Michael: Oh..ok...so in the first place why would they call themselves Metallica? And what is with this song "I disappear?" that guy definitely needs a haircut. What a sucky band.

Maria walks in.

Maria: Michael, I just had the scariest dream imaginable.

Michael: Really, what happened?

Maria: Liz had the hots for Riverdog.

Michael: Hey, its ok honey, we don't have to lie. We have all had fantasies about Riverdog. You don't have to say it was Liz.

Maria: No, but it really was Liz. In my dream, she had the hots for Riverdog.

Michael: Well, the man has that white hair that just turns me on. (starts to laugh at the thought of Riverdog's hair)

Michael flips the channel. Hockey comes on.

Cut to confessional...Michael...

Michael: Wow! I just heard about this new game, where you glide on ice and you hit this black thing into a net. It looked really interesting...Only I don't know about the helmet, it would mess up my hair...Oh yeah, and its called Hockey! How about that?

Cut to confessional...Maria...

Maria: Ok, so I'm a little glad that Michael is branching out into new interests besides his hair. I mean, the guy didn't even know what hockey was until he saw it on TV. But he's become really passionate about this band Metallica. He recently just joined the Metallica Haters Club. He says Britney Spears has better music. I wonder what Liz would think about that...

Cut to scene...Michael's bedroom...music blasting, he's dancing around...

Michael: (singing) Oops...I did it again...

Liz: You lost your mind again?

Michael: Have you ever heard of knocking?

Liz: Listen, Michael, you have been brainwashed. Britney Spears does not know music if it came up and tapped her on the shoulder.

Michael: She too knows music. I mean listen to this song...It's exactly like Baby one more time. Pure genius.

Liz: Uh...Michael...she lipsinks.

Michael: So? (he starts singing) Hit me baby one more time.

Liz: (under her breath) Yeah, I wanna hit you one more time.

Cut to confessional...Liz...

Liz: Ugh! I am so sick of Britney Spears! She thinks she's so sexually intelligent, but she's not. Ok, let's take the school girl uniform for instance, she's saying that she's still a little girl not ready for experience. What is this girl doing? She needs some major help.

Cut scene to Max and Alex...on the computer...

Max: So, Alex, I just click here?

Alex: yeah, you click there and you're in chat. What is this chat anyway?

Max: it's called Roswell chat. Maybe it could tell us about possible evil aliens. Oh look, and there's this weird girl named Paceygal. She keeps on talking about Brendan Fehr. Who the hell is Brendan Fehr?

Alex: I have no idea. Must be some canadian.

Max: And what about this teddybehr person...talking about writing this Real World thing, I wonder what that's about.

Alex: Damn chat lingo. I have to catch up on this. Oh god. That girl Maria is a Colin Hanks fan? Ok, what bad taste.

Max: An 11 year old is in here by the name of Buster? Who in their right mind would let an 11 year old in here with what they're talking about?

Alex: Society today. (shakes head) And this jeepthng is chanting the name Jason Behr. I wonder what that's about.

Max blushes.

Max: Uh, I gotta leave the room. Bye.

Max walks out.

Cut to confessional...Max...

Max: Ok, I know I said I wasn't gay, and I'm not, but whenever I hear the name Jason Behr I just get completely aroused. I mean, look at the man, the amazing muscles, the eyes, the voice. And my god the ears. You have to love those ears. (sighs) But it will never be, he's too famous. He wouldn't want anything to do with an alien like me....

Cut to scene Liz and Maria....

Maria: Um, Liz...I have a question to ask you.

Liz: yeah Maria.

Maria: have you ever fantasized about Riverdog before?

Liz: Uh... (doesn't say anything)

Maria: I think I should tell Max about this.

Liz: No, Maria, we mustn’t tell anyone ever. I'm embarrassed ok. To know a 65 year old man cannot be as impotent as my boyfriend is sorta sad.

Maria: Well, from what I hear all you have to do is say Jason Behr and Max is ready to go.

Liz: What? Jason Behr? the guy with the ears?

Maria: That's what I've heard.

Liz: Man, Max has weird fascinations.

Cut to scene, Kyle and Valenti by the monitor.

Valenti: Ok, so when are they gonna get it on already? I have to do this before my lunch break is over.

Kyle: Ugh. They used to be such sex fanatics. I wonder what happened. On the monitor they see Liz come into Max's room.

Liz: Max...

Max: yeah, Liz. (he quickly hides the magazine with Jason Behr on the cover)

Liz: Oh I was watching this great movie before and you would never guess who was in it.

Max: Who?

Liz: Jason Behr.

Max: Jason Behr? (he gets all excited and pounces Liz with kisses).

Liz: Max, I never knew you could be this forceful.

Max: Let's just say I had the urge.

Michael walks in.

Michael: the urge? The urge for herbal. (starts singing the song from the herbal essences commercial).

Isabel walks in and looks at him.

Michael: What? Britney did this really good song jingle for it.

Isabel looks puzzled and walks out.

Max and Liz are still going at it.

Liz: Max, do you want me to get the krispy kremes or the viagra candy.

Max: Huh? What are krispy kremes?

Liz: OMG! we've found the cure. Max, did you realize what you just said.

Max: Just shut up and lay me.

Liz: (starts to giggle) I'm loving this!

Cut back to Alex on the computer...