FanFic - Max/Liz
"My Hand"
Part 1
by Nicole
Disclaimer: I may own tons of pictures of Jason Behr, but I do not own the characters of "Roswell"-especially not any of the Valenti offspring. THANKS TO: The song "Take My Hand", lyrics property of Dido from her album "No Angel".
Summary: In order to better understand Liz, Max steps (unknown to Liz) into her dreams...
Category: Max/Liz
Rating: PG-13
He carefully climbed through the open window, paying close attention to the ground below him. If he made noise, she would wake up, and if she woke up, he would have to explain. He couldn't explain this, so going unheard was his only option. Somehow Michael had gotten him to the point where he no longer thought breaking an entry was a "bad" thing, just a way of finding out crucial information, and in the middle of this particular night, Max had found himself drawn to Liz's window. And once he was at her window, there was nothing else for him to do but to climb up and see her.

He stepped cautiously over her Geometry book, and in the dim glare of the moonlight noticed frustrated eraser marks on the paper. The chapter review questions had been giving her too much trouble. He pitied humans...they had to *learn* things, *memorize* would never come easy to them. He ran his hand quickly over the paper and the answers appeared. He would think of how to explain that to Liz later, knowing that she would know that only Max would Things were easy to him, they always had been. He could figure out any problem in math, read any book in mere seconds. He could do almost anything, but one thing he didn't know if he could do, the one thing he was attempting to do now, was to make a connection with a human without actually having them being would take a miracle.

Continuing his path across her room, his bare feet stepped on her small sweater, and recognized the feel of the material...she had worn that sweater yesterday, and when he had "accidentally" brushed his hand against her, he couldn't get the soft feel of the fabric of out of his mind all day. His unnaturally heightened senses also had allowed the scent of Liz's perfume to linger on his hand the rest of that day...he inhaled and took in the scent of her room and was was Ivory soap and baby shampoo and Liz, just Liz.

"Get yourself together Max..." he reprimanded himself. If he got caught up in anything other than what he was there for, he would lose himself completely. All of his fantasies had taken place in this room half of the time (the other half in his room), and allowing himself to go that place, which he knew he couldn't come down from, would just keep him from the whole purpose of coming here.

He safely made his way to her bedside, and as quietly as he could, knelt down beside her. She was lying on her back, and her face was turned to him. Her eyes were closed, and her hair was tousled around her face. Her small cheeks were flushed from the last heat wave of the year. Small, feathery breaths were coming from mouth, warming Max's face. He gently put his pointer finger on her small parted lips, and traced them slowly. He was so close to her, so able to kiss her open mouth. He could so easily lean in and just innocently suck her delicate lips, and move them within his own. But his self-restraint kept him under control; it would have to for now.

He studied her face, and looked at her in amazement. There wasn't a word for the beauty she had. And he had thought of a thousand ways to try and tell her how he really felt, but so many things were keeping him from doing that though. The pressure from Michael and Isabel to keep to themselves, to not let anyone else in. Max knew that by being with Liz, he would be endangering Isabel's, Michael's, and his own life more than he already had, but so many times, when they were alone, and Liz would look at him with her gentle eyes, and slowly bring her body closer to his, he felt ready to give up every ounce of their safety to know what it was like to kiss her. He'd imagined this scenario so many times, that it became a compulsive thought. He would lean in slightly and cradle her face with his hand. He would look into her eyes and let every emotion he had pour from him, so Liz knew how much she meant. And then he would bring her body closer to his and kiss her, softly at first, and then deeper until he thought his senses would explode. And when they would break apart, he would smile at her, and say this line he and Michael had made up: "I didn't even need Tabasco sauce for that..." Corny, he knew it was corny, but it was his fantasy, and from what he'd imagined, the sugary taste of Liz's lips would definitely be enough without the Tabasco.

He wanted to smile about it all, but he knew how things had to be. He didn't question, he just lived his life the way it had been, but from the day he told Liz how he'd felt and what he really was, he knew there was no going back to a normal life. He now questioned everything, mostly why he couldn't be with anyone, why he couldn't be with Liz. Getting too close to a human...his instincts had told him long ago that it wasn't safe, and from the recent past events, the ramifications of even being *around* Liz and her friends had put Isabel, Michael, and everyone else involved in too much danger. If he couldn't be with her, he at least had to know how she felt. The only way he could truly understand that would be to connect with her. But being that Liz more than likely wouldn't comply with that, he had to do it when she didn't know. He had to find a way to connect to her. He had to be able to look into her eyes, and have her know that he was looking at her...this would never work if she didn't even know he was there.

He massaged her lips with his finger gently one more time, and began to pull it away. Liz stirred, and before his heart could jump out of his throat, her small mouth began nursing on the tip of his finger, and as her small lips gently worked on his finger, Max felt himself losing any sense of discretion as he heard a small groan escape his mouth; he felt himself lose any sense of gravity as well...Liz's lips took him off of the ground and he felt like he was floating. Her lips, even if they were only on his finger, felt like something from a dream... "A dream...god, why didn't I think of that sooner?" he mind screamed in the silence of the room. He knew Dream Walking was a cheap and unfair way of finding out what someone thought and was feeling, but he had an undeniable need to hear how Liz felt about him. He needed to know if Liz's fascination with him was because he was so abnormal and a different life form, or if Liz saw in him what he saw in her. Because maybe, just maybe if Liz felt strong enough, Max could risk it, and be with her...he would do anything for her, and if she needed him half as much as he needed her, he would take that risk.

Max centered his thoughts and concentrated on Liz, on everything about her. He ran his hand softly over her hair, and brushed it out of her eyes. "God, Liz...if you knew what I was doing...I'm sorry, but...I have to..." She turned on her side, and she exhaled a soft "Max..." He felt guilty as hell for doing this, but he had to know. He closed his eyes, and prepared himself to enter her mind, something he didn't think he would ever be ready to handle...

*Touch my skin and tell me what you're thinking Take my hand and show me where we're going Lie down next to me, look into my eyes And tell me, oh tell me what you're seeing*

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