FanFic - Other
"Waiting Here for Everyman"
Part 1
by Bella
Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me, yada yada, Iím just borrowing them.
Summary: Michaelís thoughts on Nasedo.
Category: Other
Rating: PG
Authors Note: Feedback and constructive criticism please. The song is "For Everyman" from the CD of the same name by Jackson Browne.
Everybody I talk to is ready to leave
With the light of the morning
They've seen the end coming down long enough to believe
That they've heard their last warning
Standing alone
Each has his own ticket in his hand
And as the evening descends
I sit thinking 'bout Everyman

I want to believe that Nasedo means us well. Sure, I donít understand why he hasnít revealed himself to us, but I like to think he has his reasons. After all, he left us the map on the cave wall and the stones from our planet. And he left instructions with River Dog in case we ever showed up. Doesnít that mean something? Doesnít it indicate that he cares about us?

I donít know why Nasedo left us to hatch from our pods all alone out in the desert. I have a little trouble finding excuses for that. But it was forty-two years from when the ship crashed til we hatched. Thatís an awfully long time to be waiting around, alone, watching over three pods that couldnít have been much company. He was probably scared and lonely, and maybe he even gave up on us hatching at all. Maybe he left to keep his sanity, to make a life for himself, an alien alone in a world of humans. Maybe I would have done the same thing if our positions had been reversed.

I know that Max thinks Nasedo is dangerous. River Dog told us that Nasedo murdered Atherton. Iíd like to think that it was because Atherton had found out what Nasedo was, and threatened to reveal him. I mean, maybe Nasedo didnít have a choice, maybe his life was in danger. People do desperate things when theyíre afraid for their life. What are aliens capable of doing?

And I admit it, I want Nasedo to be my father. I want it so bad, I dream about it sometimes.

Seems like I've always been looking for some other place
To get it together
Where with a few of my friends I could give up the race
And maybe find something better
But all my fine dreams and well thought-out schemes
To gain the motherland
Have all eventually come down to waiting for Everyman

When Maria and I were on our way to Athertonís dome, I was surprised to discover that she and I share the same dream. Sheís the only person besides Max and Isabel that I have ever been able to relate to. Weíve both been waiting for about ten years for our fathers to come and rescue us from Roswell, New Mexico.

Ten years in foster care is something like seventy in dog years. Trust me, itís even longer in alien years.

I see Max and Isabel with their happy home, and their loving parents, and I canít help but feel a little bit envious. I wouldnít in a million years want to take that away from them...I just wish I could share a little bit of the normal life they have. I wish I could know what it feels like to have a mother to tuck me into bed, and a father to watch over me while I sleep.

Waiting here for Everyman
Make it on your own if you think you can
If you see somewhere to go, I understand
Waiting here for Everyman
Don't ask me if he'll show -- baby I don't know

Make it on your own if you think you can
Somewhere later on you'll have to take a stand
Then you're going to need a hand

I donít know what I would have done these past ten years if I didnít have Max and Isabel to go to when things got really bad. The only time I really sleep is when Iím sprawled out on the sleeping bag that Max keeps just for me. Itís the closest thing to feeling safe, with Max sleeping across the room and Isabel just a door away. That sleeping bag has been the one constant in my life.

I pretend to hate Isabelís mothering, but there have been times when Iíve been losing it, and sheís the only thing thatís kept me sane. She and I are as alike as Max and I are different. Isabel shows such a cold face to the world, but inside sheís so complicated and nurturing. Isabel is so tuned into my moods, my state of mind, that Iíve learned to put up a wall so that she doesnít feel all of my pain. I want to spare her that. She already feels guilty enough that she has everything, while I have nothing. I love her for trying to give me what she can, but thereís an empty space inside me that even Isabel canít fill.

Sometimes Max irritates me when heís so cautious and earnest about everything. Heís always been the big brother, the level-headed one, and heís talked me out of many reckless impulses. But still, Max understands me in a way Isabel canít. He doesnít ask a lot of questions and smother me like Isabel does. He keeps me sane by just being there for me and listening in his sympathetic way. But thereís a part of me that needs more than Max can give.

Everybody's just waiting to hear from the one
Who can give them the answers
And lead them back to that place in the warmth of the sun
Where sweet childhood still dances
Who'll come along
And hold out that strong and gentle father's hand?
Long ago I heard someone say something 'bout Everyman

I honestly donít know if Nasedo is the answer, if Nasedo is what I need. I donít know if anything can heal these past ten years of fear and abuse and confusion, and release this tightness in my chest that makes me wake up in the night, gasping.

I just have to believe that Nasedo will have some answers that will help my life make sense.

I know Max thinks Iím being foolish, that I will only be hurt. I know Isabel canít bear the thought of me being disappointed like that. They think my search for Nasedo is a pipe dream, that I will slowly wither away and die waiting for him.

But what they donít realize is that without this hope, I am empty. Without this dream, I am lost.

Waiting here for Everyman
Make it on your own if you think you can
If you see somewhere to go, I understand
I'm not trying to tell you that I've seen the plan
Turn and walk away if you think I am
But don't think too badly of one who's left holding sand
He's just another dreamer, dreaming 'bout Everyman

Email Author | Back to FanFic Page
Max/Liz | Michael/Maria | Alex/Isabel | UC Couples | Valenti | Other | Poetry | Crossovers | AfterHours
Crashdown is maintained by and . Design by Goldenboy.
Copyright © 1999-2004 Web Media Entertainment.
No infringement intended.