FanFic - Michael/Maria
"Let Me In"
Part 1
by Liz M
Disclaimer: I own no one Roswell, nor do I own the songs "Even Angels Fall" by Jessica Riddle or "Let Me In" by Chely Wright.
Summary: Michael hears Maria sing for the first time.
Category: Michael/Maria
Rating: PG
“Did we really have to come here tonight?” Michael Guerin grumbled.

“Yes, now shut up,” Isabel Evans hissed, hitting Michael on the arm. “I promised Alex I’d be here to see him perform, especially since I missed the last performance. Besides, don’t tell me you’re not looking forward to seeing Maria sing.”

“I’m not,” Michael said, not looking at Isabel.

“Uh-huh,” Isabel said disbelievingly.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about, Isabel –“ Michael began to protest, but Isabel cut him off.

“Look, there they are. Come on, they saved us seats.” Isabel headed over to a table right in front of the stage where Liz Parker, Max Evans, Kyle Valenti, and Tess Harding were sitting. With a last desperate look at the door, Michael turned and followed slowly after Isabel.

“Nice of you to join us, Guerin,” Kyle said when Michael finally reached the table.

Michael glared at Kyle across the table as he took a seat, but said nothing. “Does anyone want anything to drink before they come on?” Liz asked quickly, hoping to avert any possible unpleasantness.

“Good idea,” Max Evans agreed quickly. He knew exactly what Liz was trying to do and he squeezed her hand under the table. “Let me flag down the waitress.” Max got the waitress’s attention and she came and took drink orders for the six at the table.

“So, what kind of stuff does Alex’s band perform?” Tess asked while they waited for their drinks. The last time The Whits had performed had been before Tess had come to Roswell, and she really didn’t know what to expect.

Liz smiled across the table at Tess. Ever since Tess, Max, Michael, and Isabel had discussed and then dismissed the whole “destined soulmates” thing, Tess had become a lot friendlier to the humans, and Liz was actually starting to like having the blonde girl around. She and Kyle really seemed to be good for each other, as well, and their group of six seemed to be slowly expanding into a group of eight. *Everyone’s really getting along so much better lately,* Liz thought happily to herself. Then a small frown crossed her features. *Well, except for Michael and Maria.*

Ever since it had been resolved that the four aliens were going to create their own destiny and follow the paths that they chose, Michael had been avoiding Maria. When they were forced to be around each other, he was extremely distant to her, treating her more like a stranger than the girl he supposedly loved “too much.” Liz knew Maria was incredibly hurt by Michael’s behavior toward her, but she put up a good front in front of people and rarely let the hurt show through. Most of the members of their group had figured it out, however, and Liz wasn’t sure if Michael hadn’t or was just refusing to acknowledge the fact.

Liz realized that everyone at the table was staring at her now. “What?” she asked self-consciously. “Did you guys say something?”

“Well, you’re really the only one who saw them the last time they performed,” Kyle explained. “Michael, Tess, and Isabel weren’t there, and if you recall, Max and I were a little out of it that night.”

The others laughed at Kyle’s reference to himself and Max showing up drunk with Liz and the radio DJ after they had crashed her “dream date.” Max blushed as he remembered his actions on that night, but Liz smiled at him and rested her hand on his knee under the table, letting him know that they were all only teasing him.

“They really do a variety of stuff,” Liz said as the waitress deposited their drinks on the table. “They do some covers and some of their own stuff, and it ranges from ballads to pop to alternative, so I guess pretty much anything goes with them. They’re really good, though, I’m so glad you guys are all finally going to see them perform. Alex has been playing guitar for so long and it’s so great he’s finally getting to show off how talented he is. And Maria, well, she’s just always had such an awesome voice. You guys are gonna love her,” Liz said, staring straight at Michael. Michael avoided her gaze, concentrating on the Tabasco sauce he was pouring into his Pepsi.

Isabel opened her mouth to speak, but before she could say anything, the lights in the club began to dim as a man walked out onto the stage. “Ladies and Gentlemen,” he boomed into the microphone. “Tonight Manifest is proud to bring you an extremely talented local group. Let’s give it up for The Whits!”

Liz, Max, Isabel, Tess, and Kyle screamed and clapped with the rest of the club as Alex, Maria, and the rest of the band walked out onto the stage. Only Michael was silent, staring up at Maria and watching her every move as she took the stage. She wore tight black capri pants with a baby blue tube top, and her hair spilled in golden ringlets over her shoulders. Michael caught his breath watching the fluidity of the movement of her body as she approached the microphone.

Behind Maria’s back Alex signaled to the band, and they began to play. The opening strains of “Even Angels Fall” filled the club. Maria stared out into the audience, focusing her gaze directly on Michael as she began to sing.

“You found hope
You found faith
Found how fast
She could take it away.
Found true love
But lost your heart
Now you don’t know who you are.”

Michael pulled his gaze from Maria’s. This was too much for him to stand. It was bad enough that he had to stay away from Maria, he didn’t think he could handle her singing those kind of hurt words at him. As long as he could pretend to himself that Maria didn’t really care about him, that his decision to end things between them hadn’t hurt her, then it was much easier for him to keep his resolve to stay away. Because he knew he had to stay away. Aside from the obvious fact that he just plain wasn’t good enough for her and that he would only end up hurting her in the end, he know knew his destiny, and he knew he couldn’t involve her in that. He was a soldier now, and he could never be what she needed him to be. No, it was better this way.

He began to rise from his seat, determined to get out of there now before Maria’s beautiful voice could cast its spell on him and make him forget his resolve. Tess reached out and shoved him none too gently back into his seat. “Don’t even think about it,” she hissed, never taking her eyes off of the stage. “You are not going to do something so rude to your friends while they are performing. You came to see them, now you are going to sit in your seat and you are going to listen to the whole concert, and you are going to enjoy it. Do you get me… brother?”

Properly chastened, Michael slumped back in his seat, muttering his grudging agreement. Across the table Isabel watched out of the corner of her eye, smiling. “Nice job,” Isabel whispered in Tess’s ear.

“Just a little friendly sibling persuasion,” Tess said innocently. Then she winked and turned back to the stage.

The next hour and a half passed uneventfully, and Michael began to enjoy himself, just allowing himself the luxury of staring at Maria and listening to her beautiful voice. The band finished up another one of its original compositions, and then, with a look back at the band, Maria stepped up to the mike as the music faded out behind her. “You guys have been awesome, and we’ve had so much fun tonight. We’re just about done, but we’re gonna do one last song here. It’s a song by Chely Wright called “Let Me In,” and it goes out to a certain spacey someone in the audience. They know who they are.”

Michael felt his heart start to pound and his breath caught as Maria again looked directly at him and began to sing.

“There are times
I stand in wonder
To look at you
And all you are
And I think I can
Unlock the mystery
Break through your walls
And win your heart.”

Michael stared back at Maria, unable to break eye contact, as memories began to wash over him. He let his defenses fall for a moment, finally admitting things to himself that he had been denying and ignoring for so long. He thought back to a conversation he and Maria had had in the hallways of the high school when he had told her he couldn’t be around her because she made him feel human and he didn’t want to feel that way. He wanted to be a stone wall. Some stone wall he had turned out to be, he thought sarcastically. A word or a touch from the tiny pixie girl on stage had been all it had taken in the past to knock that wall apart. She had come into his life, demolished his “stone wall,” and captured his heart, and she had done it so quickly and easily he hadn’t even realized it was happening until it was too late.

“I don’t mean to scare you
There’s no need to be afraid
We can take our time”

And Maria hadn’t pushed him. He knew she wanted so much more from him as far as a relationship went, and he knew she deserved a hell of a lot more than he gave her, but she had complained so rarely.

“But I’ll take my chance in saying
Let me love you
Really love you
Open up your heart and let me in
I don’t know who
Taught you not to trust
I’ll be constant as the sun that shines above
Close your eyes and take the fall
If it’s really love there’s no risk at all
I can love you if you’ll only let me in”

She had always stood by him. Even when she had every reason to hate him for his treatment of her, she had remained loyal and helped him and the others out when it counted. Even now, when he knew deep down how painful it was for her to be around him, Maria was still there for them all, laughing and talking, giving Max advice on Liz, being a supportive friend to Tess when Nasedo had died. She was the one true constant in his life, the one person he knew he could count on without reservation, even when he didn’t want to admit it to himself.

“I see your strength
And how you shine
You’re a diamond in the rough
That should be mine.”

She’d always given him so much more credit than he felt he ever deserved. She believed in him more than he ever could. And even when he had killed a man, when he had wanted to kill this man, still she had not lost her faith in him. She’d still believed in him, believed that he was truly good and not a killer. There had never been the slightest bit of fear or disgust in her eyes when she looked at him after he had killed Pierce. He was dangerous, a cold-blooded killer, but Maria refused to believe that. She was still there for him, and deep down he knew she always would be.

“But you’re still fighting
An old, old war
That’s left you wounded
And left you scarred.
You hide your weakness
Behind those walls
You think it’s your own secret
But in your eyes I see it all.”

Maria was the only person who’d been able to see past those walls, the only person he had ever felt comfortable letting inside his walls. She had seen every side of him, and it hadn’t caused her to turn her back on him. She’d been there to comfort him that night he had run away from Hank’s. She hadn’t asked questions, hadn’t even really known what was going on, and had only worried about keeping him safe and comforting him. She knew him inside and out, and she accepted and loved him for everything that he was, and he knew no one else would ever care about him the way that Maria did. Or at least the way she had. The way he had screwed things up so much in the past few weeks, well, okay, from the beginning if he was going to be honest with himself, he wondered if she could still possibly care for him the way that she used to.

“Let me love you
Really love you
Open up your heart and let me in.
I don’t know who
Taught you not to trust
I’ll be constant as the sun that shines above.
Close your eyes and take the fall
If it’s really love there’s no risk at all.
Lay down your past
And then you can begin
To let me love you
Really love you”

“You don’t understand anything about us.”

“Maybe we should have never started this… I’m alone and that’s the way it’s gotta be.”

“I gotta be a stone wall.”

“This is not about our stupid relationship.”

The hurtful things he had said to her in the past came rushing back to him, and he winced inwardly. Why had she stuck with him, even through all of that? Did she really want him to let her into his life again? Into all of the pain and the uncertainty that came with it?

“I can love you if you’ll only let me in”

He looked around the table at the rest of his friends. Max’s arm was draped loosely around Liz’s waist and her head was resting on his shoulder. Isabel and Alex were gazing at each other in rapturous attention from their respective places at the table and on the stage. Kyle and Tess were holding hands under the table, looking happier and more relaxed than Michael could remember seeing either of them in the past few months. They weren’t letting their destiny or their duty get in the way of what they really wanted, and maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing after all. Maybe even soldiers didn’t have to be so detached. He looked around at his friends again. They had all taken a chance, each of them, by letting someone into their life. And that was what all relationships were really about, he realized. It didn’t matter the circumstances involved. Anytime two people got into a relationship, there was always a risk to both halves of the couple. There was always the possibility for the relationship to go in so many different directions, both good and bad. Maybe what Maria was asking him right now wasn’t such a ridiculous idea after all. He looked back up to the stage and gave Maria a small nod. Maria stared back at him a moment and then a slight smile crossed her face as she finished the song.

“I can love you if you’ll only let me in.”

The audience cheered and applauded and Maria thanked everyone as the band took their bows and then departed from the stage. “Come on, we’re gonna go backstage and see them,” Tess said to Michael. Isabel, Max, and Liz had already started backstage as the club rapidly emptied around them.

“I’m going to wait out here,” Michael told her.

“Michael, please don’t do this,” Tess said softly. “You heard that last song. You know exactly what Maria meant by that. Please don’t do this to her and to yourself.”

Michael shook his head. “Don’t worry, Tess. I’m going to talk to her, but I don’t want to do it in front of everyone. I’m going to wait out here for her, okay?”

Tess cocked her head to one head and studied him a moment, considering what he had just said. Then she shrugged. “Okay, but I really hope you know what you’re doing,” she told him. “We’ll see you later.” She and Kyle followed the others backstage and left Michael alone at the table.

Sitting in the now empty club, Michael thought back to a more recent conversation that he and Maria had had. “I miss you,” she had told him.

“I know. But don’t,” he had responded, walking away from her.

Don’t? He snorted to himself. What a hypocrite he was. Who did he think he was to tell her not to miss him, when he missed her every single minute that he wasn’t able to be with her? Trying to convince himself not to miss her would be tantamount to trying to convince himself he didn’t need to breathe or eat. He shook his head in disgust. God, he would never understand why Maria put up with so much of his bullshit. She deserved so much more than that, and yet –

“Hey.” Michael started. He had been so caught up in his thoughts he hadn’t even seen Maria walk up to the table.

“Hey,” he responded. “Um, good job up there. You have a really good voice.”

“Thanks.” She stared at him until Michael became uncomfortable.


“Well, Tess said you wanted to talk to me, and somehow I’m doubting it was just so you could give me your review of the Whits’ performance. So what’s up?”

Michael stared at Maria and found he couldn’t speak. Everything he had been thinking about saying to her suddenly didn’t seem like such a good idea anymore. “Um, nothing,” he finally said. “I, uh, just wanted to tell you I liked your singing.”

Maria rolled her eyes, frustrated. “Fine, Michael, whatever. You know what, I don’t have time for this. Silly me, I actually thought you might have some kind of sensible, rational something to say to me, but I guess I was wrong. As usual. I’m going to change, all right? I’ll see you later.”

“No, Maria, wait,” he said desperately as she turned to leave. “That’s not what I wanted to say. Can you sit, please?”

Maria slid into the seat across from him, watching his face warily. “Well?” she said finally when Michael didn’t speak again.

“I, um, I heard your last song when you were up there,” he began, staring at the straw wrapper that his fingers were fiddling with. “Um, and well, uh, I guess I just don’t understand why.” He looked up at her now. “I thought we talked about this and decided it was over, that *we* were over, and that that was what would be best for everyone.”

“No, Michael, as I recall there was no “we” or any “talking” about this. There was you avoiding me like crazy, and then just telling me “we’re over.” There was no discussion, no taking into account what I wanted. It was just you being selfish, again, and making decisions for other people. You know, you talk all the time about how you hate how Max makes all the decisions for you four without really caring about what you may have to say in the matter, but did you ever stop to think that maybe you’re being just like him? That you made this major decision about our relationship, about ending it, and you didn’t even ask me what I wanted. You just said this is how it’s gonna be, end of story.”

Maria’s voice had risen until she was almost yelling and now she rose from her chair and stood right in front of Michael. “I stood up there on that stage, pouring my heart out to you in that song, and it just didn’t mean anything to you, did it? You just don’t care! You don’t care about anyone but yourself, you don’t care what anyone else wants, as long as you get what you want, is that it?”

“Do you think this is what I want?” he asked her in a low voice. “Do you really think that this is what I want?”

“Then what do you want, Michael, huh? Do you even know? Or are you just too scared to even ask yourself that. What do you want?”

He looked up at her and Maria was surprised at the hungry look she saw in his eyes. “You,” he muttered. “God help me, I want you,” he growled, before grabbing her and pulling her to him. Maria barely had time to let out a surprised yelp before Michael covered her lips with his own.

It took a few seconds for Maria’s startled mind to process what was happening, and a few seconds after that to calm the shaking in her limbs enough to pull away from him. “Oh, no, you are not going to do this again just to get out of a conversation,” she warned him, backing a few feet away from him again. “I seem to remember telling you once that you can’t just wave your hand over a problem and fix it. This is the same thing.”

“You asked me what I wanted,” Michael told her softly. “And the answer is, even though I’ve tried so hard not to, I want you and only you.”

“Then why are you doing this, Michael?” Maria asked him, refusing to be swayed by his comment, even though she felt her heart rate pick up at his words. “Why do you keep hurting me?”

“Because I thought it was what was best,” he told her. “I thought it was what I had to do. I mean, learning all this stuff about being a soldier and evil aliens and all the rest, I just thought that keeping you out would be the best thing I could do for you and me. But then I realized that I was wrong,” he continued, reaching across the table and taking her hand gently in his. She didn’t pull away and Michael, taking that as a good sign, continued. “I thought that to be a good soldier, a good second in command, I had to be tough and couldn’t have ties to anyone else. I thought this was the best idea and that it was what I needed to do to help my planet, but I realized that all it was doing was hurting the most important person in the world to me."

He paused and looked up, directly into her eyes. “Maria, you’ve got to believe me, I never wanted to hurt you. I thought I was doing everyone, especially you, a favor with my actions, but I was wrong. And I’m sorry about what I’ve done and the way I’ve treated you. I know there’s no excuse, and I hope you can forgive me for it someday.”

Maria grinned slightly. “Keep talking, Spaceboy.”

He took a deep breath. “Maria, you made me think about what’s important in my life, and I realized something. I realized that I want you back into my life more than anything. Do you think there’s any way we could, um, try again?” he asked almost shyly.

Maria squeezed his hand gently. “It could take awhile,” she told him, “but I think this is a good start.” She smiled at him and Michel’s heart lifted. He knew that rebuilding their relationship would be a challenge, but he knew he was up to it. He was ready to start fighting for what was most important to him.

After all, wasn’t that what being a soldier was all about?

The End

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