MAX (voiceover): Well, I guess the natural place to start is...that I'm an alien...a hybrid, actually. You know, human DNA mixed with alien DNA...that kind of thing. Oh, I almost forgot. My sister Isabel and our friend Michael are also a little green around the gills.

COURTNEY: You people are way too into C-SPAN.
MARIA: Goodbye, Courtney.

PIERCE: There is no record in our files of the substance called cadmium-x, because there is no substance called cadmium-x. Cadmium-x is a hoax that we invented.

MARIA: Girlfriend. Like, I know that we bonded over the summer, but I'm not quite ready to show you the bod just yet.

MAX: Wait. Didn't you just tell me that you left like 5 messages for Michael in the past 2 days?
MARIA: What's your point?

ALEX: Oh, look! "One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest" is playing at the Revival Theater at the fairgrounds.

GRANT: There's one thing that I can't quite explain. I was using a Lorenz Pulse 5... basically a fancy metal detector. Why would a metal detector detect bones?
DEPUTY HANSON: Ok, I just got goose bumps.

MAX: No rock stands a chance against Michael Guerin.
MICHAEL: Our fearless leader.

MICHAEL: You're our leader. Why don't you lead us?
MAX: Fine! Crack some more rocks.

LIZ: Congresswoman Whitaker! It is so nice to meet you. You are a real hero to me.
WHITAKER: You don't need to suck up, really. My paid staff takes care of my enormous ego.
LIZ: Oh, so there's, um, not an actual salary?
WHITAKER: We have a lot to talk about.

MICHAEL: Nasedo. It's Michael.
NASEDO: Does Max know you're calling?
MICHAEL: No. But we got a code red. Get the hell out here.
NASEDO: Don't ever contact me again unless Max knows.
MICHAEL: Great people skills.

WHITAKER: And with all due respect to you, I have no intention of leaving this situation in the hands of a county sheriff. This is now a matter of federal interest.

PIERCE: You can never find those little pod people when you want them.

NASEDO: Sheriff Valenti, welcome to the ever-burgeoning "I know an alien" club. You called me here. I assume it's important.

NASEDO: To borrow a rather crude human colloquialism, I've been diddling her all summer.

NASEDO: I must admit, I've grown awfully fond of the foul temptress. It's a shame I may now have to kill her.

LIZ: I'm not a dork. I just enjoy science.

MARIA: Why? 'Cause you're destined to be with Isabel?
MICHAEL: No. I don't buy that. Because I'm destined to be the soldier, and a soldier can't have some chick at home waiting for him.
MARIA: Michael, half the movies ever made are about soldiers with chicks waiting at home for them.

Quote of the Week!

MARIA: So, I hear ex-cons are really great in bed.