FanFic - Max/Liz
"Finding My Way Back From Sanity"
"Letting Go"
Part 2
by Camilla
Disclaimer: I do not own any part of Roswell. I have borrowed the characters from this excellent program and the books.
Summary: This is a Max/Liz Dreamer story with a shocking ending. Larek comes to give the Pod Squad history lessons in an effort to help them understand what part they each played in the downfall. He wants to help them understand what they need to do to correct this, but even he doesn't know everything. In between his visits, the aliens and the humans interact in ways that bring them closer. Everything that has happened from the Pilot through a Roswell Christmas Carol has still happened. I tried to answer those nagging little questions in a way I would want to see them.
Category: Max/Liz
Rating: PG-13
Authors Note: Might be a little spoilerish. I hope you like it. I would love feedback.
The eight of them were all exhausted after Larek's visit. They each needed to process this information in their own way before discussing it as a group. They decided to meet the next night at the Crashdown after closing to discuss what Larek had said. They each had their own feelings about what they had heard.

Kyle and Tess went home. They had agreed to fill in the Sheriff on their latest findings. Kyle wondered when it was that he stopped being shocked at all of this alien crap. When did it stop feeling alien and begin to make sense? He couldn't quite figure it out, but he no longer thought of them as so alien, just a little different, but then aren't we all, he thought.

Tess knew she was Max's bride, but wondered if he ever really loved her. She could remember those feelings, but she was beginning to doubt her memories. Was this something that Nasedo had made her believe? She wondered when Max's acceptance of their destiny was no longer really that important to her. Maybe he was right, that love was more important. She just knew that she no longer felt the need to be with him in the same way she did when they first met here in Roswell. How could that be, if they were married they should have felt a strong connection. She knew that she liked living here in Roswell with the Valenti men. She began to see Jim as a real father figure. He was genuinely kind to her and accepted her alien status. She even liked Maria's mother. She made her laugh. And then there was Kyle. He acted like he didn't like her at first, but now he acted more protective of her. She knew she could take care of herself better than he could, but she liked how he treated her and it made her want to take care of him.


Maria and Liz went back to Liz's for a much-needed ice cream run. Maria talked at length about how different Rath was from Michael.

Maria - "Everyone liked him immediately??". "Who likes Michael right away?"

Liz - "You did, as I recall."

Maria - " No, No I said he creeped me out."

Liz -" Admit it, you liked him from the start."

Maria - (As she slid another spoonful of ice cream into her mouth) "Well maybe a little, but what about the arranged marriages? Don't you think that this changes the whole destiny thing? Zan, never wanted an arranged marriage and neither does Max. I think you should definitely tell him about Future Max and the whole thing about Tess. She seems to be pretty happy here now, maybe she just needed to feel accepted by Max, not "loved" by him."

Liz - "Are you willing to take that chance with Michael and Isabel's lives."

Maria - "No….. but I know that Max is miserable without you. Maybe that will end up being worse."

Liz - "Maria, I love him more than I can even begin to describe, but I just can't take that chance."

Maria - "I know, it just seems so unfair


Isabel and Max drove Michael home. They all sat in the jeep for a while, not really wanting to be separated. Oddly enough Michael was the first to speak.

Michael - "You know I have been searching for something for 10 years, never recognizing that everything I was looking for was right here all the time. Thanks for not giving up on me."

Isabel - "How could we ever give up on you. You never gave up on us."

Max - "I know that we haven't agreed on much lately, but I know that you saved my life on more than one occasion and I would do the same for you without hesitation. I know my life wouldn't be the same without you in it and I hope that I never have to experience it without you."

Michael - " You won't." (Then with that all familiar smirk) "But be careful what you wish for, Maxwell."

Michael hopped out of the jeep and began walking toward his apartment. He then stopped and turned around and headed back toward the jeep, " What the hell, I'm sleeping at your house tonight."

This got a big smile out of both Isabel and Max. Max turned on the jeep and they all drove home together, the way it was always supposed to be.


The next evening they all met at the Crashdown to discuss Larek's revelations. They speculated what they could have discovered on that planet. But they mostly just discussed what they were like when they were younger. They discussed the differences and the similarities between their current and past lives.

Isabel insisted that she was nothing like her former self. She certainly was not some little romantic dreamer. And she definitely wasn't spoiled. Alex laughed so hard his sprite came out his nose

Maria teased Michael and said how much she wished that she had met Rath first. She said that he seemed to be a much nicer spaceboy and definitely more interesting. Michael teased her back, stating he wished he had had a camera when her mother came in all possessed. For that she tried to punch him in the arm, but he deflected the blow by grabbing both her arms and holding her in an embrace until she gave up.

Kyle brought up the fact that "Evans had a sense of humor in his former life. Who knew?" But then again he vaguely remembered how Max had acted the night they got drunk together. Kyle thought how difficult it must have been for them to keep this great secret their whole lives. Kyle mentioned, "I never realized how hard it must have been for you guys growing up, keeping this big secret. Max told me the night we were drunk that he had been keeping secrets his whole life, but he was ready for the real Max to come out"

Max - "and you said, 'the real Max wouldn't happen to be gay would he?'" At this the group began laughing. Kyle - "Well how was I supposed to know what the real secret was."

At this, Liz began to tell a few details (nothing too intimate though) of the night Max was drunk. She revealed that she was trying to tell Kyle that Max made up stories when he was drunk and not to believe anything he said. "I turned around to say, 'right Max?', expecting the sensible Max to answer, and what did I get, but Max stating very seriously, that this was the first time he had ever been drunk. He even used his powers in public. Then leaning forward with a mock intensity, she said, "What ever you guys do, don't -- ever -- drink." At this the entire group broke into hysterics.

Then it dawned on Liz. "Wait a minute?! I thought that you didn't remember anything from that night."

Isabel - (Turning to look at her brother) "Yeah, you told me the same thing."

Max became increasingly nervous. "Well, well- uh- I never told anyone, but later, much later, I remembered the entire evening."

With this Liz got up and walked to the back room.

Tess - "Nice going Max. If someone did that to me I would be really hurt"

Everyone looked at her with a questioning look.

Tess - "What - I can't have a human side too?"

Max followed Liz to the back room.

Everyone tried to figure out, when was it that Tess had become so human. Oddly enough, it must have been when she moved in with the Valenti men.

Max - " Liz, wait. I'm sorry. I really didn't remember for a long time. It didn't come back to me until last summer."

Liz - "It's ok Max. I was just a little shocked that you remembered. It was a really special night for me. It threw me for a minute, but I'm fine now, really."

Max- (almost a whisper) "It was a special night for me too."

Liz turned to look at Max. They stood there for a what seemed like an eternity, both looking down afraid to meet each other's gaze, both remembering, a night, not that long ago, when they stood in this very spot discussing the night Max got drunk. Max looked down at her and watched as a single tear rolled down her cheek. He reached down and cupped her face with his hand and brushed the tear away. He could feel the turmoil within her at that moment. The intensity of touching her surprised him. He slowly leaned closer, he realized at that moment just how much he still wanted her. He knew they could only be friends now, but still… without thinking, he brought his other hand up to her chin and turned her face upward to meet his gaze. Next he did what he had wanted to do for the past three months, for his entire life for that matter. He kissed her gently, yet passionately. He expected her to pull away, but she didn't. She just stood there frozen in time, kissing him back with the same quiet intensity that he was kissing her.

He was not prepared for what happened next. He got a flash of Liz crying on her balcony, talking to someone. Another. She was sitting on the floor of her bathroom crying, trying to muffle the sounds into a towel. He saw her crying in the street in Copper Summit as she watched him walk away. He saw her telling Ava that she loved him as much as Ava had loved Zan and then he saw a shooting star. It always tore at his soul to see her cry, but worse yet, he could feel how hurt she was. The pain was so intense he felt it physically. He felt total despair, and strange as it seemed, he felt her love, for him. He broke the kiss and just looked into her eyes.

Max - "Liz?"

Liz looked at him with a look of utter terror. " Wh - what did you see?"

Max - "I saw you crying. I felt how hurt you were. I felt … love… for me. If you love me.. if our being apart is causing you such pain…. then why?"

Liz - "I can't do this. We can't do this. We just cannot be together, trust me please" and with that she turned and ran up the stairs.

Max stared after her for a moment and then turned to go back out to the dining room. He watched his friends through the window. They were dancing and laughing. They were happy. This is not right, his mind screamed at him. I love her and she loves me. There is nothing that can change that. Nothing has so far. The only thing keeping us apart is her damn stubborn streak. He turned and walked up the stairs after her. He was going to convince her this time.

He found her in her room, lying on the bed, crying. His mind went blank. He only felt on some primal level the pain that he was causing her.

Max - (almost a whisper) " Liz?"

Liz never looked up. She just said, "Max just leave."

Max - (briefly considering her request) "No."

Liz - "Max I want you to leave. Please go"

Max- "No"

Max walked over to her bed and sat down on the edge. Liz sat up and just asked if he enjoyed making her miserable. He just said, "No" again.

Liz - "Why are you doing this?"

Max - "Because I love you and I know you still love me. Then he said something that he didn't realize he was capable of, something he never thought he could say, but something he felt at this moment with all his heart.

"I don't care what happened with Kyle. I don't care that you aren't some perfect person. I love you regardless of what you've done in the past or what you might do in the future. I also know that I am a better person when we are together and there is no reason that we should not be together. And there is nothing, not.. one.. single thing that you could say that will ever convince me otherwise. Trust me on this. I can be just as stubborn as you."

Liz - "I know."

Max just stared into her eyes with such a pleading, yet resigned look that Liz had no choice but to concede. She had no fight left. She just sighed and wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. Her breath was warm and he felt that he could have died right then with no regrets. This kiss held no sadness, no doubt, just love in its purest form and he thought that his heart would burst from the joy of being here at this moment with Liz Parker. Liz quickly pulled out of the kiss and said, "Just promise me you will be nice to Tess." Max just looked confused, but agreed, before pulling her into another embrace. As he closed his mouth over hers, he felt her lips part. The violence of the passion he felt for her at this moment was overwhelming. All the pain and suffering they had both experienced over the past few months just melted away. Max ran his hands down her back from her neck to her waist. She arched against him and through their connection he could feel her desire for him. This was almost his undoing. He didn't even remember lying down on the bed, but here he was lying almost on top of her. She had moved her hands under his shirt. As they broke their kiss and came up for air, he leaned his forehead to hers. His body and mind were waging a war within him at this moment. His decision was made for him, as Maria came bounding into the room.

Maria - "Oh my god, I'm so sorry. Really, I am sooo sorry. I didn't think you would... I just came to see if you wanted to go get… .. No, of course you don't . Did I mention that I am really sorry? Oh, my god. Please just shoot me.. ha ha ha ha ..then Max would have to save me."

Liz - "Maria! You're babbling."

Maria - "I'll just close the door on my way out. I'll just tell everyone that you weren't here… yeah, you went for a walk. Maria almost had the door completely closed, but immediately opened it again, " By the way- It's - About - Time! I am so happy. Ok Ok bye." This time she closed the door.

Max and Liz just looked at each other and broke into laughter.

Moving a loose strand of hair from her face, Max said, "Have I ever told you how much I love you?"

Liz - "No, not in the past few minutes"

Max -"Well I do, but .. I really think that we should go for that walk now."

Liz - "Why?"

Max - "Because I can't just lie in your bed and kiss you. I can't. When I kiss you my whole world changes and it spins totally out of control. And I don't think you're ready for that."

Liz - "There was a time I would have agreed with you, but I'm not sure any more."

Max - "Well then until you are sure, I think we should go for that walk."

Liz - "Ok"

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