FanFic - Alex and Isabel
"Past Mistakes"
"Parts 1 - 5"
Part 1
by The Crow
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters. They are property of Jason Katims and Melinda Metz. The songs "Only One", "Purity", and "Wait and Bleed" are property of Slipknot and EMI April Music, Inc.
Summary: Set in the not to distant future. A major shakeup has occured in our happy group of Roswellians.
Category: Alex and Isabel
Rating: PG-13
Part One:

Isabel looked into the mirror as she applied her lipstick. She put a tissue between her lips and pressed them together, leaving an imprint on the paper. She studied her face. Her make-up was impeccable.

It was always impeccable. Ever since it had happened, she had thrown herself into all aspects of her appearance. The newest fashions, the hippest make-up, her quest for perfection was never done. In some way, her obsession with her looks helped to mask the pain she felt every second of every day.

Isabel frowned and look at her hair. She pulled it back into a tight ponytail and checked again. Satisfied, she bound it with a black scrunchie. She checked the clock by the mirror. 7:15. School didn't start for 45 minutes. She stood up and stretched. She lifted her shirt and studied her bare stomach in the mirror. She rubbed her hand back and forth as she turned to look at her profile. She felt the tiny impact of the kick as the baby jostled around inside!

"It's been nine months," she thought. She slowly let down her shirt and sat down on the bed. Tears welled up in her eyes as she thought back on that night nine months ago. With a sob she buried her head in her pillow.


Max studied Isabel from the doorway. He wanted to go comfort her, be he knew she would only push him away. It pained him to see her so broken, especially since they had once been so close. He could still picture that night. He could vividly remember the shock he had felt when he had entered Isabel's room and found her, naked, clutching Alex's prone body to her. He could remember the utter despair in her voice as she wailed, "I can't save him! Why can't I save him?"

He had rushed over to help, but there had been nothing he could do. There was nothing wrong with Alex, physically. Isabel had never told him exactly what had happened that night. As a matter of fact, she hadn't told anyone, as far as he knew. Every once in a while, she would appear at his door, crying, and he would hold her as she broke down. But, for the most part, she presented everyone with the facade that everything was all right.

Maria and Liz had been devastated. It had taken them a while to come to terms with it. For a month, neither of them would talk to Michael, or Isabel, or him. After the second month, Isabel and Liz had begun to talk. They had grown closer and closer as Liz helped her deal with the inevitable rumors and whispering that cropped up all over town. It had taken Maria a little longer, but in the end, the obvious pain and remorse that Isabel was feeling broke the anger that she had bottled up, and she re-established contact with the group. Max thought that Michael was the main reason for that. He had gone out of his way to accomodate Maria, even though she had wanted nothing to do with any of them.


Max shook his head and looked at his watch. 7:30. He knocked softly on the door. "Hey Izzy," he said gently. "We gotta leave in fifteen minutes." Isabel sat up with a start. "I'm almost ready," she said quickly. "Just need to touch up my make-up. She waited until Max left and then returned to her mirror. She assessed the damage that her crying had done to her make-up job, and then began to touch up her eyes. When she was done, she rubbed her stomach again. No one knew about the baby. Her stomach had only grown out about an inch or two, so it hadn't been that hard to hide. She didn't really know why she kept it a secret from everyone. Well, not her parents. A pregnancy would only disappoint them more. They had never said anything about that night, but she could see the disappointment in their eyes. Max was a different story. After it had happened, he had totally freaked out. He had imposed this no contact rule on them all. At first, everyone of them had follow! ed religiously, but as time went on, Maria and Michael began to sneak in some cuddling time. Not Max. He and Liz hadn't even as much as held hands in the nine months since Alex had died.

"Oh well," Isabel thought. "No need to dwell." She scooped her bag off of the floor and went out into the hall. "I'm ready!" she called as she went down the stairs. She heard Max's door shut as he came out of his bedroom. They went out and climbed into his jeep. Isabel rubbed her stomach again as Max pulled out of the driveway and headed towards the school.

Part Two:

After a long day at school, Isabel was ready to go home and relax. It had been a lot of work ignoring the whispers and furtive glances that had followed her up and down the halls and into the classes all day long. She was well aware that today was the nine month aniversary. She didn't need them to remind her.

She jumped out of the jeep as Max pulled into the driveway. Without a word to him, she trotted up to her room and closed the door. She quickly scanned through the CD's that lined her dresser, searching for one that fit her foul mood. She settled on a Slipknot CD and slid it into the player. As the pulsing guitars and deep, throbbing drums started, Isabel lay down on her bed. She picked up a small brown teddy bear and held it to her. It was the first thing that Alex had given her.

As she stroked the soft brown fur, Isabel let her mind wander. Pictures of Alex began to flood her mind. Alex's face after their first kiss. Alex when he won the bear for her at the carnival. Alex on the first night they had done more than kiss. She smiled as the good memories filled her head. For the first time that day, she felt good.

Then a new image filled her mind. Alex on the night he died. Alex gasping as he realized something was wrong. The look on his face as the life drained from his body....She shook her head and opened her eyes. "Will that image ever go away?" she thought desparately. Then she turned up the stereo and lost herself in the lyrics of the music.

* * * * * *

Max stood outside Isabel's door and listened to the music that rumbled within. Her taste in music had definitely taken a angry and depressing turn in the past months. He hated the new music personally. It was filled with lyrics like "Every reason is a right to hate. Painful clutch--death is fine, gimme mine" and "Someone help me please. All I see is hate. I can hardly breathe and I can hardly take it."

He didn't think such hate-filled music was helping her to get over Alex's death. He wished she would just talk to him. He could remember a time when he and Isabel were so close that she confided in him about everything. Now, when he wanted to be there for her the most, she had decided that she couldn't talk to him about it.

+ + +

"Get outta my head cuz I don't need this, why didn't I see this? I'm a victim--Manchurian candidate. I have sinned-by-just makin my mind up and takin your breath away!"

Isabel closed her eyes tightly as she recited words she had long since committed to memory. As always, it seemed as though the lead singer was singing directly to her. The words certainly fit anyway. She stood up, continuing to recite the words as whe walked to her desk. She pulled a small box from the middle drawer and turned it over and over in her hands.

Inside was a small gold bracelet. It was the last thing that Alex had given her. He had given it to her 30 minutes before he had died. Isabel sighed and flipped the bracelet over in her hands. The inscription read, "For Isabel, Love Always, Alex." Tears welled in her eyes as the images flooded her mind again.

"Why can't these thoughts just go away?" she sobbed. She slowly fell to the floor and curled into a fetal position as sobs racked her body. She wanted so badly to erase all of her memories of that night and have only good memories of Alex. "Probably wouldn't be healthy," she thought in between sniffles. "Repressed anger and all."

A knock sounded at the door. Isabel stood up quickly, wiping the tears from her face. She reached over and turned down the stereo. "Who's there," she called.

"It's Max," came the voice from the other side of the door. "Mom said it was time for dinner, if you are hungry."

Isabel sighed. She wasn't very hungry, but she needed to eat. "Gotta remember, I'm eating for two now," she thought. Her family would just worry if she started not eating, especially today. "I'll be down in a minute," she called. "I just have to put some things up."

"Alright," yelled Max through the door. "See you in a minute."

She turned and picked up the box. She carefully replaced the bracelet and then returned it to her desk. She felt the baby kick again and placed her hand on the spot. "I need to talk to someone about you," she said as the baby kicked her again. "Maybe I'll go to the Crashdown tonight".


Isabel slowly walked down the sidewalk, lost in her thoughts. It had been and awkward dinner. Everyone had been aware of what day it was, so no one had known what to say. The entire ordeal had passed in a sort of uncomfortable silence.

Right after dinner, Isabel had returned to her room to finish up her homework. She had felt more than ever that she needed to talk to someone, and Liz was the person she thought of. She had worked quickly to finish up her Algebra before the Crashdown Cafe closed for the night. When she had factored her last polynomial, she packed up her stuff and headed out the door.

It took only a simple white lie to satisfy her parents. She wasn't sure that Max had believed that she was going to study with a friend, but he hadn't questioned her. He had just given her a strange look as he gave her the keys to the Jeep.

Isabel had driven most of the way to the cafe, but decided that she wanted to walk after she got within a block of it. She parked the jeep and began to trudge towards her objective. As she walked, she began to doubt herself. "Am I doing the right thing?" she thought. "Maybe I shouldn't tell anyone until it is too late."

The thought left her mind as she reached the door of the Crashdown. She checked her watch. Good, they had closed 15 minutes ago. She looked through the glass doors and watched Maria and Liz cleaning the tables. She hesitated a moment and then knocked softly on the glass.

Liz looked up from her table and smiled. She walked to the door and unlocked it. She pushed open the door and waited for Isabel to come inside before relocking it. "Hi Isabel," she said. "You come in for some alien themed junk food?"

Isabel smiled thinly. "Nope, I'm not really hungry. The dinner at my house took away my appetite."

Liz looked concerned as she studied Isabel. She pointed to the booth that Isabel, Max, and Michael usually sat in and said, "Why don't you sit down? I'll go get you something to drink.

"Um, I have to get going," said Maria as she untied her apron. She could tell from Isabel's body language that she wanted to talk to Liz. Alone. She followed Liz to the couner. "I'll see you tomorrow, I guess," she said.

Liz shot a distracted look at Maria. "Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow," she said. "I'm sure I can finish up here by myself." With that, she picked up the two cokes she had fixed and headed towards the booth.

Maria sighed as she walked to the back room and hung her apron on the hook. She pulled off her sparkling headpiece and pushed it into line with the others on the shelf. "As usual, Isabel comes first," she thought as she unbuttoned her uniform. She hung the uniform up next to the assorted others and pulled on her pants. She glanced at the two girls through the small window in the door. "I guess I should give Isabel a break," she thought as she buttoned her shirt. "She has been through alot."


Isabel shifted around uneasily in her seat as Liz sat down. "I'm sorry to bother you," she said. "I just really needed to talk to someone tonight."

Liz sipped her drink and looked at Isabel thoughtfully. "I understand totally," she said. "I know that today is the nine month anniversary of Alex's death."

Isabel looked down, studying the fizzing bubbles in the cup in front of her. "If I hadn't remembered, everyone else in this damn town sure would have reminded me," she said bitterly. She stood up and looked at Liz. "Do you mind if I turn on some music?"

"Sure, I don't care," said Liz. She watched as Isabel went over and studied the jukebox. "Here, let me find the key, so we can play songs for free," she said as she fumbled through her pockets. Liz's fingers came into contact with the keyring, and she located the key to the jukebox.

"Thanks," mumbled Isabel as Liz turned the key. "Saves me on quarters anyway." She sat in front of the jukebox for a moment, scanning the titles. She pressed in the numbers of a few songs and then returned to her seat. She found a piece of cake and a bottle of tobasco sauce in front of her when she sat down.

"I didn't know if you'd change your mind about eating or not," said Liz between bites. "But I got you a piece just in case."

Isabel looked down at the cake in front of her. Chocolate cake and chocolate icing. It looked delicious. She smiled and picked up the tobasco. "Thanks Liz," she said. She doused a bite of cake with the sauce and put it in her mouth. "I guess a little junk food won't hurt anything."

Liz laughed. "Oh no, it would take a whole cake to ruin your perfect figure."

They sat there a moment, in silence. When they had both finished there cake, Isabel looked at Liz. "Thanks for being my friend," she said quietly. "You don't know how much it has meant to me."

"Thank you," said Liz. She put her head in her hands. "I am really glad that I could be here for you. You know, to help you through all the stuff."

"That's why I came here tonight," said Isabel. "Even though we have become good friends, I have never told you, explicitly, about what happened." Tears began welling up in her eyes as she talked. "I want to tell you about it now."

Liz was stunned. For the past nine months, Isabel had made little to no mention of that night. Liz had just come to accept that Isabel would never talk about it. She had figured it had been too painful to relive. "Are you sure?" Liz asked. "I mean, you've never talked about it before."

Isabel sighed. "I've been thinking about it all day, and it has been killing me. I have this feeling that if I had told someone what happened, and what I was feeling, the past nine months wouldn't have been so hard on me." She pushed her plate aside and took a drink of her soda. "So, are you up for it?"

Liz studied Isabel for a moment. "Of course. I thought you knew that there was nothing that you couldn't tell me."

Isabel took a deep breath. "Well," she thought. "Here goes nothing." She drained the last of her cola and pushed the cup aside. "I can remember that night as if it was yesterday," she said. "What he wore. What I wore. What he said. What I said. No detail is too small, you know?"

"He took me to the fair that night. We wandered around, going on the rides and playing the games. He tried to win me another bear, but he couldn't." Isabel laughed as she recalled how he played the milk bottle toss over and over, trying for that bear. He had never been able to get them all down. He had left with a consolation prize: a little beanie baby.

"Anyway, after that, we went out to eat." Isabel's voice broke as she continued. "He took me to that fancy italian restaurant across town." She turned and pulled the bracelet from her pocket and sat it on the table. "That's where he gave me this."

Liz picked up the bracelet and turned it over in her hands. She read the inscription. She smiled as she thought of Alex buying the bracelet. She could just imagine the anticipation he had felt as he had given it to Isabel.

She looked up as she heard Isabel sob. She sat down the bracelet and moved over to sit beside Isabel. "If this is too hard for you, stop," she said. She put a comforting hand on Isabel's shoulder. "I don't need to know until you're ready to tell."

Isabel sniffed and looked at Liz. "That's just it; I am ready. I need to finish, now that I have started. Sitting in my room and brooding over angry heavy metal music isn't going to help me deal with my pain."

Part 4:

Max checked the clock again. 11:30. Isabel had only been gone for a few minutes. He still had a funny feeling she wasn't studying. He couldn't think of any classes that had tests any time soon. He wondered where she had gone. He looked back at the book he had been reading, but the words just wouldn't focus. "Damn," he thought. "I have to know what she's doing."

He picked up the phone. Maybe Liz had seen Isabel. He dialed the first few numbers of her number, and then stopped. If he called Liz, things would just be awkward. She hadn't taken well to the no contact rule, and she always acted angry around him.

After a second, he hung up the phone. "Maria," he thought. He still got along relatively well with her. "Maybe she's seen Isabel."

* * * * * *

The phone was ringing when Maria walked through her front door. She had taken her time walking home, so she was a bit later than usual. "Maria!" her mom called from the living room. "It's for you."

"Great," thought Maria as she put down her books. "Who is it mom?"

"I don't know," came the reply. "It's a boy though."

"A boy?" thought Maria. "Does she think that I'm 12 years old or something." She turned and grabbed the cordless phone off of the kitchen wall. "I got it," she called. She waited until her mom had hung up the other phone and then put the receiver to her ear. "Hello?"

"Hey Maria. It's Max."

Max? What was he doing calling her? "Hi Max," she said. "What's up?"

"Not much," he said. "I was just wondering, have you seen Isabel?"

"Isabel? Sure, she was at the Crashdown when I left. She was talking to Liz."

"Liz, huh? Well, thanks for the help. I'll let you go get ready for bed. Sorry for calling so late. Bye."

"Bye," said Maria as Max hung up. "I wonder what that was about?" she thought as she hung the phone up. ______________________________

"So she's with Liz," thought Max. He stared at the phone that he had just hung up. "At least now I know where she is." He didn't want to admit it, but he had been afraid that she had gone out to.....No! He couldn't think that. She had been extremely depressed as of late, but she would never do something that stupid. He suddenly wanted to go and talk to Isabel. "Maybe we can drive around after she leaves the Crashdown," he thought.

He pulled on a pair of shoes and a jacket. He checked the clock again. 11:50. He would have to go out the window. His mom and dad would never let him leave this late.


Isabel looked to Liz again. "Do you want to hear this? I mean, I would understand if you don't."

Liz looked thoughtful for a moment. "Yes, I do want to hear it," she said slowly. "In a way, I need to hear it; I need to know what happened that night to really understand."

"Well," began Isabel. "I'm glad that you are willing. I really need to confide in someone. Someone of this earth, if you know what I mean."

"Mmhmm," murmured Liz. "You can't seem to talk to Max either, huh?"

"Oh, I can talk to him fine. Just not about this."

Liz smiled thinly. "At least you can talk to him at all. I want to throttle him every time I see him."

Isabel smiled. "It will get better. Max will loosen up after a while."

"Yeah, I hope so," said Liz quickly. "So, weren't you the one who wanted to talk?"

Isabel let her breath out loudly. "Yeah, I guess I did. Here I go again." Her mind wandered back to that night. Them entering the darkened house. "Well, my mom and dad were gone on a business trip. So I asked Alex if he wanted to come back to my house." She smiled. "I thought that we would be alone. I had no idea that Max had decided to come home early."

"Anyhow, we sat there in the living room for a while. You can imagine what we were doing, I'll spare you the details." Isabel paused as she scooped some ice from her cup and chewed on it. "I don't know exactly when I decided to connect with him, but, for some reason I did."

She smiled as the vision returned to he "Seeing myself through Alex's eyes.......I don't know how to explain touched me. I always knew that he loved me, but until that moment, I never knew how much I really meant to him."

Isabel dropped her head into her hands. "Until that moment, I hadn't really realized what he meant to me either. I had been taking him for granted you know. I never had that period you and Max did....that period of separation. Once I had Alex, I never had to face life without him. After we connected, it really hit home. You know, all the ways that he had made my life better."

Liz nodded. She understood completely. When she had connected with Max, it had been an overwhelming experience. It had also been an epiphany. It was at that moment, when she realized how special she was to Max, that she had first begun to love him.

Liz realized that Isabel was speaking again. She shook her head to clear her mind and refocused on Isabel.

" after that, the night had grown more intimate. You know, hands roaming to places they shouldn't be and all." She smiled as she thought back on it. The two of them fumbling around in the dark. "The next little bit is kind of hazy. I just remember that at some point, I began to want Alex more intimately than we had ever gone before."

"So, we went up to my room. Alex was so sweet. He kept asking me 'Are you sure about this?' I kept telling him yes, but he just kept on asking." Tears began to form in her eyes again as she continued.

"It all happened like slow motion. Minutes seemed like hours as we slowly explored each other's bodies. God, I can still feel his skin on my fingers sometimes. I can remember how he touched me. The gentleness, the reverence, almost like he was worshipping me." She turned and made eye contact with Liz. "That night, he made me feel like no one else has ever made me feel."

Isabel sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. This was the part that was going to be hard for her. "When don't know.......well, when we 'started,' it was a feeling like no other. Nothing had ever felt so good in my life. From the way Alex was responding, it wasn't terrible for him either."

Her voice broke as she told the next part. "That was when something went wrong. I heard Alex moan softly, but I thought that was supposed to happen, you know." A lump was starting to form in the back of her throat. She swallowed and continued. "Anyhow, I looked down, and I knew something wasn't right. Alex's face was extremely pale, and his eyes looked sunken in."

Isabel closed her eyes tightly as she dredged up her memories of that moment. The moment when she realized that she was doing something to Alex. "He looked so confused as he took my face in his hands. He said 'what is happening to me?', but I couldn't answer him. I didn't know. All I knew was that I was doing it to him."

Part 5:

Max spotted the Jeep about a block down from the Crashdown. "I wonder why she parked so far away?" he thought. He continued on down the sidewalk. When he reached the door, he hesitated. Should he knock, or just wait? "I'll wait," he thought.

He peered in through the glass. Isabel was at the jukebox. After a moment she went over and sat down. She and Liz were eating cake. Max frowned. Two of the most important people in his life were right there in front of him, yet he felt like an outsider. Much of it was his fault, of course. He was the one who had forbade any contact after Alex had died. He had only been looking out for everyone's best interests, but his ultimatum only served to push Liz away from him.

Max shook his head and then rested it on the glass. He hadn't wanted to lose their friendship, but, if that's what it took to keep Liz safe, he would have to live with it. He couldn't live with himself if something happened to her because of him.

+ + + + +

"You were doing something to him?" Liz asked uncertainly. "How could you possibly know that."

Isabel sniffled. "I just did. I could feel a connection, but it was different. Instead of seeing thoughts and images and putting them back, I was taking energy. As soon as I realized it was happening, I broke contact. But it was too late. I had drained him too much."

"But why......why was it happening? Did you lose control of your powers in the heat of the moment....or is that just a natural part of your alien sex drive?"

Isabel laughed bitterly. "I ask myself that every day. The worst part of it was, it was the most pleasurable experience of my life. I mean, I was draining the life of my soulmate, and it was turning me on."

It was then that Isabel broke down. The tears that had been threatening all night poured out. Liz held Isabel as sobs racked her body. She didn't bother talking. She really didn't know what to say. Isabel's revelation had left her speechless. She had never even considered that the consequences of sleeping with one of the alien's could be her life. But Isabel's experience seemed to point in that direction.

"Alex knew what had happened," stammered Isabel. "I could see it in his eyes. He put his hand on my cheek and stroked it tenderly. Then he let out a shuddering breath and lay still." Isabel sat up and tried to regain her composer. She dabbed at her eyes with a napkin from the dispenser. "I tried to connect again, you know, to heal him. But it was too late. It was like his body was empty."

"It was then that I lost control. I hugged him to me and wailed at the top of my lungs. I was surprised when Max appeared at my door, but I yelled to him anyway. He came and tried to heal Alex, but he had no more luck than I did. His face just sort of fell as he realized that he couldn't do a thing. When he left to call the paramedics, I just kept holding Alex. It was like I thought that, by holding on to him, I could help him in some way."

"You know what happened after that," Isabel stated flatly. "I'm sure the entire town does."

"Yeah, I do." Liz grimaced. The events of that night had been a hot topic all around town. Everyone had their own opinion of what had happened that night, and no one had been shy about expressing them.

Isabel grabbed another napkin and blew her nose. She felt like part of the weight she had been bearing for the last nine months had been lifted, just by sharing what had happened. She knew it was time to lift the rest of the load. "Liz, that is only part of what I came here to tell you," she said.

Liz's mind swam back from the thoughts swirling around in her head. "Only part? What could you possibly follow that with?" she asked.

Isabel's mind whirled. Should she tell her. Should she wait and let her process what she had already been told? Isabel knew the answer. She needed to just put it out there. "Well, Liz, I am pregnant."


Tear me in two

and bore a little hole

that I can see right through.

Your diversion's my digression.

Take me apart

Suck my blood until you stop my heart.

You encumber my progression,

And then you save me

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