Roswell: Crashdown (FanFic)

FanFic - Unconventional Couples

"between fire and ice"

Part 1
by Diana

Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters. No infringement intended.
Summary: Ever felt something so cold that it burns?
Category: Unconventional Couples
Rating: R
Authors Note: This is my second UC story ever. I love Michael and Maria to death, but sometimes it’s fun to play around with the characters and make them do things they’d never really do. *Diana grins evilly* Thanks to everyone who’s sent me feedback on my other stories. Feedback is always appreciated. :-D

He’s never liked me. To be truthful, I don’t think any of them really like me except Max and Maria. Isabel doesn’t like me because I was the one who put them all in danger in the first place. Tess doesn’t like me because… well… she’s been over Max for years but I don’t think she’s ever gotten over the fact that I was the one who he fell in love with, not her. Kyle doesn’t like me because I fell in love with someone else while I was dating him. I don’t think he’s over that either. Alex likes me most of the time, but I don’t really know if he’s ever forgiven me for lying to him all those months. Max loves me. Maria might as well be my sister. But… he’s never liked me. He only puts up with me because of Max and Maria. He was the one I ran to. I think that’s because even though he didn’t really care about me, he was the only one who understood me. I felt Max’s heart break when he saw Kyle and I in bed together that one time. I felt it. Max and I have always been connected like that. I know how he’s thinking. I know how he’s feeling. I can only pray that the connection doesn’t go both ways. I knew what I had to do that night. I had to make Max fall out of love with me, for his sake. Love’s a funny thing, though. Even though Max’s heart was broken, even though he thought I’d betrayed his trust, even though he thought I slept with someone who hated him, Max still loved me. I could feel that too. He’s never really liked me, but he’s always intrigued me. After I got involved with Max, my intrigue with… my intrigue intensified. I don’t know what it was about him. Have you ever seen a moth dance around a flame? The way it seems like it almost doesn’t want to touch it, but can’t help itself and has to try? And even though the flame’s too hot and even though the moth will get burned and knows it will burn, it just keeps coming back. I think that’s how it was. I was the moth. He was my flame. At the time Mi-- he was having problems with Maria. She thought he was sleeping with Courtney. That’s almost funny, isn’t it? In the end, Courtney wasn’t the one Maria should have been worrying about. I don’t know how we ended up… I still don’t know how that happened. I had to hurt Max, make him forget me. Oh, it hurt to think of what I was putting Max through. I loved him, you know. So I had to make myself forget too. I had to hurt Max. I wanted to hurt Max. Then, I wanted to forget Max. I wanted to make myself forget. I think that’s how he felt about Maria. He wanted to forget her too. Not that she’d ever let him, but he had to try. He thought he hurt her too much; that she’d be better off without him. I think he wanted to make her forget him. Naturally, he had to do something that would make her want to forget him. And he had to forget her too. I showed up at his door. I was his escape. I was the one who’d make him forget. I kissed him. I didn’t pretend he was Max. Somewhere between my unzipping his jeans and his slipping his hands under my bra, I realized that I hadn’t been pretending he was Max. I was ashamed. I was supposed to be in love with Max and there I was with his best friend and we were… I dropped my eyes and moved my hands away from the waistband of his boxers. I felt my cheeks get hot. And my blush only deepened when I realized that I didn’t care that I wasn’t pretending he was Max. That I wanted him and not Max. And when I realized that I would have wanted him regardless of if I were with Max or not. I’d always wanted him. I moved my hands back to the waistband of his boxers and looked back up. He was blushing too. But when I looked at him, I realized that it had been because he had been pretending I was Maria. He didn’t kiss me at all. Maria told me that she was the first girl he’d ever really kissed. I guess that explains why he didn’t kiss me. His kisses were saved especially for her. Even though he was trying to stay away from Maria, he couldn’t get away from her. And even though he was having sex with her best friend, he couldn’t disrespect her. I think that was kind of ironic. Or contradictory. Maybe that’s a better word for it. I didn’t stay afterwards. There was no cuddling, no spooning, no pillow talk. These things, if he ever did them at all, were also probably saved especially for Maria. When we were through, I pulled my panties back on, pulled up my pants and left him there with his jeans undone and his shirt still torn from when I’d tried to pull it off of him. I didn’t say goodbye; I just let myself out. He said nothing. I think he cried. The second I shut the door, I heard little, muffled, whimpering sounds coming from inside. I know that’s what it was. It’s what I should have been doing. I didn’t cry because I didn’t regret it. I’m not sure if I do now or not. He and Maria were back together two days later. He probably went back to her that same night. She probably argued with him and bitched him out for a day or so. Then she took him back. That’s the way they work. He screws up, he pushes her away, he screws up again, he goes back to her, she pretends not to want him, she takes him back. That’s the way it is. It took Max and I about a year to find each other again. He was worried I didn’t want him anymore. I was worried he wouldn’t take me back. That’s the way we work. We always worry. We never just go for something. There is nothing spontaneous about Max and I. Spontaneity: that’s one of the things I admire about Maria. About Michael. It’s as if it never happened. He’ll never tell Maria. I’ll never tell Max. He doesn’t act any differently towards me. But the first few times I saw him afterwards, I felt it again. That heat. I felt my whole body get hot and all I wanted was to touch him. I didn’t even care if I got burned. His eyes brought me back to reality. Maria says that he runs hot and cold. She said that when he’s angry, or when he touches her, or when he tells her that he loves her, his eyes flicker like fire. When he looks at me, his eyes are like ice. I learned that it was better to forget it ever happened. Everything worked out eventually. Now, Isabel has Alex and Tess has Kyle. He has Maria. Max has me. We’re all happy now. Michael and Maria bicker more than ever. Maria swears that she loves him more than ever. I know he feels the same way. I can tell just by the way he looks at her. I’m glad that he makes her happy. She deserves that. Our lives are so different now. We don’t have to look over our shoulders every five minutes. We’re not letting some mother from another life determine our fates. Courtney was gone long ago. Kyle and Max are almost friends. Michael doesn’t have a reason to run from Maria anymore and I’ve done my job. I saved the world, for Max’s sake. I don’t have a reason to try to push Max away anymore. They have three children. Two little girls and a boy. Maria’s pregnant again. She wants another little boy. She said that since I’m the godmother, I could name this one. I would name him Michael. Max and I have been happy for years. I fall asleep in his arms every night. I wake up in his arms every morning. It’s perfect. I never thought I could be so happy. And when I wake up shivering in the middle of the night, I let Max think that it’s because I’m cold. I hardly think about it anymore. It’s as if it never happened. I’m happy with Max. I don’t have to stay away from him anymore. He is mine and I am his. Always and forever. I don’t need anything else. And when I get too close to him, when I get close enough to see myself reflected on the icy surface of his eyes, I just have to remember to forget that anything happened between us at all. I just have to remember not to think about how cold his hands felt against my skin. I just have to remember not to let myself burn.

Index