Disclaimer: : I do not own the characters (though I wish I owned Jason Behr ;) No copyright infringement intended.|
Summary: A short but sweet journal entry-esque writing by Liz and Max
Authors Note: I wrote this a good while back, actually.. October 21, 1999. I just had it lying in a notebook.. shows you how much a show with such amazing characters can influence some random writing. So, taking note of the date when written - you can see it's the early stages of their relationship.
|What is it about Max Evans that gets to me so much? I can hardly stop thinking about him and I feel like such a fool. I ask him so many questions because after spending so much time wondering about him I need some answers before I can move on to think of more questions. It's like some ongoing puzzle. A crossword puzzle that you have to call into some hotline to get 3 Across before you can move on to the next clue. My form of this pasttime seems equally addictive. Besides, any excuse to talk to him is a good excuse.|
But.. whenever I do talk to him I lost myself in his eyes and I never know what he's thinking. He just... has this look, and it's hard to interprete. The way he turns his eyes from mine at times is mysterious, yet.. familiar. As if watching a shy little boy. But then he has this way to looking directly at me - no, through me - no, no..inside me.
Maybe it's because we've shared pieces of each other; mingled our memories, that I feel so close to him when he looks at me like that. Whatever it is, all I know is I like it. And that scares me. Not that he's an... Czechoslovokian, but that I only want to get even closer to him.
I'll admit I was actually disappointed when we were only in the Eraser Room to spy on Ms.Topolsky, as crazy as that sounds. But we did get to talk a little and be close to each other and alone. I love Maria, she's my best friend in the whole world. And I really think we can work things out with Michael and Isabelle. But, I honestly would rather be alone with Max. Away from the eyes and the secrets. Where it's just me and him and we both know, and we both are fine and just... together.
God, I wonder if he thinks about me. If he ever wonders what I'm thinking. * * * * What is it about Liz Parker that gets to me so much? I never quite know what she's thinking, even after sharing my thoughts with her. Even after that connection, seeing her as a little girl, I find it hard to talk to her. About what I really want to say. She's just so..... Her smile is warm and her eyes seem endless, like I could drown in them. And I never knew me like this before. Unable to keep myself neutral, because it's her.
That's the only way I can explain it. It's her, and she just couldn't die. Not then. Not so senselessly. Before I could ever..... And then when she came to me, and pulled her shirt to reveal my handprint on her stomach where the reconstruction was healing.. I could hardly keep myself from blushing, so how could I keep from talking? It was her, that's why I told her.
I felt she had some kind of right to know. I had changed the course of her life. And though it was a huge risk to take, I just couldn't lie to her. It was her. She's handled it so well, though. So I don't regret making the choice, and if I had the chance to go back and change what I did, I wouldn't. I saved a life; her life. That could never be thought of as a mistake.
And I'll defend my choice for the rest of my life. I think Michael and Isabel are beginning to understand. That I couldn't just walk away then, and I can't walk away now. I don't think I could ever walk away from Liz. And I don't want to. I want to walk from behind my tree and towards her. If she'll let me.
She asks a lot of questions, but I have to wonder. Does she think about me? Does she ever wonder what I'm thinking about her? Fin.
|Max/Liz | Michael/Maria | Alex/Isabel | UC Couples | Valenti | Other | Poetry | Crossovers | AfterHours|