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Transcript of Politically Incorrect- (Majandra)
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Thanks to Mandy for sending this in!
Guests on this program were: [ Cheers and applause ] Thank you, yes. [ Laughter ] But no, we're here, we're queer, we are now in the third millennium. [ Laughter ] I feel very in touch with the time I'm living in, but some people -- and, I mean, this is no putdown -- but a lot of people here tonight are dressed very 20th century. [ Laughter ] That's not a putdown. [ Laughter ] For its day. [ Laughter ] And the way people acted back in the 20th century -- well, let me put it this way, you wouldn't want to do everything they did, okay? [ Laughter ] I mean, listen to some of the things that they were doing back in the 20th. [ Laughter ] Wait a second. [ Applause ] But illegal to charge for sex. [ Laughter ] [ Applause ] Babies were allowed on aeroplanes? [ Laughter ] Hello. [ Laughter and applause ] People believed crazy superstitions back in the 20th, like the evil bug that lived in their computers. [ Laughter ] And it only came out at New Year's to wipe out their checking accounts. [ Laughter ] Yeah, right. [ Laughter ] [ Cheers and applause ] They took dieting advice from Monica Lewinsky, morality advice from Newt Gingrich and reading advice from Oprah. [ Laughter ] If you played professional football, you were allowed to kill your wives and girlfriends. [ Audience "oohs" ] [ Applause ] People thought their cats knew the difference between beef flavor and veal flavor. [ Laughter ] If you were President, you could fall asleep during a cabinet meeting, but you couldn't sleep with your intern. [ Laughter ] [ Applause ] I mean, the stuff that was -- there was a great gap in wealth, and if the poor wanted to become rich, they had to answer questions from a man named "Regis." [ Laughter ] And finally, there were warning labels on cigarettes but none on Puff Daddy.
Bill: All right, let's meet our panel. [ Cheers and applause ] There you are. [ Cheers and applause ] Majandra: How are you? Bill: Pleasure to meet you. [ Cheers and applause ] Hey. [ Laughter ] [ Applause ] Daryl: Whoo! Bill: I look good. [ Cheers and applause ] How are you, sir? Adam: I'm not afraid. [ Applause ] Bill: Hey, you know what? [ Laughter ] Adam: Gotta prove I'm not a superhero. Bill: You can make fun of me. [ Laughter ] If you're just tuning in, Keenan Ivory Wayans is back on the air. [ Laughter ] No, he used to wear these things for real. Daryl: Don't pass it off on nobody else, man. [ Laughter ] Bill: Gosh, Daryl, how would you know? [ Laughter ] Daryl: Didn't I see you -- Bill: I went to the ball. Daryl: Oh, all right, I thought so. Bill: All right. Daryl: Right. [ Laughter ] Bill: Now, they're trying it with sex to these hormone-frenzied horn-dog teenagers. [ Laughter ] Tasia: In my opinion, the only absolutely awful thing about that statistic is, I think that kind of teaching should be in all the schools, rather than just a third of them, because when you really look at the statistics about teen pregnancy in this country, there's absolutely nothing good that comes of teens being sexually active. Bill: It's at a 40-year low. Daryl: My thing is, I got a daughter. [ Laughter ] "Just run. [ Laughter ] Adam: Daryl, I got four daughters, and I totally agree. [ Laughter ] Daryl: Yo, you need to be responsible -- you need to be responsible -- Bill: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Daryl: Booty what?! Bill: Yeah, I got to hear this. Daryl: Hold up, hold up. [ Applause ] Bill: I'm from the 21st century, Adam. [ Laughter ] "Booty looting"? Adam: Yes, "booty looting." Daryl: "Booty looting." Bill: "Booty looting." Adam: Or "butt pirating." [ Laughter ] Daryl: You scare me. Adam: I just feel that the programs should teach responsible parenting, as well as -- Bill: That's not what you were saying. Majandra: Well, I was going to say, of course, they should, first and foremost, teach abstinence, and then, say, "if you're going to go ahead with this, this is what you should do, how to do it safely." [ Talking at once ] Majandra: Make them think. Bill: But drugs and sex is not the same thing. Daryl: Abstinence is not normal. Majandra: They don't pay attention to anything. Tasia: The problem is, though, I think the '60s and '70s -- you're totally right, they did preach this kind of free sex, free love. Daryl: That was the free thing with all the movement of love, and we're getting over Vietnam, and they just incorporate it, they want a reason to do something. Tasia: I think there's a tendency though, to sit here, then, and think, "Well, they're gonna do it anyway, why bother preaching abstinence?" Majandra: Oh no, that's not necessarily true. Adam: Talk about it, but talk about other elements, as well. Daryl: Right. [ Laughter ] "Get out the room, 'cause something gonna happen!" Tasia: I think Daryl's totally right. Daryl: That's just as involuntary as your heartbeat. Majandra: What I can tell you though is there are some kids, many kids, who actually take the abstinence route. Bill: Right, they're called the "AV squad." [ Laughter ] I have to take a break. Bill: All right, let me switch topics for a minute, because I think it's interesting that the folks who want to teach abstinence, in other words, who think that sex is too dangerous to even brooch the topic are usually the same people who would like to teach kids about firearms. Adam: Of course, of course. Bill: I stuffed my gangsta bitch into a Lincoln Navigator -- [ Laughter ] -- And hauled ass and, you know, ran red lights. [ Laughter ] Majandra: What's going to happen to Ringo? Daryl: But look, man, this is my whole take on the gun situation. Bill: Right up here, right. Daryl: Right up here. Bill: When you say "the hood," you mean the black neighborhoods. Daryl: Now, all of a sudden, we need gun control. Majandra: This is the thing, though, this is what you have to understand. Daryl: That's how I feel. Majandra: It's all about what's fashionable. Daryl: A lot more where? Majandra: It's cool to be a thug. Tasia: I think she's totally right. Majandra: White kids and the gang signs. Daryl: The ones that're bangin' in Little Rock, Arkansas? Majandra: Exactly. Daryl: Now, it's an issue. Bill: White singers -- I never hear of Pat Boone killing anybody. [ Laughter ] Daryl: Well, Pat Boone's stocks ain't dropped yet, wait till his stocks drop, you got problems! [ Laughter ] He's gonna start trippin'. [ Laughter ] Tasia: The fact is, I think, when you're killing innocent people, whether it be in the black community, the white community, it's wrong. Daryl: It is wrong! Tasia: If you're talking about the issue of gun control and legislative laws and things like that -- Daryl: It's the same thing people said about AIDS. Bill: But you know what? Daryl: It did so, it did so, come on, man. Bill: Never. Daryl: All those statistics a lie? Bill: There was never any statistics that showed that AIDS broke out into the heterosexual community like it was supposed to, because certain political lobbies wanted it to. Adam: What are we talking about here? [ Laughter ] How to get rid of the guns -- [ Laughter and applause ] Daryl: You're making an analogy! Adam: Right, but, Daryl, aren't we addressing how to get rid of the gun culture? Daryl: We don't need to get rid of guns! Bill: Hey, batman never had a gun. [ Laughter ] Adam: You're talking very self-destructively. Daryl: When you outlaw guns, only outlaws will have guns. Adam: There's no way to get rid of the gun culture in this country with what's going on. Bill: What do you mean "there's no way"? Adam: There's one way. [ Laughter ] [ Applause ] Daryl: I'm with that. Adam: And I'm not talking about a few bird-hunting rifles or shotguns. Daryl: No, it's not, but a gun is a gun. Tasia: The problem with guns though, is, I think what she was talking about earlier, we've had guns around for years and years, but statistics will show, regardless of whether it's in the white or the black community, crime rates are up in the second half of the 19th century. Daryl: Really? Tasia: Yeah, and the fact of the matter is -- Bill: No, crime is down in this decade. Tasia: No, from 1900 to now, it's -- the crime rate -- Bill: 1900, I don't know about, I'm in the 21st century and -- [ Laughter ] Daryl: You read the newspaper in your area. Tasia: I couldn't be reading the newspapers the past 200 years. Daryl: Read all around. Tasia: If you look though, there has been, from 1900 -- Daryl: She's got to read all the newspapers! [ Laughter ] You're just reading what's happening in your hood! [ Laughter ] Tasia: My point is -- Daryl: "Crime is up. [ Laughter ] Tasia: My point is, though, I think a lot of that is because it's glamorized. [ Applause ] Bill: Let's take a commercial. Announcer: Join us Monday, when our guests will be Penelope Ann Miller, Tony Hawk, Penn Jillette and Maggie Gallagher. [ Applause ] Bill: All right. Daryl: I'm with you, baby. Bill: Speaking of people in the 20th century, remember Monica Lewinsky from the last century? Adam: No. [ Laughter ] Bill: As I said last time in the monologue, this poor girl cannot get away from controversy. Adam: -- Is the way we will remember Monica. Bill: Larry King loves Monica. [ Laughter ] But as you know, that's what we all know now, Monica lost weight, she can fit into her old evidence. [ Laughter ] [ Applause ] Majandra: I swear. Bill: She did it by using Jenny Craig. [ Applause ] Where Monica said, "you know, I tried this, I tried that." [ Audience "ohs" ] Anyway, so now a number of Jenny Craig franchises are not going to air her ad or use the poster. Adam: What's the bottom line? Majandra: All I have to say is, we can still take what Bill Clinton says seriously as a role model. [ Applause ] Tasia: I don't think there's many people left in the country who look at Bill Clinton as a role model, except maybe for Bill. Daryl: Oh. Bill: Yeah, I do. Adam: I appreciate your irony. Daryl: I do. Majandra: But we do have to take what he says seriously. Tasia: The thing with Jenny Craig is, to me, it's sort of seems like she's like some sort of sports star getting like an endorsement deal or something. [ Speaking at once ] Tasia: Isn't that kind of a what she -- it's basically an endorsement deal. Adam: They're not looking at that. Daryl: What's the bottom --? [ Laughter ] Bill: "What is the bottom line," young man? Adam: The bottom line is, if she brings in the consumer, if they buy the product, how do you boycott fat? [ Laughter ] Tasia: The problem is, though -- Daryl: All I got to say is, whoever did it was a marketing genius, because they knew they would get flack, and they just put it out there and pulled it back. Majandra: She's talking about losing weight. Tasia: But don't her advertisers -- Daryl: But she's famous for having sex with somebody! [ Speaking at once ] [ Laughter ] [ Speaking at once ] Bill: Don't our advertisers what? Tasia: Don't our advertisers have kind of a responsibility when they put somebody out there to represent their product? Daryl: Let's just leave her right here. Tasia: No, seriously. [ Laughter ] Bill: Put these on, you'll feel much more calm, because, you know -- [ Laughter ] Majandra: -- Whole crazy behavior. Tasia: When you're putting somebody out there to represent your product, I think that you're in a -- you're condoning them as a person. [ Laughter ] Whether it be just to lose weight or whatever the case may be. Bill: Daryl, I think you're -- [ Laughter ] Daryl: Baby, advertisers don't care! [ Laughter ] Bill: Of all the -- right. Tasia: I think they should. Daryl: They should? Tasia: Absolutely. Bill: Are you kidding? Tasia: No, I'm not kidding. Bill: Oh, man. Bill: The police are so corrupt. [ Laughter ] Good night! [ Applause ] --- Give us your 2 cents! Mouse over and mouth off on the Politically Incorrect message board!
Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher
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