into you, and the amazing thing was, in your eyes I was beautiful.

Max: What?! I think you have it all wrong.

Kyle: Oh right! Damn, trying to think is hard. I mean in my eyes I finally saw you as beautiful.

Max: I think you have the wrong idea here….

Liz: Yeah, you pry into my life all the time. Now you want to take Max away from me? No one can stand between us, not even Tess.

Kyle: So Tess was kicked out?

Max: Yeah, for hitting Alex with a spatula…

Kyle: Oh right….

Index | Part 2
Max/Liz | Michael/Maria | Alex/Isabel | UC Couples | Valenti | Other | Poetry | Crossovers | AfterHours
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