|"Even If It's A Lie Say It Will Be All Right"|
by Suzanne LeBlanc
Disclaimer: As many times as I have wished that I owned the characters in Roswell, I don't. I just like to imagine that I own Max Evans….. but again I don't.|
Summary: Max sits in the Crash Down like normal keeping an eye on Liz. It brings a fitting end, to the feelings that were caused by The End of The World.. The story is entirely from his point of view, and could take place with in any of the new episodes.
Authors Note: This is one of my first fan fic's, and well feed back would be greatly appreciated. Goes with their (Max/Liz) song "I Shall Believe." This could be the last episode, if it comes to that. Hopefully it will at least end like this…..
|I watch you walk slowly to the next table, absently pushing your fingers through your hair. I watch you carefully, I don't want to miss one look that you cast in my direction. I savor it all. |
You pass by my table, where I sit by myself. I look at my watch, the one you helped me pick out. It's 9:23. The Crash Down closes in seven minutes. Are you going to send me home?
I rest my head in my hands, I'm so tired Liz. So tired.
'Max…' I imagine you are talking to me Liz. I ignore it.
'Max…' I feel pressure on my shoulder. Are you touching me? I peel my face out of my hands, you're smiling at me.
I watch you lower yourself gracefully into the bench in front of me. You take your antenna off carefully, and lay it on the table, I don't hear it touch. I just look at you. You smile at me. Is there something wrong with your smile Liz? There is…. I just can't place it.
I don't say anything, I'm…. I'm just happy that you are sitting here with me.
'Max, it's time to close.' You just look at me.
I miss you. You know that you are the last thing I think about at night, and the first thing I think of when I wake up.
'A penny for your thoughts.' You smile again. And still I can't place what's different with your smile.
A million answers run through my mind. 'You wouldn't care.'
You shoot me a look of doubt. 'Now look Max, that's what you have friends for. To listen to your problems. Now spill.' Still you smile, and still I swear that there is something different with that smile.
Do you really want me to tell you what I am thinking about? Isn't it obvious?
I tell you what I want to tell you every night in my dreams. I tell you how much it hurt to see you in bed with Kyle, and how much more it hurts me to know that you are lying to me. And the fact that I don't know why. Then I tell you no matter what, that I will always love you. I will never give up, I will never not love you. And you tell me, truth or lie, I don't care anymore, that you love me. That you never slept with Kyle, and that it will all be alright. And I believe you. See there is no reason for me not to believe you because I love you. I love you.
'I just got in a fight with Isabel is all.' You know that I'm lying, like I know you are. But for some reason we don't tell the truth to one another.
What happened to us Liz? There was a time when we couldn't be kept apart for more than an hour with out going mad. There was a time when my touch sent feelings to the deepest parts of your being, and you to me. But look at us, like two strangers. We loved a great love once, and we will again Liz Parker this I know for sure.
'Max…..' you wait a long while before talking again… 'Are you ok?'
Of course I'm not. How can you be? Do you know how much I want to reach across the table, and pull you into my arms. How much I want all of this to be a horrible dream? How much I still love you?
'Yeah I guess. Just a long day is all..' but it's felt like an eternity with out you.
'Do you guess, or do you know Max?' you ask.
You do something that steals my breath, you take my hand in yours. I watch your delicate fingers wrap up I'm mine. Your skin is so warm. I know you felt that. Why did I just feel so much pain Liz? Why did I see you crying? Why do you cry like that Liz? There is no reason for you to cry anymore, you're free. You don't have to worry about being in danger any longer. But know this, I will always be in this very booth keeping my eye on you Liz Parker. You will never be in danger as long as I take in the air that keeps me alive for you.
Look at me, your eyes are closed. Look at me please.
You look at me, I see something that I have seen in your eyes for the longest time. I see pain. Why do I see pain?
What did you just see Liz? Did you see what I have gone through? How I try not to cry myself to sleep every night? Do you see me like I see you?
You begin to stroke my fingers. You press our hands to your forehead. I close my eyes and try to keep the way I feel right now, I want to remember it all because when I wake from this dream I fear I will forget.
I wonder what people would think if they saw the two of us sitting here like this. Saying nothing, just looking at one another. But Liz we don't have to say anything. We never did. Would they know what we shared? What we still share? Will they know that with just a touch I can see into your soul, and you into mine?
Why did you let go of my hand? I open my eyes. Why are your eyes glassy Liz? My ears strain to hear a familiar song. Is it…. wait.. I know, 'I Shall Believe.' You know this could be our song Liz, it is a beautiful song.
Why is this song doing this to you? Or is it me?
I get up to leave. I imagine that you watch me wondering what to say next. Asking yourself if you should call out my name, if you should end this untruth that has taken over our lives. I make it to the door before you say anything.
I turn to look at you. Right now you are more beautiful than I have ever seen you before. You are the woman I love, the woman I will always love. My fingers wrap around the door handle, I don't let go of your look.
'Max… don't go.' your silently plead with me.
'Why?' I ask you in a whisper cry. I know there is no reason for me to stay here. There is nothing here for me except pain, and I don't want that Liz. I want you.
I obey. I gently close the door behind myself and walk back to your side. Do you know what I wouldn't do for you? Nothing. I would do anything you ask me to.
I would die for you. And I know that you would for me. You don't have to say it because I know, you don't need to tell me.
You raise to your feet, only inches away. I feel the warmth from your body. Again you take my hand. But this time you move somewhere. I lay my jacket down on the table and follow you. I would follow you any where.
I watch you walk, I watch your face. What are you thinking right now? I follow you up the stairs to your room. Why are we here?
You leave me standing in your doorway, I watch you walk into the bathroom, and close the door slowly. I smile, there are still pictures of us here. What does this mean?
You walk out of the bathroom. Your hair is in a high pony tail, your in your pajamas. You smile again at me, and this time I know what the difference is.. You're tired.
Again I take your hand. We walk to your bed, you look at me.
'Hold me Max?'
You throw back the covers and lay down. You don't pull the covers up. You scoot to the other side of the bed, your back to me.
I take one shoe off, then the next. You have a shirt of mine on your bedside table, I put it on. I lower myself gently into your bed, my heart hurts. I slide my legs under the covers, your chest rises and falls slowly. Are you asleep?
I scoot to your side, gently, not wanting to wake you. I pull the covers up to our shoulders. Slowly, cautiously, I slide my hand around your waist searching for your hands… are you asleep? You take my hand in yours, I slide my other arm under your neck. You whisper something to me.
'Everything is going to be alright Max.' I wish I could believe you.
I don't close my eyes for a long while. I wonder what you dream of. Are you dreaming of me? I fight to keep my eyes open, but that is a battle that I lose.
I close my eyes, and I see myself. I'm talking to you. There is something different about me Liz, I have long hair. I see myself through your eyes. I think. Yes. Through your eyes.
Grey hair? Why am I so old? Why am I telling you these things? I would never tell you this.
I hear what you think. I see myself sitting with Tess in the Crash Down. I remember that night Liz, what is this?
I feel your heart breaking when I kiss you. Do you feel my heart break in two when you tell me that? I know you would Liz. What is this Liz?
I am climbing your latter, I see you with Kyle. With Kyle. Did you feel me dying?
We are up on your roof now, I don't see through your eyes any longer. I am a third person, just watching. This really happened Liz. Why did you let this happen? Why didn't you tell me? Then again I hear your thoughts.
It will all be okay Liz. It will all be ok.
I knew that we were going to get married, but not so soon. I know though, that we will be happy. I will never let anything hurt you again.
There's that song……. My god Liz, why didn't you tell me? That's why you almost cried in the Crash Down. That is our song Liz. We are dancing now, I feel your heart breaking all over again when I disappear.
My eyes open, adjusting to the light from the morning sun, warm on my face. It takes me only a split second to realize that I am no longer holding you.
There you are, on the back balcony. Sitting in that same place that I've seen you in a million times before. I walk out there slowly. You don't see me until I am directly in front of you. You rise slowly to your feet dropping your blanket to your side.
I know how to do nothing else but to pull you into my arms. I lose myself with your touch, I never thought that a hug could feel this safe.
You pull your head back and look at me. You smile. I know this smile, this is my smile.
'I'm sorry.' You whisper.
'I'm not.' Then suddenly you do something that I have wished you would do since my mother told us of our destiny.
I lose myself kissing you. This is how it used to be. Touching you is, is the only truth I know .
I pull away just enough to whisper one thing, and it is no lie. 'Everything's going to be alright Liz.'
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