ISABEL: Oh, my God! Oh! I could kill you all.
MRS. EVANS: Kill your brother. He's the one who planned the entire thing.

MICHAEL: Alex told you to come by so he could give you back a book. I mean, what a lame excuse. How could you not figure that out?
ISABEL: Where is Alex, anyway?
MARIA: He's, um, he's still getting dressed.

GRANT: Well, I'm impressed. No one's ever given me a surprise party.
MRS. EVANS: Oh, when's your birthday?
GRANT: December 7th.
MRS. EVANS: And what year might that be?

GRANT: Well, this obviously isn't a good time for a date.
ISABEL: Well, you're welcome to stay.
MICHAEL: Or go.

MAX: He wasn't invited.
ISABEL: I invited him before I ever knew there was a party.
MAX: Don't do it again.
ISABEL: Excuse me? Are you forbidding me?

ISABEL: Right, right. The king. I'm sorry. How could I forget? All I know is...Max, you may be the king, but I am not bowing down to you, not in this lifetime.

COURTNEY: It tastes like Tabasco. Did you put Tabasco in a cake?
MICHAEL: Well, what if I did?
COURTNEY: I like that.

KYLE: Seriously. So, she's got her underwear and her bras and her girlie things all over the bathroom. Every time I go in to shave, I feel like I'm walking into Victoria's Secret.
MICHAEL: So what's not to like?
ISABEL: Kyle, where is Tess?
KYLE: She went to Jensen's to get your present. Anyway, she's taken over television, the computer, my phone. If some chick's gonna be yelling at me about keeping the toilet seat down, she better at least be doing me.
KYLE: Doing me...a favor.
MRS. EVANS: Hi. I'm, uh...I'm Isabel's mom.

MAX: I know. Tess is missing.
MARIA: Oh, boo-hoo. Sorry.

MARIA: No way. Last time I lent out the Jetta, an uzzi took out the back window.

GRANT: No. You look, Sheriff. There's obviously no evidence. I don't appreciate you and deputy dog here accusing me.

Quote of the Week:

COURTNEY: Chill out, NYPD blue.
ALEX: Chill out? Chill out? I spent $150 to rent this costume. And do you have any idea how it feels to walk around all day with a thong up your ass?
MARIA & COURTNEY: Yes!