FanFic - Other
"A cafe, an indian, and a whole load of other pointless "
Part 1
by Helena
Disclaimer: I own Roswell.....sue me.
Summary: A truly bizarre tale which involves a café, an Indian and a whole load of other pointless crap...I bet you didn't see that coming, huh?
Category: Other
Rating: PG-13
Authors Note: Feedback:
Scene: Crashdown, Liz and Maria are working.

Liz: Ok, so that's one Michael Jackson meal, with a side order of children, and one JFK cocktail for you sir.

Liz walks over to Michael and Max

Liz: Hi guys, can I take your orders?

Michael: What's with all these new meals?

Liz: oh, my Dad thought we needed to modernise our menu.

Max: What's the Michael Jackson meal?

Liz: Well you get a burger, fries in the shape of little children, a mixture of vanilla and chocolate ice-cream, and a plastic toy, it's very life-like of Michael.

Michael: Ok....and what about the JFK Cocktail?

Liz: Oh, it's kind of sick really, the slogan that my Dad's using for this drink is: "one shot goes straight to your head".

Max: And this is going to help your business how?

Liz: Don't ask me, I just work here.

Michael: Well I think it's kind of disturbed

Liz: Well If you think that's bad I urge you not to try the Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky jumbo sausage deal, you get free stained dressing and everything

Max and Michael just stare at her in disbelief

Liz: Ok, do you guys want anything or not?

Max: Ok, just give us some cooked Celine Dion's and two Jimmy Hendrix's

Liz: ok, so that's two French fries and two cokes.

Michael: Why are cokes called Jimmy Hendrix's?

Liz: He died of an overdose, remember?

Max: Yeah, never trust a celebrity when they tell you that they're going to "powder their nose"....they mean it literally.

Liz: ok, I'll be back with your orders soon.

Meanwhile outside, Michael, Max, Liz and Maria are being watched.

Bob: Ok, Blue hedgehog and Dumbo have just ordered food, that must indicate that the aliens do eat.

Rob: Also, Journal junkie and Molly Ringwald look-a-like are talking in a secretive manner, and are also making milkshakes, this must indicate that they know something.

Bob: That they know how to make milkshakes?

Rob: Exactly Bob.

Bob: We have to get solid evidence that those two are infact other life forms. We cannot eat, sleep, gamble or do any type of ceremonial dance until we have captured them.

Rob: I agree. I'm quite hungry, you wanna go eat something and take a break?

Bob:.......why yes, yes I do.

Bob and Rob enter the Crashdown.

Maria: Hi, can I take your order?

Rob: Um, yeah. We'll have two Pamela Anderson's, extra chicken breasts.

Maria: ok, and will that be all?

Bob: Well, actually you could help us with something

Maria: Sure

Rob: How did a normal girl like you get mixed up in all of this?

Maria: What, waitressing? well, my friend's Dad owns the place, it's kind of my duty to work here.

Bob: Oh, don't play innocent with us missy, Is it money that you want? Come on, what are your rates?

Maria: What? What the hell are you talking about?

Rob: Is there not somewhere we could go for a little while so we can talk, you know, just the three of us?

Maria: Uh, no. I don't think that's possible.

Bob: Oh come on, it's not like we're gonna need you for the whole night or anything, just for an hour or so.

Rob: Well actually Bob, the way you do things, make it half an hour.

Maria: You two are sick!

Bob: Well it's not like we're gonna record it or anything, it will be just between us

Maria: Is this what you do? Come into restaurants and torment girls young enough to be your daughters?

Rob: Well, actually we're pretty interested in some boys as well. Do you know those two? Rob points to Max and Michael

Maria: Ok, that's it. I'm leaving now. Don't talk to them, don't even go near them.

Maria walks off

Maria: I cannot believe those two guys, they just asked me if I wanted to go and have sex with them!

Liz: Wow, are you gonna do it?

Maria: Well, I was tempted, but I said no.

Liz: Well are you sure they weren't trying to ask you about the, um.....Czechoslovakians?

Maria: What makes you say that?

Liz: Um, their T-shirts say "I'm with an alien investigator"

Maria: What's your point?

Liz: Never mind, I think we'd better warn the Czechoslovakians that the Czechoslovakian investigators are here.

Liz and Maria walk over to Max and Michael

Liz: You guys, those two men over there are acting really suspiciously, we think they might be watching you two.

Michael: Yeah, you may be right. We have to go anyway

Max: Why?

Michael: Oh, did I forget to mention that I had a vision last night that could once again lead us to who we are and where we're from?

Max: Yeah, you forgot

Michael: Oh, well I did have one, I must have just forgotten to tell you the hugely important bad

Max: Ok, we'd better go.

Liz: Well we'll come with you.

Max: What about this place, nobody will be here to look after it.

Liz and Maria look over at the now full café, and then at the guy stealing all of the money from the till.

Maria: Looks perfectly safe to me, and besides, when has it ever stopped us before?

Max: Ok then, let's go.

The four of them leave and get into the jeep.

Bob: Ok, hedgehog man and dumbo are leaving. Let's follow.

Bob and Rob quickly get into their car and follow.

Max, Michael, Maria and Liz go and pick up Isabel....conveniently, Alex is also there.

Isabel: So what's up?

Max: Michael had another vision.

Isabel: what was it this time?

Michael: I don't know exactly, it was another dome shape, although it was brighter than the last one, I know I've seen it before. Can you believe it, this might tell us the truth about everything!

Isabel: I'm pretty sure that won't be happening Michael

Michael: How can you be so sure?

Isabel: Well, you know, one of your crazy little visions never seem to help anything other than take up an hour or so of our lives each week, and plus, we're contracted for a couple of years yet, and it's not even sweeps yet, so I think it's unlikely.

Liz: What the hell are you talking about?


Maria: Does anyone know where we are, or where we're going?

Liz: Yeah, and we've been gone for three days, why haven't our parents called?

Isabel: Oh, our parents only care at appropriate times, when we all want to go on little adventures half way across the country they seem to lose interest.

Liz: Oh, ok.

Maria: Oh would you look at that, a guy's just appeared at the side of the road, maybe he can help.

They pull into the side of the road.

Max: Hi, I was wondering if you could help us?

Man: Aah, you are heading towards a dome, are you not?

Max: How did you know?

Man: I am Sea cat, I have heard a lot about you.

Michael: Sea Cat? Do you know River Dog?

Sea Cat: Yes. He was my room-mate in college, captain of the fencing team.

Maria: Um, ok....Do you know where we have to go?

Sea Cat: The only advice I can give you, is to follow the yellow brick road.

Liz: Follow the yellow brick road?

Max: Follow the yellow brick road?

Maria: Follow?

Isabel: Follow?

Alex: follow?

Liz: Follow?

Michael: Follow the yellow brick road?

Sea Cat: Oh no sorry, that was the last alien gang trying to find a dome I talked to. My advice to you is to go to Florida...find the dome.

Max: What's in Florida?

Sea Cat: Go to Florida, you will find what you're looking for. Ooh, I'm late for my village people tribute band practice, I get to be the Indian!

Michael: No kidding....anyway, thanks for your, um, help. Bye.

Maria: Ok, so let me get this straight...we don't know where we're going apart from the fact that we have to go to Florida, we don't know where we are at the moment, we don't know what we're trying to look for or where we're going to find it?...Oh this is great, just fantastic! Oh my god, my mom is gonna kill me, she doesn't even know that I've gone, what am I gonna tell her when I get back, Jesus, I don't even have clean underwear on for Gods sake!...somebody do something! Somebody say something!

Michael walks straight up to Maria, and slaps her around the face.

Michael:......That was to calm you down.

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