“Maria, don’t say that. You know how much I love you. I just have to do this.”

“I am not going through this again with you. Just leave. Do what you want to do.” She said walking out the door.

*****

I left your apartment and went to Liz’s. My heart felt like it should be breaking in two, but the amazing thing was I was so calm.

I knew this day would come. Ever since the day Courtney told us about them. And how they worshipped you.

But I always hoped you would choose me. That you would choose us. But I guess I was wrong.

The others seemed quite surprised by the whole situation. I feigned ignorance, pretended that was the first I had heard of the “Michael Worshippers” or the Renegade Skins. They were so sympathetic. To the point that I just got so sick of it.

I played my part well, Michael. I played the jilted girlfriend, but in reality I had no feelings towards you or anyone. I only felt indifference. But, still I protected you.

I left Roswell the day after Graduation. I ended up going to college in Santa Barbara, California. I never made any close friends, so I just studied. I got my degree in Health and Human Developments.

I was offered a great position in Social Services at the Sheriff’s Department in Roswell, So I took the job and moved back home.

Home. Funny. I felt like I haven’t had a home since you left. When I got back to Roswell, everyone had just gotten back as well.

The Whit’s were offered a chance to reunite by playing a local outdoor concert for charity at the park. After much convincing, Alex got me to agree to sing. But just this last time.

So here I am on stage, strangely nervous. It’s a refreshing feeling to know I can still feel something.

*****

I know I fucked up by leaving. But I had to help them. Their sole purpose for being on Earth was to find me so I could lead them into peace.

I suppose it all goes back to Courtney. She awakened some leadership quality in me. She told me what potential I had.

You cannot even imagine how I felt when you walked out the door. I wasn’t hoping that you would just let me go- the way Liz did Max- but, I didn’t think you’d actually just walk out. No goodbye… No nothing.

You didn’t even give me enough time to tell you I was coming back as soon as they were safe.

It took me several years to find a safe place for them to be. A place they weren’t being hunted or killed.

That’s all I wanted. I wanted them safe.

I thought about home a lot. I knew it was senseless to call anyone. They would just tell me how stupid I was being. That I was an irresponsible asshole.

And I really wasn’t in the mood to listen to them bitch at me over the phone. Especially when I had Skins after me everyday trying to kill me.

So I promised myself that I would make everything up to you.

So here I am six years later, watching you onstage. You seem a little nervous.

I’ve been in town for a week. I’m just such a chicken shit. I’m afraid to approach you. Fearful of what you’ll say. But I’ve missed you so much. All I want to do is apologize a thousand times.

But instead I stand beside a tree watching you begin to sing. I remember the melody and my heart drops.

*****

I felt you before I saw you. You don’t know this. My heart skipped and I felt alive. But then the pain hit, so hard and so fast.

You left me alone you selfish bastard. Not a phone call, not a note, not even a damn postcard telling me you were okay.

But, I still love you.

I pulled Alex aside and asked him to change songs. And he agreed. The beginning chords were playing. I hope you understand the meaning.

*****
Nobody Knows
By The Tony Rich Project

I pretended I was glad you went away
These four walls closin’ more everyday
And I’m dying inside
And nobody knows it but me
Like a clown I put on a show
The pain is real even if nobody knows
And I’m crying inside
And nobody knows it but me

Why didn’t I say
The things I needed to say
How could I let my angel get away
Now my world is just a tumblin’ down
I can say it so clearly
But you’re nowhere around

The nights are lonely, the days are so sad
And I just keep thinkin’ about
The love that we had
And I’m missin’ you
And nobody knows it but me

I carry a smile when I’m broken in two
And I’m nobody without someone like you
I’m tremblin’ inside and nobody knows it but me
I lie awake it’s a quarter past three
I’m screamin’ at night as if I thought
You’d hear me
Yeah my heart is calling you
And nobody knows it but me

How blue can I get
You could ask my heart
But like a jigsaw puzzle it’s been torn all apart
A million words couldn’t say just how I feel
A million years from now you know
I’ll be loving you still

The nights are lonely, the days are so sad
And I just keep thinkin’ about
The love that we had
And I’m missin’ you
And nobody knows it but me

Gonna find you wherever, ever you might go
I’m gonna unload my heart and hope you come back to me
Said when the nights are lonely

And I just keep thinkin’ about
The love that we had
And I’m missin’ you
And nobody knows it but me

*****

I walk towards the stage just as you were finishing. You hopped down and ran into my arms. I’ve really missed that.

I know we have a long way to go. I know it won’t be easy. But if I have to apologize everyday for the rest of my life, I will. Because I love you that much.