Max: Liz, I just want to put everything that happened behind us.
Liz: Yeah, you know that I would, too, if I had impregnated an alien killer who murdered one of our best friends and then left the planet with my unborn child.
Max: So you're still holding on to that?

Liz: Since I told her that you broke my heart -- without any of the alien details, of course -- she thinks that we should just take things slow. Just dinner, then straight home, no plans for future dates. No making out.
Max: So I suppose skinny dipping would be against the rules, too.

Michael Now if I'm to have any chance of graduating this year, I need to get into your Bio 101 class.
Mr. Seligman: Why didn't you come to my Bio 101 class when you were in it?

Michael: Mr. Seligman, I know you hate my guts. Personally, I hate yours, too.
Mr. Seligman: This is how you ask a favor?
Michael: But if you help me graduate this year, then you won't have to see me next year.
Mr. Seligman: Well, you do have a point there.

Isabel: Max! You idiot! What are you trying to do to our poor, clueless human parents?
Michael: So what's the deal? You running low on cigarettes?

Man: Why don't you just get a G.E.D.?
Michael No one hires anyone with a G.E.D.
Man: I got a G.E.D. I'm doing fine.
Michael Yeah, you're on a nice career path there.

Maria: [To herself as she pulls up in the car] Why can't these aliens ever get in trouble somewhere decent? Like Graceland or Tahoe or New Orleans. No, Utah. Mormons and mountains.

Liz: I want to do this with you, Max. Together.
Max: Why?
Liz: Because if I had lost a child, I would want you to help me find him. But that's only part of the reason. The other part is that I don't want you to slip away from me. I know what it's like to be with you, and I know what it's like to be apart from you. And I would rather be with you.
Max: I don't know if I could live with myself if anything ever happened to you.
Liz: Max, you're an alien king. What could ever happen to me?

Isabel: Oh, I just wish this could all be out in the open.
Jesse: I'm still not sure why it can't be.
Isabel: Well, there's the fact that you're 26 and I'm barely legal.

Mrs. Parker: Mr. McGregor feels that we'd be better off pleading guilty.
Mr. Evans: Well, he'd certainly be better off. He's a prosecutor. His job is to get a guilty plea.

Agent Burns: Agent Burns of the FBI. So, why Sam's Quik Stop?
Max: My case has been dismissed.
Agent Burns: By the sheriff's office maybe. I'm gonna give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you're just an incompetent criminal. But if you were in that store for any other reason, ... If you don't stop, you and your girlfriend will not be happy juvenile delinquents.

Mr. Parker: Your mother and I forbid you to see Max anymore. He's not welcome at our restaurant. You are not to go out on a date with him, or attend the same parties. If you pass him in school, you are to look the other way.

Mr. Evans: Max... There was over $200 left in that cash register. You didn't do it for the money. I never believed you did it for some adolescent thrill. You did it because you wanted to get down those stairs into that room. And I need you to tell me why.
Max: I can't ever tell you the truth. Please, don't make me lie to you.
Mr. Evans: I'm sorry, son. Silence is not acceptable. And neither is a lie, not after what we've just been through. No. Not under my roof.
Max: I can respect that. [pause] I just want to thank you for helping Liz. I'll always appreciate that. I'll come by home to pack my things. Good-bye, dad.

Quote of the Week:

Isabel: Max, a little reality check. This ship you're talking about...sucks. It's a lemon. It crashed to begin with. That's why we're stuck here.