FanFic - Michael/Maria
"Enough of Me"
Part 1
by Caty
Disclaimer: I don't own anything that has anything to do with Roswell. Nor do I own the song lyrics, they're "Enough of Me" by the Indigo Girls.
Summary: Maria POV, set after "Balance."
Category: Michael/Maria
Rating: PG-13
"We were all wounded in some domestic war
I found you to settle my score
You looked like father
You felt like mother
My mind told my heart
There is no other"

Even though Lizzie doesn't believe me, I did consciously choose him. It wasn't just some lust driven thing. She likes to think that she and Max are special, that they're soul mates, that none of the rest of us have that deep of a relationship. I don't argue with her, even though I know it's not true. Because if I did argue, I'd have to explain, and I don't think I can, not even to her. It's amazing how many secrets I keep from my best friend, the person who's supposed to know me best in the world.

I don't tell her about the first time I saw him. She doesn't know that he reminds me of my father, in both looks and actions. I don't say that I chose him the first day I saw him, that I didn't need her to bring him to me. I didn't need to know his secret to know him. But, once I did, I was that much more certain that he was mine. The two of us were perfect for each other, perfectly ruined, perfectly scarred, perfectly imperfect.

"And I gave you my soul
And every ounce of control"

I gave him everything I could. The first time he touched me, his fingers pressed against my chest, smeared with silver paint, he had my soul. He has everything I ever have been, everything I ever will be. And I was good for him. He could control his powers when I was around. I gave him the self-confidence that Max and Isabel never could, because he was always measuring himself up against them. He's more powerful than the two of them combined, actually. I know he is, know it in some way that I can't explain, the same way I know that what he and I have is both more difficult and more precious than Max and Liz's connection.

"I gave you my skin
And my original sin"

I gave him my body. His touch filled some desperate aching need, and I never will get enough of it.

To this day I'm mad that I let Liz ruin that. What we had then was both completely simple and utterly complicated. Our bodies called out to each other, as though they knew more than our conscious minds. But I let Liz convince me that I needed a "normal" relationship, that I needed more than just sex. What I need is him, any way I can get him.

"I gave you my pride and my side
oh my pride
Ain't that enough"

He's the only one I ever let get away with challenging me. He sees the deepest part of me, the one that was hidden under layers of defensiveness as Gracie and Beth and all the others taunted me throughout the years. He's the only one who's never made me feel like I'm less than they are. In fact, he's the opposite. He actually thinks that he's not good enough for me. Imagine, someone thinking that of me. Me, who only ever hoped that people would look far enough past Liz to see the wacky sidekick and never expected that someone would see the actual me.

"I turned your dreams into lightning
Ain't that enough"

With me, he came into his true power. He came to trust in himself, to believe that he wasn't the worthless loser he'd always been labeled. I'm the only one who really believes in him, who trusts him completely.

"I held the world back for you
Ain't that enough"

I've always been determined to protect him. And I am the only one who can protect him, once I convince him of that. I'm the only one who's strong enough to shield him from the world.

"I loved you past the point of dying
Ain't that enough of me for you"

I stood there and watched him, sweating, covered in cobwebs, and I was terrified that he was leaving me. I know he's the only one I'll ever love, he's the only one there ever will be for me. Liz and I joked once that Michael and Max had ruined us for human boys. The truth is, I was ruined for human boys before he even kissed me. From the first moment of awareness, I knew there was someone out there for me, one specific person. I saw my mom struggling to find that one, and I hoped it wouldn't be as hard for me. Well, it some ways it's been easier, and in some ways it hasn't.

"I was so sure one and one gave you one
My noisy love is coming undone"

This is one of those not so easy times. He's trying to walk away, convinced that he's not enough for me. He doesn't understand that I feel the same way about him. After all, I'm just a human girl from Roswell, New Mexico. A human girl who no one ever truly saw, a human girl who just faded into the background before he came. And him? He's everything.

"Now you leave like father
Disappointed like mother
And I know in my heart
There is no other"

He's leaving, and there's nothing I can do to stop him. Somehow I know that we need this; it's not meant to be easy for us. Truthfully, sometimes I've wanted that. I've wanted to have things handed to me, to not have to work at things. I've wanted to be Liz. I've spent most of my life wanting to be Liz. He's the first one who's shown me that being just myself is enough. I know he'll be back. He knows that he needs me, he just doesn't quite realize how much I need him. He's trying to take care of me the only way he knows how, by protecting me from the danger that will be his everyday life, the danger that he thinks is him.

"And I gave you my soul
And every ounce of control"

But it's only me who's ever been able to focus his powers.

"And I gave you my shame
And my eternal flame"

It's only me who's never felt that he wasn't good enough for them, even though I sometimes think I'm not enough for him.

"And I gave you my need and my seed Oh my need"

It's only me who stands in front of him, asking to be loved.

"Ain't that enough?"

We are more than enough for each other, no matter what the world, or Lizzie, tells us we need.

"Why can't you hold on"

I know he's still holding onto me, even though he pretends to have moved on. I see him every night in my dreams, and I hold onto that with all that I can. After all, "The course of true love never did run smooth."

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