Roswell: Crashdown (FanFic)

FanFic - Michael/Maria

"Circle"

Part 1
by Diana

Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters. No infringement intended.
Summary: Michael reflects on his post- destiny relationship with Maria.
Category: Michael/Maria
Rating: PG
Authors Note: I know, I know… It’s yet another Destiny-related story. Sorry about that… But I read a few of the Roswell spoilers for season two and… well let’s just say that I was inspired to make up my own destinies for M&M {sigh}… Feedback is always appreciated... Thanks to everyone who's sent me feedback on my other stories :-D

Every day is the same. I get up. I go to work. Sometime during the day I’ll see Max, Tess and Isabel. The only one who looks happy is Tess. She always has this expression that looks like she’s just waiting to say I told you so. I don’t like her. Sister or not. Max and Isabel look like hell. Everyday, every time I see them, they’re putting up a front like everything’s okay. Max tries to act like everything is okay without Liz. Isabel tries to act like she hasn’t been sneaking out to go see Alex every night. And me? I act like nothing’s wrong too. I tell them nothing’s wrong. I lie to them. I lie to myself. My apartment feels empty now. Every day I dread going home. Every night I try to fall asleep as soon as I can, just so I can stop thinking about how empty the place is. It never works. I can’t sleep there anymore. Every night I end up at Maria’s. Every night I stand outside her window and watch her brush her hair. Every night she catches me watching her, calls me the most insulting things she can think of, and refuses to speak to me ever again. Every night she lets me inside. I apologize. She never buys it. She rants, she whines, she criticizes. I get angry. She gets angry. I say I never should have come there. She says she never should have looked twice at my sorry ass. I get angry. She gets angry. She says that falling in love with me was the stupidest thing she ever did. I have to agree with her there. Then I go and do something stupid too. I kiss her. I kiss her before I have the chance to run away from her again. I kiss her and she starts to back away. She never lets me go. Every night is the same. We fight, I kiss her, we make up. That’s the way it is. Last night was a little different. She started crying this time. Somewhere between her calling me a heartless bastard that she never should have wasted her time on, and me getting angry again, she started crying. I can’t stand to watch her cry. It only makes me feel worse. So I kissed her a little early last night. And I held her for a while. She asked me why I left her. Why I couldn’t stop leaving her. Why I couldn’t stay away from her. I couldn’t answer her. So I kissed her again. She asked me if I loved her. I said yes because it’s the truth. She asked me to never leave her again. I said I wouldn’t but I knew it was a lie and I knew that’s what she needed to hear right then. So I held her and kissed her and lied to her and said I’d stay. And she kissed me and held me and lied to me and said that she believed me. Every morning is the same. I wake up beside her and I watch her sleep. I brush back the hair that has fallen across her face. I kiss her cheek. Then I decide if I’ll leave her again or not. Every morning I wrestle with my conscious. I don’t want to leave her again, but I know that’s what’s best. And I know that I have to stay away from her this time, but I know that I’ll end up right back here tomorrow. Usually, I’ll decide to go. I’ll kiss her again and then slip out of her arms before I have the chance to change my mind. This morning is different. I keep thinking about what happened last night. She cried all night. I made sure that she was already asleep before I started crying. I love her. I have to leave her so I can come back to her. Every morning I have to explain that to myself. Every morning I have to drag myself from her arms. Every morning I try to force myself not to look back. I always look back. Every morning I have to make myself leave her. Every morning I promise to make it up to her, to the both of us. I’ll lie there and watch her sleep and swear that I can walk away from her and never look back. Every morning I have to lie to myself. Just give me five more minutes and I swear I’ll go. That’s all I need. Just five more minutes alone with her and then I’ll leave her. I’ll never look back, I swear it. Just give me five more minutes.

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