FanFic - Max/Liz
"It Was Supposed to Be You"
Part 4
by Faile
Disclaimer: Roswell and the characters, and situations are owned by the WB and Melinda Metz. No infringement intended.
Summary: This story is based upon the idea that Max knew Liz in his previous life.
Category: Max/Liz
Rating: PG
Authors Note: For those of you who read this on message boards as I was writing it. I have changed the names of the podsters in their past lives to match the names we learned during Meet the Dupes. I've also changed past life events to match up better with what we know.
When Zan arrived at his suite, Avadia was sitting at a table next to the window having breakfast. As soon as Zan walked into the room, Avadia rose and went to him. "Zan, you look exhausted," Avadia said guiding Zan to a chair near the lit fireplace. "Sit here and I will bring you some tea."

Zan did as Avadia instructed and watched Avadia as she went to her breakfast tray and poured him a cup of tea. Zan hated himself for it, but all he could think of was that Arya should be here and not Avadia. Arya was his only true love and it wasn't fair to Arya or him for her to have sacrificed so much. She gave up her life so he could fulfill his duty to his family and his people. He didn't even want to do those things, all he wanted was to be with her. Now Zan was terrified her sacrifice may have been in vain. Unless there was a miracle, his people would die or be enslaved by Khivar and his people and there was nothing Zan could do about it.

Avadia walked over to Zan and handed him the cup of tea. She kneeled down in front of him and smiled. "You need sleep my husband. What has happened that has kept you up so late?" Avadia asked and then looked hesitant. "I'm not overstepping my bounds as your wife by asking such a question, am I?"

Zan nodded no with a slight smile on his face. He had grown to appreciate Avadia's innocence. He felt extremely guilty for wooing her the way he did. He played the affectionate lover very well, but he married Avadia for political reasons, nothing more. Her family was one of the most respected families on Andorra and his father had arranged the marriage when Avadia was born. Of course, arranged marriages were not always followed through with on Andorra, but after Arya died, Zan saw no other love in his future, so he told his father on his death bed that he would marry Avadia when she came of age.

"Avadia, I'm afraid that our ememies have expanded their attacks and the situation does not look good," Zan said slowly not wanting to scare Avadia but knowing that he couldn't hide the truth from her for long.

"What has happened, Zan? Tell me please. I know I'm young and very inexperienced, but we are married now and I want to truly be a part of your life," Avadia said earnestly.

"By now, they have control of the Paseis Moon, and with the outpost on the Paseis Moon gone, it is only a matter of time before they take over all of Andorra," Zan explained and watched as fear crossed Avadia's face.

"No," she whispered. She started to stand up, but she stumbled and Zan caught her. He stood up and helped her sit down where he was sitting.

"I'm sorry Avadia," Zan kneeling next to her and taking one of her hands in his own. "Things are insane right now and I don't think they are going to get better any time soon. Our only chance to survive this war may be the information Ar.." Zan stopped. He couldn't mention Arya's name to Avadia. It wasn't fair to her. She knew nothing of his relationship with Arya and it wasn't fair for him to take away what little happiness she had. "The only hope we have is some information one of our spies has brought to us. We hope to use that to devise some sort of counter attack," Zan said carefully, then looked Avadia in the eye and continued with a hint of desperation in his voice. "I'm sorry I failed you Avadia. I've failed you and all my people."

Avadia gripped Zan's hand. "No, don't say that. You haven't failed us."

"I'm afraid I have. I just wish…" Zan didn't finish. Avadia leaned down and gently kissed Zan on his lips. Zan tried to stop his body from tensing up. This was his wife. He was supposed to be with her, the way a man is with a woman, the way he was with Arya, that one night over 7 years ago.

Avadia stood up still holding Zan's hand and led him to the bed. Zan knew what his duty was, he knew he should consummate his relationship with Avadia, but all he could think about was Arya. She was his one true love. Was it right for him to be with Avadia when all he could think of was Arya?

Zan followed Avadia to the bed, unsure what he should do. He allowed Avadia to remove his shirt and then slowly laid down on the bed and pulled Avadia down beside him. He could tell she was scared, but she didn't hesitate. She laid down beside him and kissed him again, only this time more passionately. They had never kissed like this before. Their courtship had been under the watchful eyes of Avadia's chaperones. She then began kissing Zan's chest and her hands moved down to unbutton Zan's pants. As soon as Avadia touched Zan's pants, he knew he couldn't do this. He couldn't be with Avadia in this way, not when only a few hours earlier he was professing his undying love to Arya as she laid dying. If Arya had not come back when she did, he would have fulfilled his commitment as husband, but now he couldn't. When Avadia touched him, he imagined it was Arya. When he closed his eyes, he saw Arya. He couldn't do this to Avadia or Arya.

Zan reached for Avadia's hands and stopped her from undoing any more buttons. She looked up at him, surprised and scared at the same time. Zan didn't want to hurt her, but he couldn't be with her, not in the way she wanted. Zan smiled and told Avadia softly, "I'm sorry, but I am exhausted. Vilandra will be here in an hour, because we have a lot of planning to do. I really need rest, and…"

Zan watched as Avadia's face fell. She was hurt and he knew it. He didn't want to hurt her, but inevitably it had to happen. Zan knew he should be with her. He should try to make her happy, but he just couldn't do it. Avadia tried to get up, but Zan stopped her. "Will you lay next to me as I sleep?" he asked, hoping that this would somehow appease his rejection of her. Avadia nodded and laid down next to him with her back up against his chest. Zan wrapped his arms around her and brought her body close to his.

As he held her, he tried to remember that it was Avadia that he was holding, but his mind kept going back to that one glorious night he spent with Arya. He had held her like this after they had made love. He held her and they talked about life and the future they both wanted. Zan closed her eyes and saw her beautiful face. That had been such a magical night, but every moment he spent with Arya had been magical.

After awhile, Zan fell asleep with Avadia in his arms.

Zan's sleep was interrupted by a thundering sound over the palace which made the whole palace shake. Both Zan and Avadia sat up on the bed. Zan could tell Avadia was terrified and he didn't blame her. He knew what that sound was. Zan stood up and grasped Avadia's hand. He needed to call for an evacuation and make sure that the scientists who were working with the information Arya supplied got to the catacombs as soon as possible. Their only hope was that the plan the scientists had started to devise could still be implemented.

Rath burst into Zan's suite. "Zan, the attack…" Rath didn't finish. Zan could tell he was terrified.

Zan nodded. "I will call for the evacuation. You take Avadia, Vilandra, and my mother to safety. And most importantly, make sure that the scientists get out with all the information Arya brought to us." Zan realized he spoke Arya's name and looked to Avadia to see if she reacted to it, but she didn't. She was so terrified, he doubted she heard a word that he was saying.

Rath protested, but Zan wouldn't hear it. He told Rath that he had to ensure the palace was vacated.

Before leaving with Rath, Avadia turned to Zan and kissed him whispering, "Take care my love and come back to me safe."

Zan watched as Avadia left with Rath. He then turned and walked over to the bookshelf. He pulled one of the books on the shelf halfway down and the bookshelf opened to reveal a room. Zan walked into the room. He knew what he had to do. He had to tell his people that he had lost the war, that it was over and he had failed. He quickly called for the evacuation of the palace and was about to make a worldwide broadcast when there was a sudden crash from his suite. The whole room exploded with fire and Zan was knocked back against the wall, falling unconscious on the floor.

-- He stumbled down the corridor barely aware of his surroundings. The palace was on fire, and the smoke was beginning to suffocate him. He had to find her. He knew she was dead, but he would be dead soon too and he needed to say his final good-byes. He looked around hoping to see someone who could help him, but there was no one. He had ordered an evacuation as soon as the attacked started and they had all left as he ordered. He fell down and looked up to see if he was near the chapel. He looked down at his wound and he could see and feel the strength draining from him. Did his mother and sister get out? Oh God he hoped so. The attack was so sudden, so unexpected. Before the attack, he had worked with the scientists’ to devise a plan to use the information Arya had gotten from Khivar. His people’s only hope was for that plan to take form. But if that plan ever did take form, he wouldn’t be around to find out. He was dying and all he could think about was his beloved. He had to get to his beloved.

He tried to get up, but couldn’t. His strength was gone and so was his love. Suddenly he felt someone nearby. He felt himself being picked up and carried. He tried to protest, tried to get them to take him to his beloved, but he was too weak. He couldn’t protest, he couldn’t move. He was dying and helpless. All of a sudden there was an explosion. He felt himself falling… --

Max woke up and jumped out of bed. He was sweating and breathing heavily. These nightmares were becoming too real. He literally felt himself dying in the dream. He got out of bed and walked over to the restroom and turned on the light. He stood in front of the sink and splashed water on his face. He looked at himself in the mirror. He barely recognized his own reflection his face looked so pale. Max turned and headed back to bed. It looked like it was going to be another sleepless night.

Max had several of those since he saw Liz in bed with Kyle. It was painful to think about, that she would choose to be with Kyle in such away. She said that she wanted a normal life and he knew he may never be able to give that to her, but to be with Kyle. She didn’t love Kyle, did she?

Max got up from bed and laid down on the ground and did some push-ups. He needed to quit thinking so much about Liz, like he could ever do that, but he had to try. Max continued to do push-ups until his arms stopped working, then he collapsed on the ground. After a minute he stood up and walked over to his bed. He looked at the clock which read 3am and decided he needed to get out of here. He had to try using the techniques Tess had taught him again.

He knew that the memory recovery techniques that Tess had taught him were the reason he had been having nightmares lately. He was remembering his previous life, the war, his own death, but he had to continue with them. It was the only thing that kept his mind off Liz. He thought if somehow he could remember his love for Tess, maybe he could love her instead of Liz. He didn’t see how this was possible, but he had to try. He had to let Liz go. She didn’t love him the way he thought she did, because if she did, she would never have slept with Kyle.

Max picked up the keys to the jeep and climbed out the window. The best place for him to focus on the memory recovery techniques was the pod chamber, in the Granolith. He found that the Granolith allowed him to focus better.

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