Fanfic - Michael/Maria
"Chasing Hope"
Part 33
by Candy Doris
Disclaimer: The characters are not ours, just the creative circumstances in this particular fanfic came from our minds.
Summary: All our favorite characters are chasing every sense of the word. When the aliens leave to follow destiny, their earthling counterparts are forced to follow a destiny of their own with Hope being their only guidance. But what happens when the past and future, destiny and hope blend together and the future becomes past and the hope becomes destiny?
Category: Michael/Maria
Rating: R
Author's Note: There are two imaginations behind this fanfic. One in California, one in Florida. A chance meeting empowered us to work together, each using our individual talents of editing and writing, respectively, and ultimately taking the first steps in achieving our dreams. Please let us know what you think. (Your conscious will eat you alive until you do!) Please copy both of us at the following email address: &
"Yes, Ma,am. I am certain. Mr. Evans checked out this morning," the hotel desk clerk spoke into the telephone.

"When?" Liz asked heatedly.

"About an hour ago," the clerk answered.

"Well, do you know where he was going?" Liz asked frantically.

The clerk's patience grew dimmer with each question Liz threw at her. "I assume he was going home," the lady answered annoyed.

Liz sighed realizing she was asking the impossible of a clerk who was not responsible for keeping forwarding addresses for her guests. "Okay, thanks," Liz said quietly and pressed the end button on her phone.

She cradled the black cell phone with both hands and stared sadly at the keypad. She knew that if Max had just left, he wouldn't be even close to being back in Roswell, yet. She stood and stuffed the tiny phone into her jeans pocket. As she did, the letter fell out of her pocket.

The rush she'd been in came to an abrupt halt. Through her eyes, the folded paper fell as slow as a feather on its way to the bottom of the Grand Canyon. Still silence hung in the early morning air and she managed to hear the whispers of paper shifting as the letter leisurely floated downward. When the letter finally hit the concrete step at her feet, Liz slowly bent over and retrieved the two pages he'd poured his heart into the night before.

Liz sat back down on the front steps to again immerse herself in the calculated scribbles that streaked across the pages...the letter she'd found on her pillow just hours ago.

She stared at the page and began to mutely read.

"Dear Liz,

Fear is not an emotion I embrace. I suppose that fact is because I have never truly been faced with dealing with fear alone. Even in the most trying times and horrifying situations, I have had Michael and Isabel...and you. When Michael got sick, when the entire town of Roswell disappeared, when I spent time in the white room - regardless of how unsure I was of the outcome, I always knew that things would be okay...that things would somehow return to normal - or as normal as life for us can be. Those situations were merely obstacles to be overcome...a wall to climb so we could continue living routinely on the other side of that wall. But when I learned that all the truth I knew was false, I saw no way around the wall that had suddenly jumped out in front of me. There was no way to climb it and there was no other side where things were normal. Instead, my path unexpectedly took a sharp turn and pulled me further away from everything I knew. I couldn't see around the curve...I couldn't see what lay ahead. And I was afraid. I was so afraid of what I didn't know...which was everything at that point. I didn't what was real and was false...what was truth and what was lies. The fear of the unknown is something I would never wish on my worst enemy.

Even on Antar, where I faced the unknown every day, I had one familiarity...the image of your face etched into my mind's eye. That was enough for me. I knew that one day I would return home...where things made sense, where things were normal, where you were the grounding force that kept me sound. But we can never go back now, Liz. Things are forever different. The world I knew...where Maria was an old friend for whom I grieved...that world is eternally gone.

Don't doubt that I'm overjoyed with knowing Maria is alive, but also know that I am extremely hurt. I can't help but doubt everything now. I have been unable to sleep since I found out. My mind races with memories wondering how much was real and how much was an act. I recall words you said that meant so much to me at the time and I analyze every facial emotion, every bat of your eye lashes, every grin, every nod...I analyze these things trying to determine if you were lying to me or if I was lying to myself.

I suppose I understand why you did it. I probably would have done the same thing...but it just hurts, you know? It hurts to know that someone you care so strongly about could so easily lie...right to your face.

I want to forgive you. I want to move past this. I need to move past this. The thing is, I don't know how. I can't see a clear direction for me in this new world. I thought that after all we'd been through, you were the only person I could count on to be sincere. I trusted you with all of my heart. I would have been willing to bet my life on your word. And dealing with knowing I was wrong is unbelievably hard for me.

Do you understand what I'm trying to say? I can't be the one to fix it this time. I just can't.

God, I wish you were here. I really need to sit down and talk to you. I need to see the expressions on your face as I say these things. I always could read every thought through your eyes. But then...I guess that's not the case anymore.

I was naive to think you would be the same person you were so many years ago. In fact, if you are different...if you aren't as soft and authentic as you once were, then I am likely at fault. I left you. I selfishly left you to pursue my own fame as king of Antar. You had to harden were forced to learn to protect your emotions and sentiments after I betrayed you with words like "forever" and "always." For that, I am undyingly remorseful. I'll never be able to forgive myself.

Liz, I feel like we are slipping further and further apart. That terrifies me. I can hardly breathe when I consider a life without you. Even when try, I can't remember not knowing you; not holding you tightly in the grips of my heart. The thought of being so intolerably ordinary as life without you would be. For years, you have been the reason I get up each morning. I know we haven't been together since I returned from Antar, but just knowing that we can laugh together over lunch breaks, knowing that I can call you on the phone and hear your sweet voice, knowing that I can knock on your door and see your captivating smile when you swing it open...those are the things that motivate me. Those are the things that keep my eyes open. Those are the things that keep me hoping that we are simply climbing a wall...and we'll soon be past the challenge and can return to normal.

And normal for me? Well, normal for me You know how your mom's potato salad is...normal potato salad? Now, you can get potato salad other places (Don't laugh, Liz...If I know you at all, you're probably cracking up right now...but I promise that I have a point.). So, yes potato salad at the corner restaurant may be good, but it's not normal potato salad. The potato salad you buy at the deli may be okay, but it's not normal potato salad. Your mom's potato salad is normal potato salad. It's the one you've always known. It's the one you base the idea of potato salad on. No others measure up. Now, Liz, I don't want you to think I'm saying you're as simple as potato salad, but I want you to understand that no others compare. You are all I know. And how I feel about you is very simple. But if you know me at all, then you know I'm way too much of a hopeless romantic to put that into a letter.

But still, this message is simple. I miss you. I miss us.

Liz, please find your way home soon.


After reading the letter for the second time, Liz slowly folded the pages and held them in her right hand. She brought the folded note to her chest and held the pages against her beating heart. She closed her eyes and drifted back to an easier time in their lives. Images of her and Max laughing together on the balcony above the Crashdown filled her vision. Behind her closed lids, she saw Max

She wanted more than anything to go back to the way things once were. She prayed with all her might for the hands of time to spin in reverse. She opened her eyes and focused on one faint star just above the western horizon that had somehow escaped the moon's setting. She stared at the tiny miracle and made a silent wish.

When her wish was made, she sighed and looked eastward toward the rising sun. She knew simple wishing, even on the luckiest of stars, was not going to erase the current crisis. She needed to find Max. Michael and Maria needed him...and Hope. She looked at the folded letter, the letter Max had put his soul into and left for her to find. He'd vulnerably left his soul for her to find and do with as she pleased.

"Liz, did you get him?" Alex asked poking his out the front door of the townhome.

"I will," Liz answered.

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