FanFic - Crossovers
"Oh My God, Max Healed Kenny!"
Part 1
by Christopher
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters--I am only borrowing them. Roswell characters are the intellectual property of Melinda Metz and Jason Katims Productions. South Park characters are the intellectual property of Trey Parker and Matt Stone. However, this can be considered a parody; and the Supreme Court has ruled that parodies do not constitute plagiarism.
Summary: Things in Roswell get a little weirder when the boys from South Park pay a visit
Category: Crossovers
Rating: PG-13
Authors Note: This story takes place after the last episode of Roswell's first season. I have given Kenny an audible speaking part. This is the only fanfic I have seen which includes Milton, the owner of the UFO center. I had a lot of fun writing this, as South Park and Roswell are about the only two shows I watch on television. Copyright 2000 Christopher Baker

I'm going down to Roswell,
Gonna have myself a time--
Little green men everywhere,
Flying saucers crashing down.
I'm going down to Roswell,
Gonna leave my woes behind--
Alien hunters with no lives,
People shouting: "Howdy, visitor."
I'm heading on up to Roswell,
Gonna see if I can't unwind--
I like aliens with big antennas,
I like aliens in gray space suits.
So come on down to Roswell,
And meet some friends of mine.

It was the last day of school at South Park Elementary. Stan Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, Kenny McCormick, and Eric Cartman walked into the cafeteria for their last lunch of the school year.

"Hello, children," Chef greeted.

"Hey, Chef," they responded.

"What are you doing for your summer vacation, Chef?" asked Stan.

"I'm going to be a chef at a resort in Florida," he answered.

"Wow!" answered Kyle. "You get to go to Florida. We're just stuck going to Roswell."

"Oh, boy, Roswell," said Chef, starting to tremble. "You boys should stay away from there. You don't know what might happen."

"My Uncle Jimbo's taking us," explained Stan. "He won't let anything happen to us."

"There aren't any aliens in Roswell," said an angry Cartman. "It's all a bunch of planet-hugging, conspiracy-monger crap."

"But what about the time they gave you an anal probe?" asked Kenny.

"You're just making that up," Cartman defended.

On Wednesday, 14 June 2000, the boys started their trip to Roswell with Jimbo and Ned. They entered the Roswell city limits the next day at about six.

"What are we going to do in Roswell, Uncle Jimbo," Stan wondered.

"We're looking for aliens," he responded. "Did you know that a ship crashed down here in 1947? The federal government covered it up. We're going to prove that there are alien beings here on Earth."

"That's un-American," Cartman preached.

"We're going to show our proof on the show," answered Jimbo. "We'll become famous, and they'll show us all over the country."

"If I find any aliens," Cartman promised, "I'm going to tell them: Hey, you stupid aliens, why don't you go back to your home planet where you belong? I'll kick you in the nuts.'"

"How do you know they have any?" Kenny inquired.

Jimbo pulled into a small hotel parking lot across the street from the Crashdown Cafe. He told the boys to go to the cafe, while he and Ned got them rooms at the hotel. The boys walked into the cafe, and Liz Parker met them at the door.

"Welcome to the Crashdown. I'm Liz," she greeted them. "Are you nice young men alone?"

Stan vomited on the floor. Kyle's mouth hung open. Kenny smiled.

"There are six of us," answered Cartman. "Don't worry. He always does that when he's in love."

"I'll clean it up," said Maria De Luca, coming over to them.

Liz lead the boys to a table. Cartman stayed near Maria.

"Yeah, clean it up, woman. You're definitely my type," he said. "Are you an alien?"

After a long pause, a disgusted Maria whispered: "Yes, I am. Do you know what we like to do to little boys like you?"

"What?" he wondered.

"We castrate them."

"Sounds sweet."

"It is, but you can't talk to anyone about this. Maybe, I'll come back for you later."

"I'll see you later." He walked to the table.

Maria finished the job, while Liz passed out menus and left the boys alone.

"She's gorgeous," announced Kyle.

"Kind of a small chest," Kenny commented, "but who cares?"

"She didn't clean up Stan's puke," Cartman added. "That other girl did. She told me that if I'm a good boy, she may castrate me. She's an alien.... Maybe we should go somewhere else. I don't want Stan to puke again, especially while I eat."

"Cartman, you are such a dumbass," Stan laughed. "Do you know what it means to be castrated?"

"I know, but why would I want to tell any of you assholes?" he lied.

"It means they cut off your wee-wee."

"They couldn't cut off Cartman's anyway," Kyle stated. "They wouldn't be able to get around all the pork fat."

After Stan's mess was cleaned up, Liz approached Maria and asked: "Did you say what I thought you said to that boy?"

"He was so obnoxious," Maria responded. "He asked me if I was an alien. He didn't know what it meant anyway."

"Yes, he was," Liz answered.

"Those boys haven't taken their eyes off you. The fat kid said the one always pukes when he's in love."

"I'm pretty powerful then. They're just harmless little boys anyway, probably from out of town."

"Anything can happen here. Nobody in this town is harmless."

Jimbo and Ned arrived, and the six males ate their supper.

The four boys got their own room at the hotel, and Jimbo and Ned stayed in a room next to it. Both rooms had two queen-size beds. They carried all their belongings to their rooms.

"Well, who gets stuck sleeping with Cartman?" Stan wondered.

"How do we decide?" Kyle asked.

"I don't want to sleep with any Jews," Cartman announced.

"I don't want to sleep next to your fat ass," Kyle responded.

"I got a deck of cards," Stan declared. "We'll draw for it--spades over hearts, hearts over diamonds, and diamonds over clubs."

Kyle stood by the window. It offered a clear shot of Liz's balcony. They could see into her room as well.

"Hey, there's that Liz girl," Kyle announced.

Stan looked out and noticed: "She looks like she's waiting for something."

"Or someone," Kenny added.

"She probably has a boy friend," Stan sighed. "What a bummer."

"Let's get the binoculars and watch her," Kyle suggested. "I'm glad you're Uncle Jimbo got us all pairs. Like he once said: 'Hunting without binoculars is like hunting without beer.'"

"Why do you need beer to hunt?" Cartman wondered. "You guys are a bunch of wimps--watching some girl from your window. Why don't you go down there and talk to her if you like her so much?"

Stan, Kenny, and Kyle got the binoculars from their bags. When they got back to the window, they saw Max Evans climbing up the ladder.

"I knew she had a boy friend," Stan observed.

"Let's watch them," Kenny commanded.

Max climbed onto the balcony.

"Oh, Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo," Cartman ridiculed. "You guys are so lame. You're watching two people meet when we could be sharing a pizza."

"Is that all you think about--food?" Stan wondered.

Max climbed onto the balcony.

"I had a feeling I would see you again," Liz commented.

"Let's cut to the chase. Before you came into my life, I did act like some engineered robot. I don't want to be that," Max told. "I would have followed some pre-ordained destiny. I have to make my own decisions, especially if I am going to lead anyone."

"But there are so many more important things in life now, Max," Liz had a tear in her eyes. "You have your planet to fight for. That's more important than our relationship."

"Before our relationship, I didn't want to fight for anything, Liz. Look at what you've done to me. I told you that the three of us came from pods in 1989. We were still living in those pods in 1999. Isabel, Michael, and I had built up these walls around us. It protected us, but it kept us from being happy as well. We didn't see the goodness and the beauty of life.

"Look at what Alex has done to Isabel. She was cold, indifferent. She's a much nicer person now. Haven't you noticed this?"

"Yes, I have. I like her much more than I did before."

"Look at what Maria has done to Michael. He actually has a soft side. He told Maria that he loves her. He didn't know how to love before he met Maria. Two of my three best friends are the happiest they've ever been, and it's because of what has happened between us."

"You have three best friends? Who is your other best friend?"

"Actually you are my best friend, Liz Parker. You can walk away from me anytime you want. But you can never, ever change what you have done to me. You've written your name on my heart, and that will never be erased."

Liz smiled and began to cry. Max took her in his arms and began to kiss her face. He kissed her cheeks slowly, tracing the tracks of her tears and tasting them. Liz held onto him tightly and began to see into his mind.

Liz could see everything that had went into Max's difficult decision. She saw how he had pondered the choice between love and destiny. She knew that his choice was to be with her. She knew that he wanted to fight, but that he would wait for it to come to him. She knew that Max did care for Tess the way that he cared for a sister, but could never care more than that. She began to lead him into her bedroom.

Max saw everything. He could see that he had calmed Liz's fears. She had underestimated herself and Max's love for her. Now, she was fully confident that nothing could ever come between them. That which didn't kill their love made it stronger.

Kenny, Kyle, and Stan were watching. Max kissed and sucked her shoulder, neck, and face. He left little glowing hickeys.

"Whoa, dude," Stan stated. "He's making her glow."

"I think we found an alien," Kyle declared.

"You guys are making this all up," Cartman sneered. "I'm not going to look. Nothing is happening, but two people kissing."

"Are they both aliens?" Stan wondered. "Or is just one of them an alien?"

"I'd say both are," Kyle guessed. "We shouldn't take any chances."

"Who's that?" Stan noticed Kyle Valenti ascending the fire escape.

"I think she can handle two men," Kenny commented.

Kyle Valenti climbed onto the balcony. As he approached the window, he saw Max and Liz together and turned around hoping they wouldn't notice him. But it was too late--Liz had noticed him.

"What is he doing here?" Liz thought.

Max had read her mind and looked outside. Liz noticed that he stopped and went to the door. Kyle was at the ladder when he heard the door open.

"Kyle," she called.

"Liz, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt," Kyle apologized.

"Well, you must have something to tell Liz. Would you like me to leave you two alone?" Max asked.

"Actually, I have something to tell you both," Kyle stated. "I have hardly been able to sleep since the incident at the museum. I haven't had a chance to thank you, Max."

"Your welcome," Max smiled.

"I know just about everything now. I feel really guilty because of how I have been acting. I shouldn't have followed you into Texas. I feel bad especially because I told Dad about the handprint on your stomach, Liz. If I hadn't said anything to him, maybe none of those things would have happened."

"I should apologize for how I treated you," Liz said. "You had been good to me, and I didn't treat you very nicely. I wish I could have told you more, but I think you can understand why I didn't tell you."

"I understand completely," Kyle responded. "If I had known that back when you broke it off, I don't know what I would have done to Max. I probably would have tried to have gotten you captured or something. Max, I hated you for taking Liz away from me, even though you did save her life."

"I understand," Max declared. "I know the effect that she can have on a guy." He put her arm around her and kissed her on the head.

"I see you with Max, Liz," Kyle continued. "It's hard not to watch you. I do care about you. But I can tell that you are very happy with Max. I am happy that you are so happy. You weren't this happy with me."

"Thank you, Kyle," Liz answered.

"I want to make it up to all of you," Kyle told. "Dad has a camp on Smith Lake, and the weather is going to be really beautiful this weekend. I wanted to see if you all would like to come up for a weekend. We could swim or just hang out. I want everyone to come--you two, Michael, Isabel, Maria, Alex, and Tess."

"You just want to get close to Tess," Liz teased.

"I would like that. But if she doesn't come, that's fine. I just want to apologize for everything I've done."

"Max, I like this idea. How about you?"

"Why not?" he responded. "Let's have some fun, just as long as there's no alcohol."

"I understand. How about we meet Saturday morning at the Crashdown at eight?" Kyle proposed.

"Great," Liz agreed.

"Kyle, before you get yourself worked up over Tess, you do realize that Tess is also one of us?" Max wondered.

"I didn't know that," Kyle answered.

"Be careful," Liz smiled and held Max tighter. "They can steal your heart. When they do, you have no chance."

"Then I'll understand how Max got yours," Kyle smiled.

Max held out his hand to Kyle.

"You're not getting off that easily," Kyle said and hugged Max.

After he let go of Max, he hugged Liz and left.

"What do you think of him and Tess?" Max asked.

"She still bothers me, Max. She seems like Isabel at the time of the shooting, only worse," Liz worried. "I don't know what would happen between them."

"Kyle seems pretty thick-skinned," Max commented. "He doesn't seem like a guy who gets hurt very easily."

"I hurt him."

"Tess is actually pretty complicated. I don't know if they could understand each other."

"I'm happy he came by."

"We had a good talk. I think we can trust him."

"I feel pretty sure that we can," Liz stated.

"I don't think anyone will be harassing us in a while."

"I think Alex and Isabel will go for this. What about you?"

"Definitely. But I don't know about Michael and Maria."

"Maria was being a real smart ass today. I think she's doing pretty well."

"That's a good sign," Max declared.

"This little boy from out of town was in today. He asked if she was an alien, and she told him she was."

"I wish people wouldn't tell jokes like that."

"I'll tell Maria that. I'm sorry. I love you, Max Evans."

"I love you, my best friend, Liz Parker."

"It seems like something always interrupts us," she complained. "I was more on fire than I've ever been."

"We can wait until Saturday. It's only Thursday evening. Plus, your parents are here."

"So what about Michael?"

"He's been reclusive the last few days. He's really scared, scared of hurting people. Tess is the only one he's been talking to. Isabel and I can't even get through to him."

"Why Tess and not you and Isabel?"

"He doesn't care about her," Max answered. "He wants to protect us. He doesn't care about protecting Tess. He's indifferent to her."

"Could I get him to come to the lake?"

"He doesn't want to talk to any humans."

"A weekend like this would be good for him."

"Definitely. But he won't believe that. He seems to prefer just sulking, feeling sorry for himself."

"Is Tess good for him?" Liz inquired.

"She can teach him a lot of things. If he becomes more comfortable with his alien part, he'll become more content with his humanity. He needs balance and confidence. When he gets that, he'll be running back to Maria."

"This weekend could give him balance."

"We can't push him. We can give him a map, but he has to find his own way."

"Maybe he will be flattered by the invitation."

"I'm going to try," Max told.

"I'll call Maria."

"I love you."

"I love you."

Max and Liz kissed shortly, and Max left to see Michael.

"Dammit, I was hoping to see more of her," said Stan.

"She's an alien," Kyle Broflovski reminded. "How do we know we want to see more?"

"Hey, you guys," Cartman declared, "I could use some ice cream."

"That's the best idea you've had in a while," Kyle complimented.

"Let's go," Stan agreed.

While the boys went to an ice cream parlor around the corner from the hotel, two other South Park residents were packing their bags for a trip to Roswell.

Index | Part 2
Max/Liz | Michael/Maria | Alex/Isabel | UC Couples | Valenti | Other | Poetry | Crossovers | AfterHours
Crashdown is maintained by and . Design by Goldenboy.
Copyright © 1999-2004 Web Media Entertainment.
No infringement intended.