The truth of the matter is that no mater how much I hate him, I can’t stop loving him. I’ve tried to let go. I really have. But, like I told Liz last year-they’ve ruined it for us. But hey, I’m Teflon babe. And he’s a stone wall. I can see the scratch he’s made on my surface. So why can’t he see the crack I know I’ve made in his wall?

*****

“Michael, honey, can you help me with a box? Hey, what are you looking at?” Maria asked walking around him. She looked at his face and saw the tears falling down his cheeks. Then she notice the familiar book in his hand.

“My journal.” She remembered. “Where on earth did you find that?”

“I really hurt you back then, didn’t I.”

“Yeah. But you’ve made up for it everyday these past twenty years we’ve been married.” She said kissing him. “Now tell me, where was it?”

“In the very back of your closet, up on the top shelf. Why?”

“Is that the only one you found?”

“There’s more?”

“Yeah. I have one for every year it took for you to finally come to your senses and come back to me.”

“Why didn’t you ever tell me about them?”

“I didn’t want you to read them like you did Lizzie’s,” she said with a smile.

“That was a whole different situation and you know it.” He said with a slight smirk.

“Truthfully, I kind of forgot about them until today and actually seeing that book. Michael, that was a long time ago. We were all going through some major things. What I wrote in those books doesn’t matter much anymore.”

“Maria, but they did matter. I’m so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you.”

“I know. You were just trying to protect me.”

Michael looked at his watch and said, “ Isn’t it about time for you t o go meet Liz and Alex?”

“Is it three already? I should get going. You’ll be alright here?”

“Yeah. There’s not a whole lot left that I can do. You go on. Have fun.”

“I love you.” She said as she kissed him. “I’ll meet you at home.” She said as she walked out the door.

*****

Maria sat in a booth at the Crashdown Café with her two best friends. The each handed the others a package.

“I cannot believe that we’ve been doing this for the last 25 years!” Alex said to the girls.

“Neither can I.” Liz added.

“Michael found my journal earlier.”

“Which one?” Liz asked.

“The first one. I don’t know how much he’s read, but whatever it was upset him.”

“Well, be grateful he didn’t read Number 3. That had some really sick thoughts in it.” Alex said with a laugh.

“No, I thought that Number 4 was the worst. After that it just got mushy.” Liz said smiling.

“Funny you two. I lied to him. I told him that there were only five books.”

“Why? There’s nothing wrong with keeping a journal.”

“I know. It’s just that they are so personal. Have you let Max read your journals?”

“Only that first one.”

“So you know what I’m talking about. Look at the time. I really need to get back. We’re still packing up my mom’s house.”

“Yeah, you should get back. If there’s anything you need just call us.” Liz said hugging her best friend of over 30 years.

“My feelings exactly.” Alex added joining in on the embrace.

“Give our hellos to Max and Isabel." Maria said walking out the door.

Maria got into her car, pulled a pen out of her purse and opened the book’s cover. Then she wrote:

Book 25
Thoughts by
Maria Deluca Guerin

*****

Book Twenty-Five. It’s like a major anniversary! When I first started on Book 1, I didn’t think I would actually keep writing for twenty-five years. But you’ve become a real friend to me.

I remember how angry I was when I first began. But today, I am so grateful for all I have in my life. Especially now that Mom’s gone. I really miss her. But I see her everyday in the kids. Especially in Erinna. My life is so full. I have a wonderful husband and five beautiful children. Who would have thought that all it takes to knock down a stone wall is a little Teflon?!