|"This is Me"
by Karen Wood
Disclaimer: The usual. I don't own them. Others do. I'm just writing
my thoughts about the characters down and sharing. Without profiting
Summary: Isabel tries to come to terms with life and death and love....well sorta! LOL Not that much can be *answered* in such a short fic!
Category: Unconventional Couples
Authors Note: The prayer is called "St. Peter's Breastplate". Even though I'm Catholic, and it's a Catholic prayer, I heard it for the first time about four or five years ago on a show called Nothing Sacred. Wonderful wonderful show that didn't get a chance to survive. I'm not a very religious person, but I loved the show for it's humanity, not because I'm Catholic. And this prayer just stayed with me. I thought it was beautiful and powerful.
|St Peter's Breastplate
I bind myself to the strong virtue of Love...
this is my life
And I love you. Not for who we were or who and how we are supposed to be. But for who you are Michael. And who I am. Who we are together. The reality of us. Destiny's not another word for obligation or duty, not to me anyway. It can be a prophecy. A foreshadowing of a natural progression of love and respect and longing and caring. Because I do you know? Love you. Respect you. Long for you. Care about you. It's in everything I know and everything you ignore.
these are my eyes
Do you see yourself in them? See the way I see you? The good of you. The fierce pride of you. The loyalty and determination. The fight and fury. And the will to survive? Because that's how I see you Michael. It's who I love. And why I love. And who I need. I don't know why others don't see you the way I do. In a way I'm thankful. I'd thought she saw the same thing. And it scared me. But now I'm not so sure she knew the you I do. And for that I'm grateful. I have the selfish want...need...to have that clear view of who you are all to myself.
these are my hands
They killed you know. Yeah. I know you know. You were there. And you beyond anyone else know how I feel. For your hands killed too. Another bond we share. The knowledge of how it feels to be in control and out of control. To take another life. What a great thing to share. But we do. And we can't change that. Now or ever. Another destiny?
this is my breath
The breath you take away. When you run your hands through your hair. Your wild hair. I liked that hair. Did you know that? I liked it when it was wild and free. So much like you. Unkempt and uncontrollable. I know you didn't plan it or anything like that. You weren't trying to make a statement. That's my job right? Fashionplate. Super-model. Prom queen. Princess. All about the hair and the make-up and the imagine of all-American girl. But that's not how you see me. I can tell. And that's another reason you take my breath away.
these are my lips
I long to kiss you. Run my lips across your lips. Those wonderfully kissable lips of yours. Then down to the hollow of your throat. Searching for a spot that would make you want me as much as I want you. Lingering there when I find it....knowing I found it by the change in your breathing....running my lips back and forth in a soft embrace of warm smooth skin. There's so much I could do, want to do, long to do with my lips on you.
this is my smile
Do you see it? My smile. The one I keep for you. Only you. It's different than the one I smile at others. At Max. At Alex. At Kyle. At a thousand and one boys who smile at me hoping to see what I keep for you. Do you know? Do you appreciate the fact that I don't share it with just anyone? I won't blame you if you don't. Just like I don't blame you for a lot of things you don't see. But I hope you do and I hope I'm right when I see you smile at me and think it's special.
this is my world
It's complicated isn't it Michael? And it's a world we both hate for different reasons. You because you think you belong somewhere else. Because you hate being normal and long for the world where you're everything but. Because you HOPE you belong somewhere else. Preferring the unknown to a past that's all too well known. And painful. I tried to save you from that Michael. Tried to protect you from the pain. But I wasn't strong enough. And because of that past you hate this world. And at times I fear that you hate me for my part in it and my failure.
I hate this world for a far different reason. I hate it because it doesn't belong to me. God I want to be normal. I want to belong here. I want to BE the person I appear to be to everyone else. I want to forget the fact that I'm not normal. I want to belong here. I fear the unknown preferring to cover myself in everyday life. And I want you to be a part of my world. I want to be the couple holding hands, going to football games, sharing lockers, wearing class rings. I want happily ever after. And at times I hate you for not wanting the same. For not thinking that's enough.
this is my soul
Here it is Michael. This is me. Isabel. What I am and who I am and how I am. The good the bad and the not-so-ugly. Not on the outside at least. Is it enough for you? Can you really see me like I think you do? The real me buried deep down in the midst of teenage angst and out-of-this-world drama? Can you love me in spite of our destiny? Because of it? I need you to love me. I need you to need me. And I need you to tell me it's going to be all right. No matter where we go. As long as we're together.
this is my heart
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