FanFic - Michael/Maria
"Need You Around"
Part 1
by Jennna
Disclaimer: I own nothing.. blah blah blah.
Summary: Maria decides she needs something out in the open. Michael bungles the situation.
Category: Michael/Maria
Rating: PG-13
Authors Note: Distribution: Ask, and ye shall receive. Feedback: Greatly, greatly appreciated. This is my first fanfic.. I want to know if I should just stick to my day job. Note: This was inspired by The Smashing Pumpkins' "Blissed and Gone." Lyrics were written by Billy Corgan.
Summer's left
The rains are gone
And all the kids have left their tears and gone home
Sweet seventeen
Sour twenty-nine
And I can't explain myself, what I hope to find
You were oh so kind
When I was near

And if you're still feelin down
Then maybe you need me around
To love and hold you
But say I hadn't told you so
Maybe you need me around

I had no luck
I had no shame
I had no cause
Just seventeen days of rain
And you, in my eyes

Just one more soul
To slay this earth
And I can't explain myself
Just what it's worth

It was all I had
But not all I need
And I can't escape the fact that I still bleed

And if you're still feelin down
And if it seems way too loud
Then maybe you need me around

I had no voice
I had no crime
I had no choice
I've done my time
I had myself
I had my friends
I had my soul
And I had no hand in watching
It all fall apart

And if you're still feelin down
Then maybe you need me around
To lift and scold you
To send you crashing over now
Maybe you need me around...



They say it's what I do best. Perhaps they're right.. it's seemed to come naturally since my first day on this Earth. Run from my problems, run from anyone who might guess the truth, run from my feelings...

And that's what I'm doing now. Running. Living up to everyone's expectations. But for the first time, it doesn't feel like the right thing to do... and it's all her fault.

I opened my door to see her standing there. Overwhelmed by pale skin, intense green eyes, the faint smell of cyprus oil. Some of the many things inherently Maria.

I wrack my brain for something snide, something to turn her away before I lose my mind.. and there's nothing. I look up at her eyes for a brief moment, and they seem to say that she won't be swayed tonight. Resistance is futile. I mumble a 'come in' and open the door a bit further.

She perches on the edge of my couch in such a way that suggests she wants the opportunity to exit at a moment's notice. She's looking at me so intently it makes me shiver. "Michael."

The sound of my name upon her lips never ceases to amaze me. No one else has ever said it like she does.. with that note of yearning. It scares me, and yet thrills me to the core of my soul.

"Michael," she repeats, as I seem to have been caught up in my thoughts. I look up at her once more, as to let her know I'm listening. "I need to tell you something.. I just need to get it off my chest."

She's shaking slightly now. I want to hold her until she's still again.. but I can't. I won't. "What?" I say instead, ruder than I intended it to be.

"I... I know you care about me. And I know this will probably ruin things.. between us.. but.. I..." She wears the wounded expression of a child that knows they're about to be berated by their parents.

"Just spit it out," I snap at her. That's it Michael, just make her go away. Then you won't have to think about her... but you always do anyway.

"I love you!" she whispers fiercely. "I love you."

The words send shock waves through my entire being. My veins are on fire. I don't move for fear that I'll go to her... and never let go. I can't afford to let that happen... or can I?... Max and Liz are making it work....

"Get out." It's the first thing the rational part of my brain produces. I'm stunned by my own choice of words.. as soon as they reverberate through the empty apartment, tears well up in her eyes. I can't bear to see her cry... especially knowing I'm the cause of it. I always seem to be, lately.

She's out my door in two seconds flat, as her chosen position allowed her to do. Out of sight, out of mind.. if only that was the case. So I pace around a bit.. and I run.

The desert. 3am. I just notice that it's raining. A fitting natural expression of my thoughts... pressure built to the breaking point, and finally letting it all pour out.

I love her. More than anything else.. but I can't tell her that. Or so I keep telling myself. Finding my way home feels more like a cheap excuse every passing day... what is home anyway? Home is with the one you love. Home is what you know, and feel comfortable with. No, it's not that I need to find a way home.. I'm already home, in a sense. But I'm terrified, right down through my bones. Terrified I'll mess up, I'll let her down when she needs me the most. But most of all, terrified at the thought of someone needing me at all. It's not a feeling I'm accustomed to. I don't know how to deal with it. Staring up at the violent storm sky. The rain mingling with the tears on my face. Resistance is futile... so maybe I should stop being so stubborn, and just give in. Give in to her.. our.. love.

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