FanFic - Other
Part 1
by Caty
Disclaimer: I don't own anything that has anything to do with Roswell. Nor do I own the song lyrics, they're "Bent" by Matchbox twenty.
Summary: Michael POV, set a year after "Destiny."
Category: Other
Rating: PG-13
"If I fall along the way
Pick me up and dust me off"

I did it again. The pain in her eyes is the only indication, but I know that once again I've managed to crush her entire world. And still, I also know that she will never give up on me, that she'll never abandon me. She will always be there to pick me up after I fall, even though she knows that I'll fall over and over again.

"If I get too tired to make it
Be my breath so I can walk"

She knows I love her. Ever since that day last may, the first time I said the words aloud, I've made sure I let her know how I feel everyday. Not always with words, because it's still hard for me to be the sentimental guy who recites poetry and gives non-practical gifts. But still, sometimes I'm scared that my love just isn't good enough for her.

"If I need some of your love again
Give me more than I can stand"

I still find myself pushing her away at times, scared that we're getting too intense, that I'll never do anything but hurt her. When I get like that, she sits with me, and sometimes we cry together over our lives. We cry, and she holds me, and eventually I feel like maybe I am worthy of her love.

"When my smile gets old and faded
Wait around I'll smile again"

She's come to predict these moods of mine. She knows me that well, better than anyone else in the world.

"Shouldn't be so complicated
Just hold me and then
Just hold me again"

We're learning together that there's no such thing as perfection. We're still working on it, but when we realize that neither of us are perfect, that's when our relationship is the best. For a long time we looked to each other as salvation. We both dreamed of something better, a father in a limo, parents in a spaceship, someone to come rescue us from our lives.

"Can you help me I'm bent
I'm so scared that I'll never
Get put back together"

She wanted the perfect man - someone who wouldn't disappoint her, wouldn't leave her. And me - well, I wanted her, and I wanted her to be happy. But I thought she never possibly could be happy with me. I thought I was damaged goods, irredeemable. So I tried to protect her from me.

"Keep breaking me in
And this is how we will live
With you and me bent"

I was scared to death that my loving her would make her like me, damage her. And there would be one more thing to add to my list of screw-ups. She was the only good thing in my life for so long, that I'd almost come to idolize her. I told Max once that just me being who I was would hurt her, and I believed that for a long time.

"If I couldn't sleep could you sleep
Could you paint me better off"

I didn't believe I was good enough for her, and she didn't trust that I wouldn't be the same as all the other men who had been in her life. She couldn't trust that I wouldn't leave her, that I wouldn't up and disappear one day when she least expected, never to be heard from again.

"Could you sympathize with my needs
I know you think I need a lot"

For a long time, we didn't understand what each other really needed. We didn't need each other to be perfect. We just needed to be secure enough to trust each other. As it happens, that's one of the hardest needs in the world to fulfill, especially for the two of us.

"I started out clean but I'm jaded
Just falling
Just breaking the skin"

Max remembers me, in the desert, not reaching out to take his hand when the Evans' car pulled up. He doesn't remember before. I do. I remember a time when I trusted someone. Nasedo was there, when I emerged from my pod. I remember that I trusted him, that I thought he would take care of me. I remember thinking he was my father, and then I remember him leaving me in that cave without any food or water. That was my first experience in this world, and it has colored my entire life.

"Start bending me
It's never enough
'Til I feel all your pieces"

I'm not saying that our life is perfect now. We still slip. We still sometimes expect more of each other than we can realistically give.

"Start bending me
Keep bending me until I'm completely broken in"

But we work on each other. We talk, we who started out only physical. Liz, Max, Isabel, Alex, they still think our relationship is mostly physical. They don't see the quiet moments, when we lay next to each other in bed and just talk all night long.

"Shouldn't be so complicated
Just touch me and then
Just touch me again"

So, what did I do this time? I'm not quite sure myself. Maybe it's an alien/human communication thing, but Alex assures me that human men have this problem all the time.

"Without understanding
Hell, I'll go there again"

All I know for sure is that I love her, and I'll do anything she wants me to without questioning.

"Can you help me I'm bent
I'm so scared that I'll never
Get put back together"

Loving her, dealing with the ups and downs of everyday life has taught me that I don't need to be fixed. No matter what hells I went through in this life, they shaped me. I am who I am, and I can't change that. My experiences are what made me into the man Maria loves. So, I'm thankful for every one of them.

"Yeah, you're breaking me in
And this is how we will live
With you and me bent"

Who knows how this will all end. All I know is that Maria and I will be together, reveling in all of our imperfections.

Max/Liz | Michael/Maria | Alex/Isabel | UC Couples | Valenti | Other | Poetry | Crossovers | AfterHours
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