FanFic - Max/Liz
"The Liz Capades"
"Dog Day Afternoon"
Part 3
by Miranda
Disclaimer: I do not own.
Summary: A look at the dating prowess of Liz Parker, post-Balance.
Category: Max/Liz
Rating: PG-13
Liz bounded into the Crashdown Café clutching two plastic bottles. She waved cheerfully to Maria as she filled them at the water dispenser.

“You’re looking awfully chipper for someone who has to work the night shift on a Saturday,” Maria commented.

“Why not? It’s a beautiful day, plenty of sunshine, I have a date with Levi Oakes….” Liz smiled nonchalantly over her shoulder.

“Whoa! Levi Oakes? When did this happen?”

“When he stopped in for a coke after school yesterday.”

“Wait. I worked with you yesterday and I don’t remember seeing him.”

“He only came in long enough to get it to go. He was on his way to the vet and had his dog in the car.”

“But he was here long enough to ask you out. And you held out on me; I don’t believe you,” she complained, swinging a dishtowel at Liz’s hip. “But, ooh Levi, he’s at least a 6.0 on the Richter of hot.”

“Mmmhmm,” Liz smiled.

“What are you doing?”

“Frisbee in the park,” Liz replied, tightening the caps on the water bottles. “See you later,” she called over her shoulder as she trotted to the door.

“I want details, girl,” Maria called after her.


Liz wearily pushed open the door to the café four hours later. She shuffled across the floor and collapsed on a stool, dropping her head to the counter. Liz didn’t even raise her head to see if Maria had noticed her, she just started talking…

“Levi has dogs – as in multiple. No, that’s not entirely true. Levi has a petting zoo.”

Maria stared at Liz’s still form. “Come again?”

Liz raised her head, holding her arms out as if on display. Maria sucked in her breath. Liz was a mess. Her sweatshirt was snagged and there were streaks of mud running across the front. Bright red scratches covered her hands and wrists and her eyes were red and swollen as though she had been crying. Liz pulled a napkin from a dispenser and blew her nose. “So this is hell,” she mumbled as she wiped the napkin across her nose.

Maria quickly set two glasses of Coke in front of her and came around the counter to sit next to her. “My god… what happened?”


Liz walked on the gravel path leading into the park, trying to keep one eye on the patches of mud from last night’s rain and the other eye on all the picnic benches. She and Levi hadn’t designated a meeting place and she now realized what a mistake that had been. The nice weather had brought people to the park in droves.


She turned and waved happily to Levi as she veered off the path toward him. Maria was right. Levi was hot with his dark, dark hair and eyes. Liz shook her head angrily. Not today. She wasn’t going to let him intrude on her thoughts today.

Her eyes traveled down Levi’s body as she got closer to him. The tight T-shirt he wore exposed every rippling muscle in his arms and chest and the cutoffs… well, she would definitely know if he were interested in her. The thing was, Levi was not only incredibly good-looking, he was also one of the nicest guys Liz had ever met. She had never heard him say a bad word about anyone. It seemed every girl in school wanted him, even some of the seniors watched him walk down the hall with undisguised lust and he was only a junior. He had dated Annette Collier since the seventh grade, but she had moved away over the previous summer and he hadn’t dated anyone since. Liz still could not believe she was lucky enough to be his first venture back into the world of dating.

She was close enough now to see the twinkle in his eyes as he smiled at her. Liz smiled back. Moving on, she thought to herself.

And then she was attacked by a wandering black bear.

Liz screamed as huge pointed teeth loomed just inches from her face. She felt hot breath pouring on her throat and knew she was just moments from death. Something hard bumped against her hip as she stumbled back. She swiveled her head, heart thumping.

“Liz! Liz, are you okay? Chi-Chi, Cha-Cha, get down.”

Liz looked up at Levi in alarm, then back to the slobbering dogs. “Are these… do they belong to you?”

“Yeah, these are my frisbee-playing buddies. Aren’t you guys?” He wrapped an arm around each dog’s neck, pulling them close.

“They’re really… big.” Liz eyed them nervously. Their heads were as wide as her hips and came up to her chest. Saliva ran from their mouths nonstop.

Levi nodded proudly. “Mastiffs.”

Liz subtly tried to nudge one of the sniffing dogs away from her crotch.


They had been playing frisbee with the dogs for more than half an hour. Liz had to admit that it had been kind of fun for a while. Not exactly what she’d had in mind for a first date, but she and Levi were able to stand close to each other and talk while the dogs ran. But now… she closed her eyes and winced as she picked up the frisbee the dog had dropped at her feet. It was slimy with drool.

She threw the frisbee as hard as she could, watching the slick surface sparkle in the sun as it spun away from her, Chi-Chi hot on its trail. Levi said something funny and Liz turned to him, laughing. Later on she wouldn’t even be able to remember what he’d said. She caught movement from the corner of her eye and, for some reason, her eyes flicked past his shoulder and rested on the group walking onto the tennis courts. Liz felt the blood drain from her face and settle in her feet. It was Mr. and Mrs. Evans, Isabel and Max.

Liz quickly turned away before they could see her. She made a show of looking up at the sky and then at Levi. “It looks like rain. Maybe we should get going?”

Levi glanced upward and then at her, frowning. “The sun is still out. I don’t think it’s going to rain for a while yet. Besides, Chi and Cha are having such a good time. They usually have to take turns playing with me.”

Liz smiled and took a deep breath. Liz threw the frisbee again, keeping her eyes glued on the retreating figure of Cha-Cha

“Look, Max. Isn’t that Liz Parker?”

Liz froze at the sound of Diane Evans’ voice. She slowly turned toward the courts as Isabel called her name, keeping her eyes cast down. She slowly raised them, flicking from Isabel to her mother and finally to Max.

That’s when the ground suddenly rose up and slammed into her back. Liz tried to draw a breath, but there was a tremendous weight pressing down on her, preventing her lungs from expanding. Her eyes flew open and waves of panic rolled over her as she realized she couldn’t see. Trees, sky – all were gone, replaced with swirling darkness. Hairy, drooling darkness…

“Dammit dog. Get off me!” Liz muttered, arms straining against the dog’s shoulders. Liz could see it bending its head toward hers, tongue reaching towards her face, saliva dripping on her shirt, getting perilously close to her chin.

Liz squinted against the unexpected sun as the dog was suddenly yanked off her body. She tried to focus on Levi’s face, then gulped as she looked into Max’s eyes.

“Are you okay?”

Liz raised herself up on her elbows as Max gently held one hand against her back, supporting her. Liz swallowed hard and arched herself away from his hand. She was having a hard enough time catching her breath without having to fight the heat of his touch. Max yanked his hand back as though he had been burned.

“I’m fine, Max.” She grit her teeth as she raised one foot and shoved Chi-Chi’s nose out from between her legs. “Thanks for asking.”

Levi appeared at her other side. “Liz, I’m so sorry. Did Chi hurt you? He just got a little over-excited.”

Liz forced herself to smile up at him. “I’m fine, Levi. It’s okay.”

Levi gripped her arm and swung his other arm around her waist as he helped her to her feet. He glanced at Max. “Thanks, man. I had my hands full keeping Cha-Cha from jumping on her, too.”

“Sure.” Max nodded and took a step back.

Liz turned her back to Max as she felt hot flames of embarrassment sweep over her face. She could hear him walk back to the tennis courts as Levi attempted to wipe some of the mud from her shirt. She heard the deep rumble of his voice, followed by Isabel saying, “Hey, it’s not my fault dogs find Liz so attractive.”


“Anyway, that’s how I got this.” Liz pointed to the large paw print in the middle of her sweatshirt.

“So, Max had to rescue you from becoming squashed doggie kibble. Not a shining moment, but at least you got the bad part of the date over with right away. Things could only get better from there, right?” Maria watched as Liz lowered her head back to the counter. “Right?”

“Apparently the warm weather made the dogs think it was spring,” Liz spoke into the countertop. “Cha-Cha made a beeline for every other dog in the park. Chi-Chi, on the other hand… well, Chi-Chi continued to show an untoward fondness for me. I swear I will hear Isabel’s snarky laugh in my sleep tonight. After all that, we decided they’d had enough frisbee for one day and Levi and I just sat and talked. It started to get overcast, people were leaving the park, but he kept saying ‘Oh, just a few more minutes. They’re having so much fun.’ Next thing you know we were caught in a downpour. It took about ten minutes to get the dogs rounded up. Levi had to wrestle Chi-Chi into the car.”

“He wrestled with a wet dog? Lovely.”

“The smell, Maria. My god… the smell was…”

“It’s okay, Liz. I want details on Levi, not his hairy little friends. So, what happened? The rain shower was a couple of hours ago. Did you two do anything else or did you just curl up in a corner and rock back and forth while singing “How Much is that Doggie in the Window”?”

Liz sighed and rolled her head to the side, resting it in the crook of her arm. “He asked me over to his place to watch TV. I don’t know why I went. I guess I wanted to believe the day was still salvageable.”


“Yeah. The dogs were just the tip of the iceberg. Levi is also the proud owner of five cats and two macaws.”

“Macaws. Aren’t they the blue and red parrots? Those suckers are huge.”

“And loud. They screamed and talked throughout the entire movie.”

“They talk? Well, that’s cool. What can they say?”

Liz blushed. “Things I don’t care to repeat.”

Maria grinned. “Now you have to tell me.”

“Fine,” Liz straightened and stared at the counter as she recited in a monotone. “Oh Levi, you’re so big. Do me! Do me! That feels so good. I smell tuna fish.”

Coke spewed from Maria’s mouth. “Tuna fish?!” She shook her head. “So, what you’re telling me is that both his dogs and his birds are perverts? How about the cats? Their little tongues turn up anywhere interesting? Wait a minute, Liz, you’re allergic to cats.”

“I realize that, Maria.” Liz replied, indicating her puffy eyes. “Four out of the five cats are kittens and, while they aren’t perverts – at least not yet, they do seem to be possessed by demons. The little rats crawled all over me, hanging off my shirt. One decided it liked the taste of human flesh,” she held up her scratched and bitten hands, “and one did this when it lost its balance and fell off my shoulder.” Liz pulled her hair back. Little clots of dried blood still clung to the angry scratch that started under her right ear and extended to her upper back.

Maria looked at her friend with concern as Liz dully propped her chin on her fist and stared at the pie case. She started to rub one hand up and down Liz’s back, but jerked her hand away when Liz winced.


Liz nodded.

“From what?”

“God only knows,” Liz muttered, grabbing another napkin and dabbing at her eyes.

“You know, Liz. None of this is really Levi’s fault. So, he has a lot of pets. A guy who likes animals… well, that’s a good thing. It shows he has feelings… that he cares for others. Unlike some aliens I could mention,” she finished under her breath as Michael’s face invaded her mind. She forced him away and focused her attention on Liz. “I’m sure other dates with Levi will go better. I think you should give him another chance.”

Liz burst into laughter. “Give him a chance? Oh, Maria….” Liz dropped her head onto her crossed arms, her shoulders shaking.

“What? I don’t think the idea is that funny. If you don’t give him a chance to make it up to you… well, it would just be unfair.”

Liz sat up and spun her stool to face Maria. She clasped her shoulders. “Levi said he doesn’t think we should see each other anymore since I am allergic to his cats and so obviously dislike his dogs. He doesn’t want them to feel like they are in an unstable environment or that I’m taking him away from them. In other words, I’ve been dumped for a dog.”

Maria stared at her open-mouthed for a moment, then she stood. “Do you want hot fudge or just plain vanilla?”

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