Fanfic - Crossover Stories
"Oh My God, Max Healed Kenny!"
Part 7
by Chris Baker
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters--I am only borrowing them. Roswell characters are the intellectual property of Melinda Metz and Jason Katims Productions. South Park characters are the intellectual property of Trey Parker and Matt Stone. However, this can be considered a parody; and the Supreme Court has ruled that parodies do not constitute plagiarism.
Summary: Things in Roswell get a little weirder when the boys from South Park pay a visit.
Category: Crossover Stories
Rating: PG-13
Author's Note: This story takes place after the last episode of Roswell's first season. I have given Kenny an audible speaking part. This is the only fanfic I have seen which includes Milton, the owner of the UFO center Copyright 2000, 2001 Christopher Baker
Jimbo and Ned had decided that it was a good time to try something. They didn't see any activity in the cabin, so they assumed that everyone must have went to sleep early. Kyle Broflovski, Stan, Kenny, and Cartman were still awake, too.

"We're going to get them," Jimbo told them. "Are you boys ready?"

"Why do you want to do this?" Stan wondered. "Are you going to say that 'they're coming right for us.' They definitely aren't."

"They're coming for all of us," Jimbo claimed. "They have no right to be here."

"What's wrong with them being here," Kyle stated. "They don't seem any different from other teenagers."

"How can you question me?" Jimbo got louder. "I am your leader. This is a matter of national defense. Why did you boys come anyway?"

"To get out of South Park," Stan answered.

"Well, here is the deal," Jimbo calmed down. "If we capture one of them, we won't go back tomorrow. We'll stay here another two days."

"Okay," Kenny, Kyle, and Stan agreed.

Jimbo, Ned, Kenny, Kyle, Stan, and Cartman had to walk about two miles from their position around the lake to the other side where their prey was sleeping. They were only guided by the light of the moon reflecting off the lake. They didn't use a flashlight, as they didn't want to be seen.

Tess and Kyle got up and walked around to get everyone else up. The other six still didn't feel that they could trust her as they much as they trusted each other. But they figured they had nothing to lose if they got up, so they did. They also knew that Tess had more knowledge of their situation on Earth than they did. They all got dressed.

"I'm not sure what is out there," Tess admitted. "But whatever is out there, it is here because we are here. This is the first time I have felt something like this. If I am wrong, I do apologize. But I feel very sure about this."

"Just like you were so sure about you and Max," Liz commented.

"I think we'll be getting up soon anyway," Tess predicted. "None of you have to be awake, but it will be safer if you are.

"Why do we need to be up?" Maria wondered. "You told us we're just liabilities because we don't have the powers you do."

"You're not liabilities," Tess apologized. "That was the worst thing I've ever said to anyone. You may not be able to do some of the things I can, but you do have the power of love. I see what your love has done to Michael, Maria. I see what it's dones to Max, Liz. I see what it's done to Isabel, Alex. I may see what it does to me, Kyle."

Isabel looked at Alex and said: "I love you, Alex."

"I love you, Isabel," he responded.

Jimbo, Ned, Kyle Broflovski, Stan, Cartman, and Kenny were about fifty feet from the cabin. They stopped to look over the place, to see what the best way inside was.

Then a small creature flew up from behind and bit Kenny on the neck. Kenny fell to the ground immediatley and began screaming as loud as he could. Everyone else looked at him and his small attacker.

"It's Mister Hat!" Kyle shouted. "What is he doing here?"

"Oh my God, Mister Hat's killing Kenny!" Stan shouted.

"You bastard!" Kyle added.

The campers heard the noise inside. Kyle Valenti turned on a large floodlight.

"Let's get out there," Michael advised. "Something definitely is out there."

Stan and Kyle Broflovski tried to pull Mister Hat off Kenny, but there was nothing they could do. It was still too dark for Jimbo to shoot Mister Hat safely. Mister Garrison was also there and watched.

Tess recognized Mister Hat as well. "It's Garbrag from the planet Cabac. He's come to kill again. Nasedo told me all about him. He's a hired assassin. He kills by biting you with his venom when you sleep. We have to kill him. I knew I could sense something."

"That's a killer," Michael wondered. "It looks like a little hand puppet or something. He's barely a foot tall."

"Why did he attack this little boy?" Maria inquired. "Is he an alien?"

"Don't worry about it," Stan tried to comfort them. "It's nothing unusual for Kenny to get killed."

Tess, Michael, Max, and Isabel ran up to Jimbo, Ned, and the boys. Tess made some heat in our hands and made the killer's body overheat. He died instantly and released his grip on Kenny. Kyle Valenti, Alex, Maria, and Liz walked up more cautiously.

"Is it too late?" Max wondered.

"No," Tess answered.

Max looked at Tess, Michael, and Isabel for approval. They all smiled and nodded their heads. He reached down and placed his hand on Kenny's wound.

"You boys were right," Jimbo admitted. "There definitely is something here. I may listen to you boys more often."

"This is not the first time Garbrag has tried to kill," Tess explained. "I don't know of him ever attacking humans, however."

"Are you talking about Mister Hat?" Kyle Broflovski wondered. "We all thought he was just a puppet."

"Don't you remember when he tried to kill Kathie Lee Gifford?" Stan recalled.

"I also saw him with the KKK," Jimbo added.

"He's the best teacher we've ever had," Cartman praised.

"What?" Michael wondered. "Are you saying that this dead little puppet was your school teacher?"

"This is really strange," Isabel stated. "We have an alien here who is like Chucky from the movies."

"Does this mean that Mister Garrison is an alien?" Kyle Broflovski asked.

"He and Mister Garrison were our teachers," Stan declared. "Hey, where is Mister Garrison?"

They looked around and saw him standing about fifteen feet away. He watched in disbelief.

"Come here, Garrison," Jimbo ordered.

He walked up to them slowly and admitted: "I never knew that he was an alien."

"But you knew that he was a cold-blooded killer," Stan responded.

"This is very typical for Garbrag indeed," Tess explained. "This is how he kills. He always takes possession of someone else. He gets into the mind of his host. Don't feel bad, Mister Garrison."

"What happened to Mister Twig?" Kyle Broflovski wondered.

Max was finished and stood up. He went over to Liz and kissed her. Kenny stood up.

"Oh my God, Max healed Kenny!" Stan exclaimed.

"You?" Kyle added. "Bastard?"

"I told you he was an alien, Cartman," Stan gloated.

"I just saved your friend's life," Max announced. "I think it's time for you boys to answer some questions. What are you doing out here? My friends and I were trying to have a fun weekend alone, without any interruptions. Now we have some more freaks hunting us."

"It was Uncle Jimbo's idea," Stan stated.

"I suppose you were hoping we were killers," Michael wondered. "Are you disappointed?"

Jimbo and Ned laid their rifles on the ground.

"We've made a mistake obviously," Jimbo confessed. "Did you boys really see them kissing? Did you really seem them glow?"

"Uh-oh," Stan said.

"When did you see us kiss?" Liz inquired. "What did you think you saw when we kissed?"

"We saw you outside on top of the cafe where you work," Kyle Broflovski admitted. "We could see you from our hotel room."

"So, you boys were spying on me," Liz was little embarrassed. "I'm very flattered. But I am obviously much too old for you boys. I'm also very much in love with Max.

"And if you guys want a girl to like you, you'll never get anywhere by spying on her. You have to respect her space and her boundaries."

"I really hate kids," Michael said.

"I've learned something today," Stan announced. "I've learned that it's not where people come from that matters. It's how they treat people that matters. I've learned that I can't simply judge those things by sight."

"I've learned that there are towns even more messed up than Roswell," Maria told. "It doesn't seem that bad here."

"I've learned that most people want the same things in life," Kyle Broflovski declared. "They want to live and be with their friends and have fun, even if they may come from somewhere else."

"Were you boys watching us all day?" Isabel wondered.

"Well, yes," Stan admitted.

"First, we're hunted by the FBI," Isabel sighed. "Now we have little kids and puppets coming for us."

"Boys, I think we should all go home," Jimbo suggested. "I think we should let them alone to have some fun this weekend. I just don't feel like hunting for aliens anymore.

"I think you should get lost, too, Garrison."

"They seem like nice kids, Max," Liz admitted quietly. "I guess you were right."

"They made me want to have some of my own, someday," Max responded.

"We've got plenty of time to wait for that," Liz declared.

"I hope you will forgive us for this trespass," Jimbo stated.

Alex saw a car coming up the road.

"Who's that?" he asked.

"It's a police car," Kyle Valenti answered. "But it's not one of ours."

"It's not the state," Alex added.

"It looks like.... Wait, it can't be," Jimbo announced. "It's Barbrady."

The police car stopped in front of them. He turned on a floodlight on top of the car.

"What's he doing here?" Ned inquired.

Officer Barbrady from South Park got out of the car. Mister Mackey got out of the passenger side of the car.

"Alright, people," Barbrady ordered. "Move along. Nothing to see here."

"I demand this production of Roswell be stopped, umkay" Mackey demanded.

"Why?" wondered Kyle Valenti. "What have we done?"

"I'm the counselor of the school, umkay," Mackey declared. "These boys are only allowed to work so much, umkay. They're not allowed to work on Monday nights. This isn't even their network either, umkay."

"But we're tired of working on Wednesday," Stan complained and talked like Mackey. "We have never gotten to see an episode of West Wing."

"We're getting sick and tired of doing reruns, too," Kyle added and also made fun of Mackey. "This is a new experience for us."

"You boys don't know what's good for you, umkay," Mackey declared. "I'm doing this for your own good. I'm protecting you from people who abuse you."

"Mister Mackey, our parents said it was okay for us to come here," Stan recalled. "They know that Jimbo won't hurt us."

Barbrady handcuffed Jimbo and Ned.

"You have violated child labor laws and have trafficked these children across state lines," Barbrady stated.

Barbrady escorted Ned and Jimbo to the police car.

"We want to be here, Officer Buttbaby," Stan spoke normally again.

"It makes no difference, umkay," Mackey responded. "I have training. I know what's best for you children."

Barbrady locked his car with Jimbo and Ned inside.

"Turn off that camera now," Mackey continued. "This show is over. Roll the credits."

"Mind warp them," Max whispered to Tess.

"I can't get into the cop's mind," Tess whispered. "It's like there is no mind there or something. I've never encountered a mind like that one before. It's too... primitive."

"I said to stop the program," Mackey repeated. "If you don't stop this episode now, I will get them to stop this series completely."

"But then he will have our fans to deal with," Liz stated.

"Alright, people," Barbrady ordered. "Move along. Nothing to see here."

The End.

Part 6 | Index
Max/Liz | Michael/Maria | Alex/Isabel | UC Couples | Valenti | Other | Poetry | Crossovers | AfterHours
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