FanFic - Michael/Maria
"Not Even the Rain"
Part 11
by loki
Disclaimer: The characters… not mine, well except for the two I made up. The poem at the end is not mine, it's by e.e. cummings.
Summary: It's a future-fic, set when they are all about 25. While it's primarily a M/M fic, there are lotsa people and issues popping up.
Category: Michael/Maria
Rating: PG-13
Maria paused at each step as she walked up to Max and Liz’s apartment. She had a pretty good idea of the explosion that was going to happen inside when she told them that Michael was taking off again. Not only that, but the fact that she sat on the information for almost ten hours was not going to go over well. She really didn’t know why she didn’t call them earlier. After Michael left, she sat on the couch staring off into space. She didn’t want to talk to anyone, didn’t want to see their faces of sympathy, didn’t want to be reminded that, while this time she didn’t have him, that he left her again. She didn’t want to face the fact that he’d broken through to her heart in a way that she’d never been able to do with him.

Plus, Maria knew that as soon as she told them – there would be a manhunt to drag him back and make him talk. ‘Michael *wants* to leave – and who are we to keep him here?’ She thought. ‘If he wants to go – waltz out of our lives without a second thought, well, I’m not going to throw myself at his feet and beg him to stay, no Siree Bob.” Giggling, Maria pictured her mother saying that – it was one of her favorite phrases. Her mother – when Maria’s father left, she begged him to stay and look what it got her. Nothing. Just a life of trying to move on while still being slightly hung up on the boy she fell in love with at sixteen.

“And I am *not* doing that,” Maria said aloud, her hand poised at the door. “I’m not going to live the rest of my life hung up on Michael Guerin.” Letting loose a furious series of rapid-fire knocks, she stood back and waited for an answer.

A few minutes later, Liz appeared at the door sleepy-eyed. “Maria,” she mumbled, surprised. “What time is it?”

The blonde pushed past her and stormed into the apartment. “About 8:30, I think. Where are Max and Isabel? Are they up?”

“Uh,” Liz closed the door.

“Who is it?” Max stumbled out with Isabel not far behind. They squinted at the blatantly incensed woman in the middle of the living room.

“He’s leaving,” Maria announced, hands on hips.

Liz padded over to her. “Who’s leaving?”

“Michael.” Max said, coming out of his stupor.

“No.” Isabel shook her head. “He’s not. He just told me yesterday that he would stay longer. We were going to talk.”

“Surprise, surprise,” Maria bitterly sniped. “This is *Michael* we’re talking about. Did you really think he’d stick around, Isabel? Even for you?”

Isabel opened her mouth to respond but Max cut her off. “Stop it.” He shot Maria a warning glance. “When did he say he was leaving?”

“Last night. He came by around ten.”

“TEN O’CLOCK?” Isabel shouted. “You knew that he was leaving last night, and you didn’t say a word? What the hell is wrong with you, Maria?”

“HEY!” Max yelled. “I said knock it off – both of you. There’s a chance that he’s still here. Let’s just get ourselves together and look for him. Do you know where he’s staying?” Maria shook her head. “Is?”

“Some Bed and Breakfast – that’s all I know.”

“It’s probably the one over by Main.” Liz spoke. “Do you think he’s still there?”

“I don’t know,” Max furrowed his eyebrows. “But it’s the best chance we’ve got. After that – we can just drive around and look for him. We’ll take two cars – Liz, you go with Maria. Is and I will take our car.”

“He’s probably gone by now.” Isabel slumped into a chair.

“We don’t know that,” Max tried to comfort her, rubbing her shoulders. “Let’s just see what we can find out. Meet back at the diner on Bailey at ten o’clock?”

“Fine.” Maria grunted.

“Let’s go,” Liz grabbed her shoes and Maria and pulled her down the steps.


“Okay, what is *with* you, Maria?” Liz asked after ten minutes of silence. “First you are upset, then angry, then fine with everything, and now you are being…” she paused.

“What? What am I being?”

“A total bitch.” Liz said quietly.

“*I’m* the bitch? *I’m* the bitch?” Maria spat out. “With the ice princess here, I don’t think that I’m any competition.”

“Maria… I’m not…” Liz closed her eyes, frustrated. “I’m just worried about you. I haven’t seen you this worked up since before you left Roswell. Why didn’t you tell us last night? I just don’t understand.”

Maria looked at her best friend, then back at the road. She gripped the steering wheel tightly, then slowly let her fingers relax. “Liz… I don’t know. When he said he was leaving… I just. I can’t explain – I thought I was over it, I really did. His leaving, his being here… him in general. But I’m not. He walked out and I couldn’t move. I stood still in the kitchen for a while, and then I just sat on the couch for hours. I haven’t even slept. Two nights now my mind is on nothing but him. I thought,” she laughed painfully. “I was stupid enough to think that he needed me. I was stupid enough to think that there was a reason he came to me that night. But I was wrong. Again.”

Liz reached out to touch Maria’s arm. “Michael *does* need you. But I think he’s afraid to admit that to himself. You know him… he’s not exactly the type to have a big talk about his feelings. But he’s let you see him in ways that no one else has. Maria… you know to Michael that means more than anything he could ever say.”

Maria pulled the car into the driveway of the Bed and Breakfast. Looking down, she gave a slight nod, then got out of the car.


While Isabel had gone into the diner to see if Maria and Liz had shown up, Max waited outside. Leaning against the car, he tried to think of any other places that they should hit. A child’s cry from the store on the right attracted his attention. As he looked over, Max saw the elusive one coming out of the convenience store.

“Michael!” Max called to him, walking across the parking lot.

Michael looked up, then shook his head. Lydia was coming by soon and they were going back home. He just wanted to get out without one more heated confrontation. “I don’t want to talk, Max.”

“I don’t really care what you want right now.”

“And you ever did?” Michael sniped back.

“Do you *ever* think about the consequences of your actions? Have you even given one thought about what this is going to do to Maria?” Max cornered him against the side wall.

“Maria? Why are you so concerned with Maria all of a sudden?” Michael asked, irritated.

“I told you, she’s my friend. I remember what it was like last time you left – she didn’t take it well. Besides, it’s not just Maria. Isabel keeps thinking that you two are going to have this wonderful talk and the world will be right again. You were going to leave without even saying good-bye to her? What’s happened to you, Michael? Who is this person that you’ve become?” Max asked, disgusted.

Michael glared at him, willing his hands to stay at his sides. “Just turn around and walk away, Max. Forget you saw me.”

“Forget. Walk away. Ah, yes, the Michael way.”

Michael’s grasp on his self-control was weakening. He shoved Max away from him and started off to the road. Max grabbed his wrist and forcibly stopped him. An image flashed in Michael’s mind, his whole body shuddering both from the unexpected vision and the realization of what he was just shown.

“You’re not her friend.” Michael whipped around.

“What?” Max asked, getting fed up.

“Maria. She’s more than just your friend.”

“You don’t know what you are talking about, Michael.” Max stared him down.

“You’ve slept with her.” He stated matter-of-factly.

“You don’t know what you are talking about, Michael.” Max repeated, almost condescending.

Michael smirked, shaking his head. “Now I get it. The anger, the ‘worry’ about hurting Maria. You’ve got Liz, and all you’ve been concerned with is Maria.” His eyes narrowed. “So, tell me. Did you wait a whole month after you got back? Six? Or did the two of you just go at it as soon as you walked in the door? And what about Liz? Is she happy that you are getting a piece on the side?”

Slamming Michael against the wall much harder this time, Max held his arm against Michael’s chest. “Listen to me. I’m sick of your self-pitying bullshit. Things changed while you were gone and you don’t even know the first thing about what happened. You haven’t given a damn about any of us for years, and now you are here, angry about what was done in your absence? Fuck you, Michael.”

It was difficult to breathe with Max’s arm crushing against him. Michael finally pushed him away. He brushed himself off and looked past Max. An evil sparkle lit up his eyes. “Does Liz know?”

“Does Liz know what?” A female voice came from behind Max. They both turned to see Liz, quite alarmed, approaching them.

Michael’s eyes darted from Max to Liz and back again. Max turned to Michael again, his own both begging him to keep his secret and daring him to tell. There were no words spoken, no obvious facial expressions explaining what was going on. The two former friends stood perfectly still in a twisted battle of wills.

“Does Liz know what?” She repeated.

Breaking his gaze, Michael dug his hands into his pocket. “That I’m going home.”

** PT. 11

“You can’t just go, Michael,” Isabel stormed across over to them. She had seen Liz and Maria making their way towards the store and decided to follow them. Then she saw what had attracted their attention.

“Look, you all knew that I wasn’t staying.” Michael grunted, not looking directly at any of them.

Isabel stepped closer to him. “What happened to ‘no more running’?” She touched his arm gently. “We have things we need to discuss.”

Shaking his head, he backed away from her. “I have a new life now – I can’t get pulled back into this.”

“Pulled back? Michael, this is who you *are.*” Max ran his fingers through his hair, frustrated by everything. At this point, he didn’t even know if Michael *should* stay. His presence seemed to do nothing but hurt people. But after everything, Isabel still wanted - needed - to be with him. So, for his sister, Max was trying to keep Michael here.

Michael met his eyes again, this time not in anger. “Not anymore, Maxwell.”

“Michael?” Lydia stood a few feet away from the group, ringing her hands nervously. She eyed all the people around him intently, trying to discern exactly who they were to him. Tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, she motioned toward the car. “Everything is all set. We can… go.”

Michael stood straight and tried to smile at Lydia. She was here, finally. He just needed to walk over, get in the car and drive away. Then he could deal with her questions without four pairs of eyes staring him down. Lydia raised her eyebrows at him – in expectation of something more. Michael winced, knowing exactly what she wanted. But he couldn’t do that – he was trying to get away from Max, Isabel, Liz and Maria – the last thing he was going to do was introduce her to all of them. Giving Isabel an apologetic smile, he turned to Max and nodded. “Well, I guess this is it. Be seeing you, I guess.” He walked over to Lydia, passing between Liz and Maria, not acknowledging either one of them. Taking the keys from his girlfriend, Michael opened the driver’s side door and started to get in.


‘This is too much.’ Isabel clenched her hands in her hair, and watched Michael leave her. Again. And no one else was doing anything. Max stood there, not even glancing in the direction of the small green car. Liz was staring at Max, and Maria looked hopelessly after Michael, pained confusion on her face. Deciding to take things into her own hands, Isabel stomped over to him as he was getting in and held the door open. “What about your dreams? You can’t leave before we figure out what they mean.”

Michael stopped immediately and glared at Maria. Lydia, on the other side of the car, shot her an equally death-inducing look. Maria jumped back in surprise and shrugged her shoulders. “What? I didn’t tell her.”

“I told her.” Max turned to face Michael and Isabel.

Michael smirked, leaning across the car. “Always butting in where it doesn’t concern you.”

Exhausted, Max crossed over and stood behind Isabel. He placed his hands on his sister’s shoulders and cocked his head at Michael. “When are you finally going to accept that it concerns all of us?”

“Michael,” Lydia asked wearily, “What are they talking about?”

This was it. His proverbial moment of truth. Michael bit his lip and looked at Lydia. The woman he’d spent the last year or so of his life with – who promised that they could go back to that life, no questions asked. Michael had to admit that it was a virtually empty life – but that was what he’d been looking for, right? A life of minimal stress where his main looming problem was having enough money to pay the rent. He turned and furrowed his eyebrows at Isabel and Max. His family – or what was at one time. Isabel’s eyes softened, and tears appeared to be forming at the corners. ‘Family.’ The word echoed in his head. Even Max – Max, his best friend, his brother of sorts – even Max who had betrayed him in one of the worst ways, he was still Michael’s family. Hanging his head, he walked around the car and took Lydia’s face in his hands.

“I have to stay.”

“But…” She whimpered, catching her breath.

“I’m sorry. I… I know it doesn’t seem like I am, but… I never meant,” Michael pressed his forehead against hers. “I have to stay – there are things that I’ve been running from for so long, and I need to deal with them. And I need to do it now.”

“I can stay with you. I can…” Lydia shook her head, eyes fixed on his lips.

“I’m sorry.” He kissed her head and pulled away. “I can’t drag you into this.”

“But… I just want to be with you.”

Opening the door, Michael grabbed a black duffel bag from the back seat. Closing the door, he put it on the top of the car to block Isabel and Max from his vision. Lifting Lydia’s chin with his finger, Michael kissed her, softly, passionately, yet with the knowledge that it would be the last time he would see her. She knew he wouldn’t be back – not to her, anyway. Michael kissed her cheek and leaned into her ear, whispering, “Good bye.”

Slinging the bag over his back, he walked over to Maria who hadn’t lost her look of disbelief and longing. She didn’t know if she should smile, cry or just keep staring at him blankly as he approached. Michael stopped short in front of her. “I don’t want to talk to you. Ever again.” He growled, low enough for only her to hear.

Maria stood still, stunned. Max walked over to her and placed his arm around her waist. “He knows,” he whispered against her temple. Her body stiffened against his, watching Michael take Isabel by the hand and dragging her back to Max’s car.

Neither of them felt the weight of Liz’s stare.


After dropping Max off at the apartment, Liz drove to Maria’s place. She tried to joke that it would probably take them hours to get back since neither Michael nor Isabel knew their way around town very well. Max offered a weak smile, but Maria didn’t even look in her direction. She’d sat silently staring out the car window the entire ride.

When they got back, Maria let Liz unlock the door and followed her up into the apartment. She walked straight into her bedroom and spread out in the middle of the bed, studying the ceiling. Liz leaned against the doorframe and watched her.

“I’m so tired.”

“I can imagine – you’ve barely slept in two days.”

Maria sighed, exhausted and frustrated. “No, I’m tired of this, Liz. This push and pull. This drama. All these secrets.” She paused, thinking about the past ten years of her life had become an overlapping web of secrets and lies. “I just want a normal life. With normal problems and normal relationships.”

“What are you saying?” Liz asked, apprehensive about the answer.

“Maybe Michael was right all along. Just walk away and don’t look back.”

The brunette crossed her arms, trying to catch the eye of her best friend who still refused to look at her. “You want to leave?”

“I’ve been thinking about it.” Maria nodded.

“But Maria…” Liz said softly, almost whining. “I’d miss you too much.”

‘Just *once* can it be about me?’ Maria thought angrily. She wrapped her arms around her head, and pushed herself back into the pillows. It wasn’t that her friendship with Liz wasn’t important to her, but lately Maria had felt like the phrase “wacky sidekick” had been taken much too seriously. The ‘sidekick’ part, specifically. Liz got shot, Maria got pulled into the lives of the alien trio, got her heart smashed into a thousand pieces by one of them, and just as she was getting her life together – Max dragged her across the country, so he could be ‘closer to Liz.’ At the time, a break from New Mexico and everything Roswell seemed like a good idea. But it really didn’t change anything. Her life still revolved around Liz and Max – just now the store was a slight distraction. Roswell was no longer home, and this town certainly wasn’t home. Part of Maria just wanted to run away and start all over away from the people she cared about. Basically, do what Michael did. If only they’d let her.

“I can’t live my life to make you happy, Liz.” Maria spat out, feeling guilty as she saw the look on her best friend’s face. But there was more to her words than she knew Liz realized. More than she wanted Liz to know – right now, possibly ever. Quickly changing the subject, Maria yawned and apologized. “I’m sorry, I’m just in a horrific mood and everything has been getting to me. You’re right – I think I just need some sleep.”

Part 10 | Index | Part 12
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