|"Dreams May Come"
Disclaimer: Roswell, the characters, and situations are owned by the WB. No infringement intended.
Authors Note: Really rough story ... the poem is a song Alex wrote for his band.
|On my mind, all I think about
Someday I'll break
The only thing to ask now
How long I'll take
Alex lay in bed, thinking about her. He always dreamed of her. He didn't know if this was her influence, light years away, or his own subconscious
USC was okay. It had a good football team--not that he cared. LA was full of beautiful people--not that he cared. And he was able to experiment in everything to see what he wanted to do with his life. But he knew what he wanted. And she was unreachable at the moment.
Coming home for break was bittersweet. His parents were glad to see him, not like he never wrote or called. He was the considerate son, as he always had been. But life just lacked purpose now.
Maria and Liz surprised him. They were stronger than he thought. Neither had melted into a pool of tears yet. True, Maria was quieter now, and Liz had a tendency to scan the faces around her, but they didn't seem to dwell. They'd emailed religiously, but neither mentioned the Czechoslovakians a lot. He knew his girls thought about the lovers they missed, but somehow it was enough just to know someone else understood. They didn't need to remind each other of the past, because it never left their thoughts.
He'd met a couple of friends at USC, some of the few kids who weren't the rich and spoiled of LA. He'd even formed a garage band that was mildly successful--Alienation, known for its underground sound and bittersweet love ballads. He was the mystery man who never got close--dated occasionally, had some friends, played lead guitar. People in his hall asked who the beautiful blond was in a lot of his pictures. They knew Liz and Maria as his sisters from grade school, but he never said anything about Isabel. There weren't words to say anything. Everyone asked him if he'd ever seen an alien, or been abducted, being from UFO capitol of the world. He wondered what they'd say if he told them the truth.
Don't need to be reminded Your face is everywhere Don't need to wish upon a star One dream--and you're there
He felt her presence sometimes. It happened when he slept, usually after a bad day. It wasn't much--a soft touch to his lips, a quick flash of red, a feeling of being briefly engulfed in a ball of warmth. He saw her a lot in his dreams. Sometimes those dreams go so intense that he wondered if he thought them up himself, or if he had a little help. Izzy had never been subtle about what she wanted.
Starlight, star bright Wonder where you are Love might light the way But what if you're too far?
He stretched, turned over, closed his eyes against the light of the moon. He'd forgotten how bright the stars were in the middle of nowhere. Lights blocked them out in LA. But that didn't mean that he still didn't look.
Towards dawn, he dozed off. Had another dream of her. She wore the same soft shirt and jeans that she had their last night together. And she came through the window, something she'd probably picked up from Michael. For a while, she just stood there, looking at him. Her eyes were red, but her face was smiling. The rising sun shone at her back, lighting her up like a Christmas Tree angel.
"Hey." Even in his dreams, her voice sounded the same.
"Hey." Such eloquence. Alex Whitman, master of conversation.
"I missed you." God, he was torturing himself. He needed to get over this. He shouldn't obsess...
"I missed you too, Iz." An understatement, to say the least.
Shadowlover, dreamlover Who imagined who? Did my soul call out to yours, Or are you singing mine to you?
And he was out of bed, reaching out to her. He was hesitant about it, because sometimes his dream girls had a habit of disappearing as soon as he reached for them. But she felt the same as she had. Her soft body matched up nicely against his lean one. He'd almost forgotten what it felt like to wrap his arms around her. That was one thing he loved about his dreams. He always managed to include the sense of touch.
She reached out, touching his face. Even her touch was the same--light and hesitant, like those butterfly kisses Liz and Maria used to try on him. She was the same Isabel, but she'd changed somehow. She seemed more at ease, gentler. And she wore the sweetest smile on her face.
Some dream. They stood with their arms around each other, looking shy. He hoped it would go somewhere soon. It would be a perfect waste of a vivid dream if it didn't. So he kissed her softly, just like all the other kisses he'd ever given her. Chaste. Pecks, like the ones he'd given his dates at the end of the night. Her mouth accepted his kiss, returning it with a little more strength. Who cares if they moved at the speed of a glacier? At least he knew where he was headed...
Don't want to look back Too many things I wish had been Don't want to look forward Too afraid of the love I could win
And he could taste her mouth, feel her hair running through his fingers, the warmth of her skin. He wondered why he'd never let himself taste so much of her before, and how he'd stood with such iron control their last night. But somehow, it was sweeter now, in the dream. And it would be sweeter still when she came home.
Soon they stood, skin against skin, and it was everything he'd ever dreamed of. He hoped no one would wake him up too soon. He prayed the dream would last long enough for him to at least know what it might be like to have her. Just once.
My strength for tomorrow Today's whispered dreams Keep close, handle with care Keep the future what it seems
And they lay on his bed, hands exploring. Somehow, it seemed different from before. More real. It must be an Isabel-influenced dream. But it didn't matter, because it was completion of something he had been moving towards for almost ten years. Something he'd waited for. And with the dream, he'd be able to hold on long enough to fulfill his promise to wait.
When I wake up tomorrow Will you still be at my side? Starshine, night's blind, Be my strength for all time
He opened his eyes later that day, feeling better than he had in a long time. At peace. It was a good dream. If only he could thank Isabel for it...
He rolled over, and found a lump huddled under the blankets next to him. A lump that was hogging most of the blankets. A lump with blond hair curling over the other pillow.
He slowly peeled the covers back. Her sleeping face was serene in the near-afternoon sun. She looked thinner than before, a little older, but softer somehow. At peace. He touched her bare shoulder, shaking her gently. He opened his mouth, but nothing would come out.
Her eyes opened, and they smiled shyly at him. Her fingers brushed against his cheek, wiping away something wet that was leaking onto her hand.
She was real.
He kissed her gently, tasting her lips for what seemed the first time. "You realize it's forever, right?" His voice had a catch in it.
"Forever plus a day, or until you get tired of me--whichever comes first." Her voice was soft. "I know I can trust you. You're Alex. And I know I love you."
Promises kept. Now she was his to have and to hold. And now there was no reason to wonder what tomorrow would bring.
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