FanFic - Max/Liz
"The Road Not Taken"
Part 6
by MJ1071
Disclaimer: I don't own them. If I did I sure as hell wouldn't be preparing tax returns and discussing the benefits of superannuation. Sorry, bad week. 'Cruel' is by Human Nature
Category: Max/Liz
Rating: PG-13
Authors Note: Judging from the number of 'what the .?' e-mails I got since pt 5, I think it's time for a quick re-cap. ;-) The story so far: - In the shadow timeline, Max and Liz stay together and they end up making love, before Liz and Tess (yippee!) are killed by an unknown shape shifter. The pod squad flees Roswell and have been running ever since. Max is devastated by the death of Liz, Michael is feeling guilty about . well everything really and all three of them are going to have to deal with the fact Michael thinks Maria and Alex are in trouble and need their help.. Meanwhile, in the reality timeline, Liz walked away from Max. She, Maria and Alex leave for the summer. Max doesn't get to talk to Liz because he thinks she's going out with someone else, but what he sees is Shadow Max & Liz! The machinations of Tess and Nasedo/Pierce end with the Pod squad being killed which maybe wasn't so clear I've realised reading back, but trust me they died. Liz, Alex and Maria return to Roswell to discover the pod squad and Tess have disappeared. Liz, who is now a microbiologist has recently felt Max after many years and is unsure what it all means. She calls Maria, who in turns calls Alex. Alex and Maria are in a band and they live in L.A. And Liz doesn't know her room-mate actually works for Nasedo/Pierce.. Umm ok so now between the 2 timelines we're left with only 1 Liz, Max, Michael, Isabel, Tess and a whole heap of questions, which I'll now endeavour to answer! Oh and special thanks to Ash for her wonderful feedback, it was very much appreciated. Marie ;-)
Shadows
~ The Present ~

You can say love's forever
And find it never stays
In you I've recovered
The one thing that must remain
I'm tired of a world undone
I've figured out you're my setting sun

Twilight was casting long shadows in the room when Isabel finally left him. Max lay on his bed staring at the ceiling, silent now, not thinking, not moving, unable even to blink. The flashes were gone. Instead, a raw jagged pain filled him. It hurt to breathe, the pain seemingly expanding with every breath he took. Max could hear Isabel and Michael talking, but the sounds came to him without understanding. Instead he focused on drawing each breathe in and letting it out. As if this would somehow stop him from drowning in the pain.

It didn't, but it was all he could do. Sometime later his body gave in and Max fell into a deep exhausted sleep.

*********************

I can hold back emotions
Get lost in a maze
But this urgency tells me
I just can't refrain
Dreams have come and passed me by
But now it's time to redefine

I've seen it come and go so many times
But this is critical, the truth - I can't hide
And I don't know why

Isabel was shaking as she left Max's room and went in search of Michael. It had taken her hours, but finally she'd managed to soothe Max into some sort of calm. On the outside anyway. Even though he'd stopped crying, Isabel could feel the pain radiating from him. Finding Michael sitting in the darkened kitchen, the emotions she'd been holding in, trying to be strong for Max, exploded within her and she lashed out at him.

"What did you say to Max?" Isabel's voice was harsh, but she couldn't stop the tremor in her voice as she said Max's name.

Michael was sitting with his back was to her, so Isabel couldn't see his face, but she saw him flinch at her words and that was enough to proclaim his guilt to her. Max hadn't been the same since Liz.since they left Roswell. Sometimes she could pretend he was the Max she'd grown up with. The Max who'd bossed, protected and loved her in two lifetimes, but she knew he wasn't. Michael knew that too. As he remained silent, anger slammed through Isabel, but before she could say anything further, Michael turned and looked at her.

"He's been reading her journal again, hasn't he?" There was a tone to his voice Isabel couldn't place, but his words only served to increase her fury.

"Michael, you know what? Maybe if we hadn't stopped him reading it in the first place, he'd be over this by now."

"She's gone Isabel!" Michael practically yelled at her. "How long should we have let him go on believing he had a connection with his dead girlfriend? Two years, Three? Every time he read her journal it was the same thing. He was in denial and you know it."

Isabel felt the anger leave her as suddenly as it came. It was replaced with an unutterable sadness.

"It's all he has left of her." She whispered. "Maybe we should.maybe we should just let him be. After all he's gone through."

"I know." Michael interrupted, his voice soothing now. Rising from the chair, he walked to her and put his hands on her shoulders, forcing her to look him in the eye.

"Iz whether you like it or not, we have a mission to fulfil, and to do that we need Max. He has to let go of Liz. We need for him to be focused."

Intensity burned in his eyes, but Isabel had to fight against the urge to laugh in Michael's face. Their mission! It was a joke. A huge cosmic joke, but she didn't laugh because Isabel knew if she did, pretty soon she'd be crying and if she started she didn't think she'd be able stop.

"Michael, We can't.I can't do this anymore. I'm tired. I'm tired of all the running, the endless, faceless towns, the dead end jobs. I don't care about the mission, I just.don't care anymore. I miss my parents, I miss my old life." The defeat was evident in her voice as she turned away from him. To herself she added "I miss Alex."

Michael was silent as Isabel's words continued to echo in his mind. He didn 't know whether they made it easier or harder for him to tell her about his vision. Either way, he knew he couldn't avoid it any longer.

*********************

Its cruel
The way I'm needing you
I guess I'll play the fool
It's my heart, not my mind and it's taking over
Cruel
Suddenly it's true
No longer can I choose
It's in you I'm defined and there is no other

The harsh landscape of his nightmare flowed away suddenly and Max was standing in a meadow, the sun warming his face. The chill that bound him prisoner, even in sleep, lessened its grip. A light breeze pushed his hair from his face and gently rustled through the long grass. Glancing around, Max saw nothing but fields shimmering in the sun. It looked so peaceful, but his body was tense, in expectation of he knew not what. And then he heard it.

It started as a whisper at the edge of his consciousness. Her voice, calling his name. The dull ache in his heart subsided and Max felt his body relax as gradually the sound seeped through the pain shrouding his mind, until he was hearing her clearly. 'Max!'

He turned towards the sound and though he was dreaming, Max felt the air rush from his chest in one harsh motion. Liz was standing next to him. His mind struggled to take in the sight before him, then he reached out for her, afraid she would simply fade away. The moment he touched her, he felt his legs give way and he sank to the ground. Wordlessly she followed him until they were kneeling facing one another. Reaching out he wrapped his arms around her waist. He could feel her hand trembling as she reached out and brushed the tears from his eyes.

The sun glinted on her hair and Max knew he needed to touch it. He caught the hint of jasmine that always made him think of spring as he glided her hair through his fingers. Slowly he slid his hands from her beautiful hair until they were cupping her face. Her eyes were just as he remembered them, deep pools he could lose his soul in. He blinked as he realised she was closing the gap between them and watched in delight as her eyes left his and came to rest on his lips.

He needed no further encouragement. Touching his lips to hers gently he sighed as he let her warmth spread through him, chasing away the last traces of chill from his body. She opened her mouth a little, encouraging him to deepen the kiss and soon he was kissing her with almost savage abandon. Max couldn't stop touching her.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, Max knew this wasn't real, but he was past caring. All he could focus on was how smooth her skin was as she continued to glide her small hand over his body. Her every touch was shooting sparks though him. Then suddenly he could * feel * Liz in his mind, her grief, her pain, her desires. Max wasn't sure how that could be. In confusion he pulled away from her and gazed intently into her eyes. Max could sense her bewilderment. He wanted to say something - anything - but he couldn't seem to make his voice work. Instead he just continued to stare into her beautiful, expressive eyes, while a myriad of thoughts and feelings churned inside him.

After what seemed like an eternity, she reached out and touched her fingers to his cheek. A single tear dropped silently down her face. Her voice was barely audible over the rustling breeze as she leaned up and murmured in his ear.

"I love you Max." It was all she said. And Max could do nothing but watch as she turned from him and faded away.

Max's eyes flew open as he struggled to catch his breathe. He looked around his room and tried to shake the feeling of disorientation. With perfect clarity, he recalled his dream. It had been so long since he'd heard her voice, touched her, loved her. It was just a dream but.it had been so real, * Liz * had felt so real

"Liz." He whispered in the darkness, his voice ragged with emotion.

Again tears filled Max's eyes, but this time the cold didn't claim him. Instead as his body finally relaxed back into sleep, he was comforted in a way he couldn't begin to understand. His last conscious thought was how grateful he was that he could still find her, even if it was only in his dreams.

Reality
~ The Present ~
Its cruel
The way I'm needing you
I guess I'll play the fool
It's my heart, not my mind and it's taking over
Cruel
Suddenly it's true
No longer can I choose
It's in you I'm defined and there is no other

The meeting was going on all around her and Liz knew she should be paying attention, but found she was singularly incapable of making the effort. There was just too much going on in her head.

Fragments of her conversation with Alex earlier this morning flickered across her mind and Liz found herself smiling. No matter what, Alex could always make her feel better. There was something so reassuring, so . normal about him. He and Maria had decided they needed to be with her and so were flying in tomorrow. Alex didn't say it, but Liz knew Maria was flipping out over the whole situation. It was probably a good thing she didn't have a chance to tell Alex about her 'experiment' results before she had to rush to work.

Not that Liz was sure she could claim success. She'd tried for about an hour to sense Max, but finally gave up, having sensed nothing but the beginnings of a migraine. But then, after she'd finally fallen asleep, she 'd had the most amazing dream.

Liz couldn't get over how perfectly she remembered it. She'd been standing in a golden sun-lit field still calling out to Max with her mind, when suddenly he was there. She'd never forget the expression in his eyes as he looked at her. It was as though she could see right into his heart. Liz didn't understand the myriad of emotions that had flittered across his face and was starting to panic when he reached out and touched her. His love had enveloped her, she'd felt him grow warm in their embrace. They'd kissed. Oh my God, what a kiss! She'd * felt * Max's every touch, every caress, she even thought she'd sensed Max's thoughts.

Was it real? Liz wasn't sure. How was it even possible for her to connect with Max in the way she had in her dream? The scientist in her suggested she'd seen and felt what she had, because she so desperately wanted to believe Max was alive and still cared about her. That could be true, but Liz knew, without a doubt, she could never have imagined the absolute despair she'd seen in Max's eyes. Then there were the flashes. Although Liz had fantasised about it, in reality she and Max had never made love. Just thinking about the flashes she'd gotten from Max made her melt inside. So if they hadn't actually done it, why was it.

"Elizabeth do you have anything to add?" Dr Hampson's question rudely interrupted Liz's reflections. Twenty sets of eyes stared at her. Liz felt the beginnings of a blush dust her cheeks. It was really no wonder she had no life, Liz thought ruefully, not when she'd been completely undone by one dream. Liz mumbled something about a late night and breathed a sigh of relief when Dr Hampson didn't force the issue. With a renewed effort at self control, Liz managed to keep herself focused on the rest of the meeting - for the most part.

From the calm of her lab station, Liz was able to continue her musings. She needed to figure out what was going on, and with Alex and Maria arriving in the morning, she needed to do it fast. She found herself thinking about her conversation with Maria the previous night. Maria had warned her she was about to be sucked back into the alien abyss. For some reason the quote "when you look into an abyss, the abyss also looks into you" kept bouncing around in her thoughts. Liz had never really been into Nietzsche, but found herself whimsically wondering what the abyss saw when it looked into her because she knew it was already too late to heed Maria's warning, even if she had been so inclined.

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